RAW this week starts with HBK to the ring (I will not cry that I’m not there, honest).
In Ring Segment
HBK out in jeans and a black button down shirt, his beaten up straw cowboy hat on his head. King and Cole talk about Teddy Long running RAW tonight and to follow the show on Twitter. The fans are HOT for HBK. He says the greatest thing about the HBK chant is it gives him a moment to catch his breath as he’s not sued to doing that. Several weeks ago he came out and caused a little trouble. More chanting for HBK. He appreciates that and has his breath back, but thanks for the help. It got heated between Trip and himself. He desperately wanted Trip to step in and take down the streak. He saw what Trip did last year. Something made him change his mind and his good buddy upped the anti for HIAC. He calls Triple H to the ring to hear this form the horse’s mouth.
Trip out in a navy suit, white shirt, red tie. Big hug between the friend. HBK says he was hard on Trip. He threw the kitchen sink at Trip, he really wanted him to take the match. He took every cheap shot he could, said stuff no friend should say. He pushed the limits. He’s amazed, Trip didn’t buckle or waiver. This man is an oak! He thought of every despicable thing, but Trip wouldn’t take it because Trip’s a man of conviction. A man of honor, integrity. What was it Trip said? All sorts of corporate stuff. He call Trip a coward. No one calls him that and got away with it, but HBK did and got away with it. That is why Trip’s an oak. But something changed Trip’s mind and he needs to know. He wouldn’t waiver for HBK, but someone must have said something that brought him to his knees. Someone said something so humiliating to bring Trip down. What was it? Chants for Taker!
Trip starts, but is cut off. He didn’t get to see it. He wants to see the footage. He wants to stand with his best friend of 17 years and share this moment that made Trip break down and say he could do it. Video of what transpired between Taker and Trip when Taker said HBK was always better than Trip, then Trip agreed to face Taker at WrestleMania, in HIAC.
HBK is staring at Trip who’s staring at the screen. Trip looks down, then back up. Trip looks over at HBK who is pissed. “Triple threat!” chants. HBK says the worst thing anyone could say is that HBK is better than Trip? Trip paces a bit, then says it has nothing to do with that. He knows HBK didn’t see it live and got his voice mail. If HBK wants to do this in front of the world… it has nothing to do with who’s better, or anything like that. He’s tired of listening to it. He’s tired to listening to people talking behind HBK’s back saying he couldn’t get the job done. He’s tired of people saying HBK is a failure. Tired of saying on his way out he couldn’t do it because he was never as good as he thought he was in the first place. That heats Trip up, because he’s his best friend, and because he believes with every fiber of his being that HBK is the best in-ring performer of all time. It kills Trip, pains him beyond measure to look at HBK as a loser. That’s why he’s going to finish it. He’s going to end Taker, the streak, an era! He is going to do what everyone runs their mouths saying HBK couldn’t do. He’s doing it for him, and just as much, he’s going to do it for HBK.
Thanks for that, says HBK pissily – his voice takes on a too sweet and almost sing-songy, but edgy tone. He thought they had a problem, but Trip has everything under control, silly him. Last year it hurt HBK so much to tell Trip he couldn’t get it done. Then watch Trip go out there and dominate Taker. Showed the world why he’s the Game, the Cerebral Assassin. Beat Taker to within an inch of his life, and they Trip lost and HBK was right. This year, at WrestleMania, HIAC, he knows who will win, and he’ll be right again. HBK starts to leave, then returns and says he’s sorry, the reason he knows that, because he’s been made the Special Guest Ref. HBK leaves up the ramp and doesn’t look back at his bestie. Trip looks positively green in the ring.
US Title Match – Santino vs Swagger (C)
Santino out to the ring. EXCUSE ME! EXCUSE ME! Vickie out announces Swagger, then comes to the ring with Swagger and Dolph.
