RAW this week starts with video recap of Punk facing Bryan in the main event last Monday. Cut to AJ and all that went down with her backstage. AJ set up the table, set up the guys, kissed Punk, then pushed them both through the table. After it was done, the “YES!” “YES!” “YES!” started. Then on Smackdown Punk is worried about AJ, but Bryan doesn’t believe Punk. Bryan butters up and forgives AJ. She plants a kiss on Bryan and Punk leaves the ring dejected. So she leaves the ring and makes out with Punk. She skips to the stage and the “YES!” “YES!” “YES!” again.
In Ring Segment
AJ out to the ring in a little gray top and short shorts. “YES!” from the fans. She says this Sunday in the WWE Championship match, she’ll be the Special Guest Ref. She realizes that her actions can greatly effect the outcome of this match. It’s overwhelming and very emotional. With that in mind, she wants them all to welcome, CM Punk.
Punk’s music and he comes out with his hands on his hips and a smirk on his face. AJ watches him closely the whole time. Punk shrugs to the fans. He says he’s there, what’s this all about? They look at each other and she says on Smackdown he showed his feelings for her and said she needs help. She doesn’t. She’s in full control of her mental faculties at all times. His sentiment for her (she pauses). “AJ’ crazy!” starts slowly and fills the arena. She says she’s never, no one has ever cared about her. Let alone show compassion and concern like Punk did. And when she kissed him. She knew it. She smiles up at Punk. She says she knew what she had to do. Punk’s eyes. They sand love, straight into her heart. Punk fills her up with passion and desire. In essence, Punk turns her on. AJ smiles down coyly, but not crazily. She says now she knows what she has to do.
AJ steps back, backs away from Punk. She then slowly drops to a knee in front of him. Punk looks VERY uncomfortable! AJ smiles up at Punk and asks, CM Punk, (“Just says no!” chants.) will you marry me? Fans are now chanting “YES!”
“NO!” “NO!” “NO!” “NO!” “NO!” “NO!” “NO!” Yells Bryan to the ring. He tells her she’s making the biggest mistake of her life. Punk doesn’t love her. Everyone knows it. He’s just playing her because she’s the ref this Sunday. He knows he’s hurt AJ in the past, but he never ever stopped having feelings for her. Punk, on the other hand, only cares about one person, and that’s Punk.
Punk says Daniel doesn’t know the first thing about him, he doesn’t know how he feels about AJ, so shut his mouth.
Bryan says if that’s so, say it. Say I do!
AJ is standing between the two guys, Punk is struggling. “Just say no!” chants.
Bryan says Punk sees her as a Special Guest Ref, Bryan sees her as a special person. They’re so connected, they had the same idea. This morning when he got up he wasn’t intending to stop a proposal, he intended to make one. Bryan down on one knee, takes AJ’s hand and asks her to marry him.
“Whoa, whoa, whoa, what a load of crap!” says Punk. Punk says that Bryan’s trying to say this was premeditated, he got up planning on proposing to AJ? Where’s the ring? He thought about it this morning, he won’t show up without a ring. Where’s the ring Big Money? You’re just trying to string her along. This is a joke. Punk tells AJ they will go backstage and talk about this.
“Don’t you talk down to my future fiance, this is between me and her!” yells Bryan. AJ is still between them looking confused, upset and bewildered.
They all look annoyed in the ring, the fans are not happy as they let out a big groan, but Cole has a HUGE smile on his face! “Could I have your attention please? I believe I have just received an email from the anonymous General Manager.” Cole gives his best imitation of VKM’s walk over to this big thing covered with a black cloth. He pulls it off as King is not impressed. Cole struggles with the fabric. And I quote, “Surprise, I’m back and I’m running RAW tonight. I’ve enjoyed watching this love triangle, but personally I think CM Punk and AJ make a great couple.” (The fans go wild for this.) That’s why I’m putting them together in a Mixed Tag Match tonight. Together Punk and AJ will face the team of Eve, and Bryan.”
Bryan is pissed! He starts the “NO!” “NO!” “NO!” They’re partners in this ring and out. “NO!” “NO!” “NO!” “NO!”
And I quote, “Don’t feel too bad Bryan, maybe if he beats Punk, AJ might see him in a different light. Maybe not. Either way, I wish all of you, good luck!”
