Hi I’m Paul Smith and I am your resident WNW blog spot 2008 finale. Who is ready for an anticlimax!?

ECW is live and rolling from Manchester, New Hampshire, which isn’t really the home of anyone who wrestles (to my admittedly flawed amount of knowledge) but is the place where everyone’s favourite hairy bald man Albert (now working Japan as Giant Bernard) started wrestling.

Tonight: A main event where nobody really goes over, the return of ‘Piratey’ Paul Burchill and the ECW champion curtain jerks…again!

On with the show.

The show starts with Slammy award winning Raw Tag Champs Miz and Moz and The Dirt Sheet. The two want to end the 2008 of the forbidden world of sports entertainment with a bang. The pair bought everyone new cars. Just kidding! They really just brought you The Dirt Sheet. Have fun driving that to work. They are the greatest tag team of 2008 and as such the dirt sheet was named best talk show (of what like four) by WWE magazine. Miz’ will give a hat to the Smithsonian while Morrison will star in a kung-fu movie. They both say they will win the royal rumble and then insult each other’s physiques before insulting Evan Bourne, John Cena, Batista, Triple H (something disturbing about nasal douches) and Finlay. They then talk some silliness about Hornswoggle before Finlay and the leprechaun themselves come out. Swoggle is angry. When given the much desired mic time of many others, Horny just kind of shouts. Finlay translates with a punch to Morrison’s mouth. Miz (!?) then beats down Finlay in retaliation. Hornswoggle flees under the ring which brings out The Boogeyman who chases Miz + Moz from the ring and kind of dances around awkwardly. Up next Matt Hardy vs Mark Henry mk 8939392563.

Mark Henry vs ECW Champion Matt Hardy; One Fall, Non Title, Singles Match
Henry is out first looking intense and then out comes Hardy to his usual pop. We get under way with a headlock and Henry then shrugs Hardy away. An arm wrench is reversed into just a blatant throw by Henry. A waistlock is fought out of by Henry. Stardown and a taunt by Hardy. Test of strength asked for by Hardy but he strangely heelishly kicks Henry in the stomach and he runs right into a big boot and a stomp. Big strike by Henry. These guys’ phasers are definitely set to methodical. Henry hangs Hardy on the ropes before slamming him down. The uneventfulness continues as we get a big Hardy chant and the Sensei of Mattitude himself hits the perennial weak looking move the diving elbow from the second rope to a standing opponent. This eventually leads to more strikes to Henry working a head vice and eventually into a a gorilla press which Hardy escapes from. Atlas distracts Hardy leading to an avalanche in the corner and the very unstiff banzai drop for a two count and a rope break. As we go to break Hardy is selling under the rope. We come back to Hardy being beaten upon in the typical Henry manner. Waistlock by Henry which moves to the floor. Henry then hits his standing on his opponent spot and misses the Big Boss Man body guillotine one but he hits another rope based move. More strikes leads to another Henry nearfall. Back up Hardy attempts a sunset flip and ends up hitting a low dropkick and a pair of diving elbows and a big ring shaking side effect for two. Another Atlas inteference doesn’t phase Hardy but wait as Hardy goes for the twist of fate; we have the All-American American, the one, the only, Jack Swagger who causes a DQ when he hits the doctor bomb on Hardy. But gee whiz, by the looks of Henry, Jack Swagger may very well have his wig split! Another sweaty staredown. Henry finishes things up with a world’s strongest slam on Matt Hardy. Not a fantastic match, but a solid opener and screwy finish is excused as it sets up Hardy/Swagger and maybe even Henry/Swagger nicely.
ECW Champion Matt Hardy def. Mark Henry via disqualification following an inteference by Jack Swagger

We learn that it will be no DQ tag action in the main event tonight as Miz/Moz will take on the ‘team’ of Finlay and Boogeyman. You know despite that pair feuding for months without mention. Once again who needs continuity when you can have random pairings and irrelevance. It’s just like 2005.