Swagger on Santino with blows, forearms to his back. Laurinaitis out with Otunga in tow. Santino comes back with blows, unced a clothesline, then a hip toss and the cobra out. Otunga distracts, Dolph attacks Santino. Crapstastic power bomb on Santino, but he kicks out! Long out in a horrible red suit with stripes, with Aksana and Kofi in tow. Long up in Laurinaitis’ face. All ring work stops and the camera right up in their faces as Long gets nasty at Laurinaitis.
Santino whipped, then down, but gets his knees up to Swagger’s splash. Laurinaitis on the apron, Long pulls him off the apron. Laurinaitis yells down at Long and keeps slamming into Long chest first as Otunga and the ref try to break them up. Dolph hits Santino from behind. Cobra to Dolph. Vickie on the apron, the ref stops Santino, but Vickie down and Aksana pushes her down. Vickie right back up and in Aksana’s face screeching. Santino turns the cobra on Swagger, but gets locked in the ankle lock. Long pushes Laurinaitis to the floor. Swagger sent flying into the corner and Santino rolls Swagger up for three.
Winner & US Champion – Santino!
Laurinaitis gets on the mic and says this won’t happen on his show. Long says he has a present for the fans and the WWE ‘Universe’. Long calls out security to remove Laurinaitis. Off comes Laurinaitis’ jacket. Long tells Laurinaitis and Otunga to get out, NOW! Laurinaitis and Otunga get dragged out bodily! Long has Justin announce Santino again. Santino is in tears over his win. He celebrates on the corners while King is elated and Cole fumes. Santino trumpets in the ring, Long, Kofi and Aksana all join him as they go in circles in the ring.
Earlier Rocky put together a history lesson for Cena. He was at Boston Harbor and said ‘Finally The Rock has come back to Bos-ton!’ Cena, tonight he gets much need history lessons from Rock. In 1773 the great people of Boston had enough of the British, because like Cena the British were there in their faces every single day, month, year. They had enough. The people started the American Revolution. Tonight we start the Rock Revolution. In 1773 the people threw the tea in Boston Harbor (which looked nothing like it does now), called the Boston Tea Party. Tonight we’ll have a party of our own. Team Bring It will have a party. They’re taking Cena trash and throwing it where it belongs.
Rocky has a pile of Cena merch. A shirt goes flying over into the Harbor. Then he pulls a Cena alarm clock, who could wake up in the morning to that face. Cena midget shorts, an insult to midgets. The Cena garden gnome (only seems to have 3 fingers), what dimension of hell did this come from? There’s a man in his 40’s who has this in his garden and he’s a virgin. The Cena wrist band. Look like a transvestite Wonder Woman fighting crime! Rock does sound effects. Cena cologne! They make this crap. It smells like fear, Fruity Pebbles and possum piss. Cena the revolution begins tonight. He can take the hot trash he’s been shoving at the fans for years. Toll it all up into a ball and shove it up his rooty-tooty-fresh-and-fruity candy ass! Revolution begins tonight. All across Boston, then to the ring. He tells someone to get in his rowboat and get all that garbage and thow it where it belongs!
Fox vs Eve
Fox in the ring, Kelly on announce pushing her Kid’s Choice nomination. Eve out in the same outfit she wore last night in Bangor – gold and camo.
Fox behind Eve, but then get a horrible shoulder block. Fox then jumps over Eve – terribly, then Eve over Fox, not as bad. Fox hits a split toss, but then Eve rolls Fox up tightly for three.
Winner – Eve
Ryder’s music and he comes out on a cane. He tells her he’s glad they didn’t hook up. Broeskis before hoeskis. Woo, woo, woo, you know it! Eve is left looking distraught in the ring and the ‘hoeski’ chants start for her.
Eve catches up with Ryder and tells him that… she plants one on him. She walks off and he’s left with a huge grin on his face.
King and Cole talk about what people are saying on Twitter about HBK and Trip.