“Okay, this entire thing is very confusing,” says AJ. Punk, she knows his proposal caught him by surprise. Bryan’s caught her by surprise too. They all need to go think, but she’s glad they have this match tonight, because everything happens for a reason. And she has a feeling, that she’s going to walk out of this arena with her future husband. Punk drops his mic, signifying pipe bomb? AJ bounces from the ring. Bryan is left standing there, holding his heart and looking lovingly after AJ. Punk’s hand to his head in shock and confusion.
Slam of The Week
ADR tries to deport people on Smackdown. Sheamus out to get in ADR’s face. They get in quite a fight, but ADR comes out on top due to Ricardo and the hood of his car.
Sheamus vs Swagger
Sheamus out to the ring looking none the worse for wear, but mad. Swagger is already in the ring waiting. Cole talks about Swagger being in a rough patch right now.
Swagger behind Sheamus and takes him down. Sheamus elbows free of Bryan, but eats the corner. Swagger tries to float over, but Sheamus grabs him and hits white noise. Sheamus breathes in a corner, he sets up and hits his brogue kick for three.
Winner – Sheamus (0:58)
Car horn honky from backstage. ADR in front of a sexy little red car. ADR says Swagger isn’t him. ADR beat him like no one has before and he will take the WHC from Sheamus. ADR into the car and turns it on. Sheamus turns and Swagger eats another brogue kick to Swagger. (During this match Cole called King by his first name. King told Cole to not call him Jerry because they’re not friends, here or outside of work.)
Santino congratulates Ryder for winning the battle royal. He has more personality than the Anonymous GM. Santino is going to find out who the Anonymous RAW GM is, as he’s heard that they’re there tonight. Ryder asks how he’ll do that. Santino has his Sherlock Holmes kit. He pulls out his hat, his pipe and his magnifying glass. Ryder laughs and wishes him good luck. Santino starts looking all over through the glass.
They talk about Rock wanting to be the WWE Champ. Rock Tweeted that he will be on the 1,000th episode of RAW. Brock will also be there to answer Trip.
Christian & Kidd vs Tensai & Ziggler
They are all in the ring and the bell rings before I even realize that there’s a match starting!
Kidd with a cheap shot on Tensai, but Ziggler beats him down. Snap mare, then beats on Kidd. Beautiful suplex on Ziggler. Vickie is on announces. Christian tags in and after a flap Jack comes off the corner with an upper cut on Ziggler. Ziggler tags out and clotheslines Christian. Christian avoids Tensai’s splash. Christian off the top onto Tensai. Sakamoto distracts the ref for Tensai to splash Christian in the corner. Senton splash on the mat for three. King says, “Don’t be on the track when that train’s coming!” (Thanks to Stacy who heard this comment about A-Train and made sure I knew about.)
Winners – Tensai & Ziggler (1:33)
Tensai celebrates in the ring, but then ignores Sakamoto. Tensai outside the ring and stomps away on Kidd. Kidd pulled up and powerbombs Kidd on the apron! Tensai then hits his senton splash on Kidd on the floor.
Cole and King argue about who should be the GM for RAW and Smackdown. Cole wants the Anonymous GM to run RAW, Vickie to run Smackdown. King wants Long for Smackdown, Foley for RAW. They argue and Cole throws his drink on King. Cole then starts apologizing and stuttering.
Cole flees to the podium. And I quote… No way, this can’t be right! There’s no way! I’m not reading this tonight! Cole goes from stuttering to indignant. Cole walks away. King to the podium and reads it. He sees why Cole doesn’t want to read it, says King as he towels off. And I quote, “Seeing Cole and Lawler bicker is bringing back some great memories. So tonight as a WrestleMania rematch, from my era as GM, Jerry Lawler will face Michael Cole!” Cole is yelling at King and pointing all around. “Jerry!” chants from the fans. Cole is yelling that the GM changed something, slamming his hand on the podium. King says he didn’t change it.
Cole, still bouncing around and says the Anonymous GM changed it! King reads – And I quote, “I’m going to let the WWE ‘Universe’ decide if this match will take place. Would you like to see Jerry Lawler vs Michael Cole? Go to WWE.come and vote yes or no!” Cole is continuing to freak out.
Funkasaurus vs Drew McIntyre
Funkasaurus out in black, the dactyls on orange. His hat in gray pin-stripped, not black! Drew is sitting in a folding chair, his feet up on announce. He’s not impressed. “Why are we watching him do the same song and dance every week?” asks Drew, off mic before he gets in the ring.