Paul Burchill w/ Katie Lea vs DJ Gabriel w/ Alicia Foxx; One Fall, Singles Match
We have a big pop for…uh…Paul Burchill. He is accompanied by his sister Katie Lea who he still shares a frankly disturbing sexual tension with. Moving on…So yeah the Burchills are now on ECW which is good as I reckon that this show is good for getting some of the less known midcard guys over (not HEAT not HEAT not HEAT!) and Burchill is definitely a solid worker and if they flesh out his character could become a decent part of our favourite one hour of discontinuity. Not sure how much Katie Lea will do. He’ll probably team with ooh let’s say Chavo Guerrero for no reason and then get punked out by The Boogeyman sometime soon. Welcome to ECW. He is from my parts. His opponent will be DJ Gabriel. Let’s dance. Or should we. I vote not. Talent enhancement territory though I fear. Gabriel has new pants. Lock up and some sexy arm drags by Gabriel, as we get an impromptu disgustingly hilarious image of Michael Cole in stockings to contend with. Thanks Striker. Burchill gets in some forearms but Gabriel hits some dropkicks before Burchill fights back. Some stomps and strikes by Burchill. Burchill apparently quit rugby because it wasn’t aggressive enough. Yeah and Jeff Hardy is WWE Champ. Oh wait. Knee drop by Burchill before he locks in a sleeper. A big knockdown by Burchill gets a two count. Big step up in competitiveness from Gabriel’s last match; he’s being dominated. Some knee drops by Burchill and another two count. Striker with a subtle reference to Burchill’s previous pirate gimmick. Suplex and two count from Burchill. Another sleeper locked in. Gabriel elbows out and knocks down Burchill before a big catapult to the corner. This guy is a serious douche. Knockdown by Burchill. Gutbuster by Gabriel who reversed a suplex. Gabriel can’t hit the diving European uppercut. We get a bridging pin from Gabriel which nets the win out of nowhere. Nice little outing for both guys there. Not a huge fan of the superman finish when Gabriel is being pushed as (I think) a face. But still better than the usual squash by a long way.
DJ Gabriel def. Paul Burchill via pinfall

Boogeyman is singing rock a bye baby to a worm. Makes more sense than most of the booking on this show. Hornswoggle is going apeshit while Boogey sings and dances. He chomps on some worms. Now just in case you missed what happened, well, yesterday, here is the RAW Rebound.

Finlay w/ Hornswoggle & The Boogeyman vs World Tag Team Champions The Miz & John Morrison; No Disqualification, One Fall, Non Title, Tag Team Match
Faces and heels make their way to the ring. what a nice man that Boogeyman is. Why is this not the completely different Belfast brawl!? Anyway, Miz and Finlay to start. Miz must have botched fairly early on as there was a big cut to start with as Miz is knocked down over Horny’s back and Morrison is knocked down leading to a nice little Father/Son butt drop. Precious childhood memories. Double clothesline on the outside by Boogeyman who rolls the Miz back in. Boogey then goes under the ring and tries to drag Miz back under with him. Horny hits a suicide dive (!) onto Miz and Morrison on the outside. Back on the apron Finlay gets double teamed by the heely heels and he is charged into the apron before being rolled back in the ring. A couple of stomps by Miz who then cinches in a sleeper. Takedown by Finlay who is clotheslined for his trouble and Morrison is tagged in. Nice double gutbuster by M/M. Punches and stomps by Morrison on Finlay. A foot choke being worked by Morrison. Boogey is foaming at the mouth. Lovely. Resthold by Morrison who hasn’t really had to rest from anything yet before he hits a knee to the face and Miz is tagged back in and hit his corner charge clothesline for one. The tag catapult/forearm/elbow drop gets two. Boogey comes in to save Finlay. And then goes out. It’s good to see the guy being utilised in such a meaningful way. Morrison misses a clothesline and gets nailed by an atomic drop and a clothesline of Finlay’s own. Finlay stops Miz from interfering but the distraction leads to Morrison getting the roll-up for the victory. On the outside Boogeyman gets a punch in before Finlay hits Morrison with the celtic cross. Finlay’s music plays. Kinda pointless match that didn’t do any of the guys justice. Bit of a letdown really as I have come to expect more particularly from JoMo and Finlay.
World Tag Team Champions John Morrison & The Miz def. Finlay & The Boogeyman after Morrison rolled up Finlay

A small child or three are invited into the ring to dance as ECW goes off the air for 2008.

The opening pair of matches were solid and ECW definitely trimmed the fat from this week’s show. Despite the underwhelming main event I’m willing to be generous for the turn of the year and give this show a thumbs up. I expect due to my slightly late submission of this (sorry, another busy day) that you’ll be reading this come 2009 and if so I wish you a happy new year and hope you wake up feeling absolutely terrible the next day as the consequences of your celebrations. That is apparently a good thing. So until next time, in 2009…

I have been Paul Smith

Tags: boogeyman shocks meltzer into another five star classic, mark henry hates americans both partially and all american, paul burchill walks the plank (dj gabriel), thumbs up