Kicks and blows on Clay. Drew whipped, but moves and Clay hits the corner. Drew climbs, but runs into a head butt. Splash from Clay for three.
Winner – Funkasaurus (0:35)
Video of the head butt to the flying Drew, then the splat! Kids in the ring dancing with them.
Santino says, to someone off camera, “So it was you, the Anonymous GM!” It’s Jericho who asks why it would be him, he hates that a computer! How does Jericho know this isn’t a ruse that Santino is the Anonymous GM? Santino gets all confused that he actually might be the Anonymous GM. He wanders off.
Big Show comes in and Jericho says he’s been looking for Big Show all day. It’s been a long time since they were in the ring together. They were one of the best Tag Teams ever. They have a chance to weaken Cena and Kane tonight. Big Show tells him to stop! Doesn’t Jericho know that some of Big Show’s most embarrassing moments was when he was part of Jeri-Show? How about they try something different. Jericho stays out of his way and Big Show won’t knock him out. Big Show stomps off says “Jeri-Show” derisively. Jericho acts all macho and like he doesn’t care what Big Show just said.
February 11, 2002, Steph says memorable, but not her best moment. Trip returned from his injury and he was going to leave Steph, so she lied and said she was preggers. Linda showed Trip that the doctor was an actor. When they renewed their vows Trip says, “Standing here in front of you, I see you for who you truly are, a no good lying BLEEP!” Trip then punches out VKM, trashes the whole area, hits a pedigree on VKM, leaves Steph on the floor and throws his wedding ring down at her before stomping off.
Cena & Kane vs Jericho & Big Show
Cena’s music and out he comes to the ring, all pumped up and ready to go! Cena has a mic and listens to the mixed reaction for him. He says he feels exactly what they feel. He’s excited because he knows what they know, six days to MITB. Winston Churchill once said, “If you plan on going through hell, you might as well keep going.” That’s what MITB is all about. It’s a brutal, punishing match with great risk, but unbelievable reward. None of them care about pinfalls or submissions, they want the contract hanging high above the ring! Everyone knows that inn six days, even the nicest people can become ruthless with all that hanging over your head. MITB is a must see event. Ever since it was started, whoever has risked it all and won, have always, always, always, always, always cashed it in and become Champ. It changes the landscape of the WWE. MITB for him is more than just one opportunity. He’s been out there telling us two things and he stands by his word! 1 – The unstoppable Big Show will be stopped by his hand, this he promises. 2 – He will do whatever he has to, to whoever he has to to become MITB. He will win MITB!
Fire erupts and out comes Kane. Fire from the four corners. Lights go out, then there’s Jericho in his blinkie jacket. Jericho to the ring, but waits on the apron. Big Show’s music and out he comes, stomping to the ring. Video of Big Show beating Kane last week on RAW. Big Show into the ring.
Jericho points up, then locks up with Cena. They muscle back and forth, until a shoulder block to Jericho. Jericho eats corner, is whipped, then the bulldog. Jericho tags out. “Get in big man!” says Jericho.
Cena stays out of Big Show’s reach until caught for a chokeslam. Cena free and tags out! Kane in and they lock up! Kane backs himself away to regroup. They lock up again and Kane forced into a corner, but ducks Big Show’s blows and throws right and lefts of his own. Big Show reverses a whip and clotheslines Kane in the corner. Head butt to the back of Kane’s head. He rolls from the ring. Jericho out with a cheap shot on Kane as Big Show distracts the ref. Kane back in and takes a blow to the gut. Kane with a blow of his own, but into a shoulder block. Big Show talks smack at Cena who isn’t impressed. A big blow to Kane’s gut. Jericho tags in.
Jericho runs into a right from Kane. Cena tags in and whips Jericho. Clothesline in the corner, then fisherman’s suplex on Jericho for two. Jericho sends Cena running the ropes, then distracts the ref so Big Show can clock Cena in the back from the apron, illegally.
Head butt to Cena who crumbles to the mat in a corner. Big Show pulls him up, shushes the fans, then the big slap to the chest. Cena ducks Big Show, then picks up Big Show, but falls back for two. Cena gains some motion, but runs into a bear hug from Big Show. Blows to Big Show and Cena is free. Back suplex on Big Show! Both men down, their partners reaching to get in the ring.
Kane tags in and a low drop kick on Big Show. Big Show into a corner and Kane clotheslines him. Big Show telegraphs and hits a lovely DDT for a long two. Kane climbs, but Big Show ducks. Big Show turns and spears Kane! Big Show pins, but only gets two. Big Show pulls Kane to his knees, then punches him.
Jericho tags in and comes off the top with a double ax handle. Jericho on Kane with blows and stomping on Kane. Jericho yells at the ref for pulling him away. Jericho smirks, then chokes Kane in the ropes and takes each count to the end. Jericho runs and lands a knee on the back of Kane. Jericho distracts the ref, so Big Show attacks Kane from outside.
Jericho with a chinlock on Kane on the mat. Kane stands, Jericho on his back, then slams back on Jericho in the corner. Jericho gets his feet up, but then ‘vintage’ Kane with a side slam! Cena tags in. A couple shoulder blocks. 5 knuckle shuffle, then a drop kick to Big Show who is trying to climb in the ring. Jericho tries for the walls, but Cena reverses. AA to Jericho and Cena pins, but Big Show pulls Cena from the ring.
Winners – Cena & Kane via DQ? (16:43)
Big Show sends Cena back into the barrier – HARD! Kane comes around the ring and eats a clothesline. Big Show then looks under the ring and throws a couple ladders into the ring. Ladder to Jericho, then to Kane. “Big Show sucks!” chants as Big Show sets Jericho up in the ladder (Jericho has to very obviously readjusts himself in there) and slams the other side down on Jericho. Big Show is leaning his hands on the top layer of the ladder on Jericho and bounces it down on Jericho. Cena, from behind, attacks Big Show with a ladder. After a couple shots Big Show is sent from the ring. Cena poses with a ladder, then throws it from the ring.
Recap of everyone proposing in the opening segment. Punk wants to know where the ring is. In the end AJ says she has a feeling that she’s going to walk out of the arena with her future husband.
Punk is stretching, getting ready for his match. Eve comes along and wishes him good luck. He thanks her and wishes her good luck getting that spray tan off after that match. Eve says she means AJ. She’s spiteful and will take it out on who doesn’t say ‘I do’ tonight. She knows Punk’s had the Title for seven months, but… Punk asks what? Eve talks about how Punk is overshadowed by Rock, Cena, Trip, Big Show, even Brock. But AJ? That must be pretty, emasculating. Like she said, good luck tonight. This leaves Punk fuming, confused and upset.
Santino find the cell phone of the Anonymous GM. Off camera a big hand takes the cell. Santino asks if he’s the Anonymous GM?
‘You are the Anonymous GM?’
‘You are the Anonymous GM?’
‘You are a son of gun Khali’ says Santino, then he leaves.
‘Who this cell phone?’ wonders Khali, then shrugs.
MITB Qualifying Match – Sin Cara vs Slater
Sin Cara out to the ring.
Slater is in the ring, ready to start.
Sin Cara on Slater with kicks. Bouncing off the ropes Sin Cara tries to hit Slater, but gets a cutter type move. A kick to Sin Cara, then slams Sin Cara to the mat. Elbows to Sin Cara’s head, then Slater pins for two. Chinlock on Sin Cara on the mat. Arm bar on Sin Cara. Sin Cara reverses, uses the ropes and sends Slater flying. Sin Cara kicks Slater in the head, then off the top with a cross body. Tilt-a-whirl head scissors on Slater for three.
Winner – Sin Cara (2:13)
Video of the high points. Slater grabs a mic and says he’s going to be Champ. Send any former Champ out and he’ll beat them. He doesn’t care if it’s Cena, Kane, Jericho, he guarantees he’ll beat them.
In Ring Segment
Out comes Bob Backlund! He’s in blue trunks and very old fashioned ring boots. The crowd is almost dead. He duck walks around the ring as Cole talks about how Backlund lost his mind. “You still got it!” chant from a small group of men. Slater is confused and disgusted.
A kick, then a blow and Backlund on the floor. Backlund locks on his ‘vintage’ clawface on Slater. Slater finally taps out after they’ve been rolling around on the mat for a bit. There was no ref, but from first blow to tap was 0:38!
“Could I have your attention please?” asks Cole. He wants to talk about the poll. Here’s the results:
“How dare you?” yells Cole. They tell him they don’t want him to wrestle, they they tell him they want him in a match? He keeps ranting as RAW goes to commercial.
King vs Cole
Booker and Josh are on announce. They both said they voted for this match to take place.
Cole is now all cocky, but then slides out of the ring. Booker slides Cole back in! Cole then tries to act like they’re friends, extending his hand. King takes the hand, lifts Cole to his shoulders, then spins around like crazy, then puts Cole down who can’t stand up. He’s down and King pins for three.
Winner – King (0:57)
Josh goes to read the email. He says the Anonymous GM says, that due to the blatant interference by Booker T, he’s reversing this decision, the winner is Cole.
Winner – Cole
Santino comes out and says that’s enough! He’s searched all over the arena, and if the Anonymous GM is here, the only place they could be is under the ring!
Josh said the Anonymous GM says, “No, I’m not.”
The Anonymous GM says, “There’s absolutely no one under the ring sending emails. Leave the ring now.”
Santino says that sounds like a clue! Santino from the ring, then he’s grabbed from under the ring and whoever it is tries to drag Santino under. King grabs Santino’s arms and pulls him back out, with a laptop and Hornswoggle on his legs! Hornswoggle looks a bit freaked out.
DING DING! DING DING! DING DING! DING DING! DING DING!
King asks if it’s Hornswoggle causing all of this misery? He should put him over King’ knee and spank him. Hornswoggle kicks King in the shin and bites Santino’s bum. Cole loves this, so Hornswoggle goes over and kicks Cole in the shin, for good measure, then leaves the ring with a smile.
The battle royal on Smackdown. Punk and Bryan eliminated together. Cena eliminated Tensai. Kane eliminated Big Show and Ziggler. It was down to Ryder and Kane. Ryder reverses and pulls the ropes down for Kane to be eliminated. Ryder will be GM on Smackdown this week.
Cole wants to make friends after all that’s happened. King says no.
Mixed Tag Match – Eve & Bryan vs AJ & Punk
Eve out to the ring. Bryan out to join her. AJ out in red and black plaid/ Bryan looks imploringly at her. Punk’s music and the fans go wild again. AJ looks adoringly at Punk as he comes to the ring.
They run at each other and blows and punches fly. Knees to Bryan, and upper cut to Punk. Bryan whipped, then a body drop. Bryan whipped again, gets a foot up but Punk stops, Bryan still gets the upper hand and kicks away at Punk. Back kick to Bryan to the face. AJ takes the blind tag.
Eve kicks AJ in the gut. AJ ducks a clothesline and tackles Eve. Eve up and backs AJ into a corner. They fight back and forth. A kick to AJ’s gut, then a kick that barely touches AJ’s head. Eve takes AJ down, on her with blows. AJ slammed back to the mat. Eve tries to flip onto AJ, but AJ gets her knees up. Forearms to Eve, then a slightly sick drop kick to the back of Eve’s head/shoulder. Clothesline in a corner, then heel kick to Eve’s jaw for two. AJ won’t let Eve tag out, but she’s then kicked off. Eve reaches to tag out, but Bryan drops off the apron and won’t tag in. AJ rolls Eve up for three.
Winners – AJ & Punk (3:53)
Punk holds up his hand for a high five, but AJ wraps her arms around his neck. Punk is left hanging, so he slaps his own high five with a smile, then a thumbs up. Bryan on mic tells AJ to wait. He just proved that she means more to him than any match. He touches her cheek. He says they should leave right now and go get married. He puts down the mic, walks over and holds the ropes for her. AJ looks so confused.
Punk says he won’t lie to her for the WWE Championship. Bryan is only doing this because he thinks it will help him become WWE Champ. He says he doesn’t care if what he’s about the costs him the match or his WWE Championship, but he’s not going to marry her. AJ’s face crumbles. He says if that hurts her, he’s sorry. But at least he cares enough about her to tell her the truth.
AJ looks almost crushed. She steps toward Punk, nods, then slaps him hard across the face. Punk scowls down at AJ.
Bryan yells at AJ to come home, he’s the one who cares about her, come home. AJ, crying, steps toward Bryan, then slaps him hard. Then AJ gives Bryan a very forceful “YES!”, Punk a very forceful “YES!”, then she continues with the “YES!” chant from the ring, up the ramp and on stage. She’s still yelling “YES!”, fingers pointing high, as RAW fades out.