Cena is sitting in an empty arena. WrestleMania XXVII, Champions crowned, the end of an era, legends remembered. Through all that all eyes will be on two men, one match. It’s a once in a lifetime opportunity. Despite their differences, the Rock is the most successful Superstars in the WWE and has done the most in and out of the industry. He swore he wouldn’t come back until he found a worthy opponent and that is Cena. He doesn’t intend to just go along for the ride. He wants to win, needs to win. He grew up around there and recently Boston is a city of champions after being a city of heartbreak. The biggest heartbreak he remembers is the Patriots winning 18 games in a row, then lost to the Giants. Every New England resident holds his sentiment, and no one remembers second place. He’s done some wonderful things in the WWE and he’s proud of what he’s done. WrestleMania XXVII is everything. If he doesn’t win he’s another name in the Rock’s notebook of people he’s defeated. But if he can somehow walk into Rock’s backyard and at WrestleMania and have his hand raised, then he wins the big one. This is an event that will make history. It is what it is supposed to be, the most successful event, break history in the WWE. No one will remember second place. That’s why he needs to win. WrestleMania XXVII is all or nothing. It’s his history. It’s once in a lifetime. Cena is left staring up at the WrestleMania sign.
CM Punk & Sheamus vs Daniel Bryan & Jericho
Punk out to the ring in his typical fashion and the fans are wild for him. Video of Jericho attacking Punk on stage last week. Slammed Punk, then locked on the walls. Sheamus out to join him. D-Bry out all excited with AJ in tow. Jericho out in his blinky jacket.
Punk slightly pushes Sheamus back to start with Jericho. They lock up and struggle. Chain wrestling on the mat, back and forth, then Jericho pushes Punk. Shoulder block drops Jericho. Jericho trips jumping over Punk, but lands fine. Monkey flip to Jericho, then more fast mat work and clotheslines. Jericho then flies over and tags out. D-Bry in and D-Bry with a kick, then blows on Punk. Punk on D-Bry and Sheamus tags in. blows on D-Bry, but then telegraphs and is kicked for it. D-Bry over to the apron and Sheamus hits his forearms over the shoulder – all ten. Clothesline to D-Bry for two.
AJ looks on nervously as Punk tags in and flies onto D-Bry’s arm as she holds it out. Inverted atomic drop, then blows on D-Bry, but Jericho knees Punk in the back through the ropes. Cole brings up Punk’s back problems from last week, but Punk didn’t have any back problems at the house show last night!
Jericho on Punk in the ring. Punk to his feet and free, but then into a side slam for two. A kick to Punk’s back. Jericho calls for heat, then kicks Punk in the face. Drop kick to Jericho. Both down, but Punk tags out and Sheamus in with clotheslines. Clothesline in a corner, then slams Jericho. D-Bry in, but Sheamus takes him out. Jericho takes a back breaker for two. D-Bry distracts Sheamus on the apron, then Jericho hits a slingshot drop kick on Sheamus sending him flying. A low drop kick on Sheamus outside. Sheamus holds him arms as Jericho sends Sheamus back in, but stops Sheamus from tagging out. Jericho on Sheamus with blows. Jericho knees Sheamus in the chest, but Jericho made the sound slapping Sheamus’ back. Forearm to Sheamus’ back, then a chinlock on Sheamus on the mat. Sheamus starts getting up, but then back down. Sheamus up and pushes Jericho into a corner, but Jericho comes out with a running bulldog, but Sheamus pushes him off and Jericho hits the second turnbuckle padding badly with his legs and drops like a stone holding his left knee.
Both tag out. Punk off the top, but then eats a swinging neck breaker. Punk sells the back, but hits his high knee in the corner. Slams D-Bry to the mat, then climbs to hit his Savage elbow. Punk holds his back and pins, but only gets two. Punk rolls D-Bry through, Jericho in and eats a fast clothesline from Punk Sheamus in and sets up the Celtic cross, but Jericho kicks Sheamus and sends him out with a drop kick. Jericho then rushes Punk but shoulder first into the corner. D-Bry flies out onto Sheamus. In the ring Jericho tries to lock on the walls, but Punk rolls a small package, but Jericho reverses it for the three.
Winners – Jericho & D-Bry
Jericho had one shoulder up, Punk had both down. Jericho ges over, grabs the belt, poses, then slides it in to Punk.
Rock is at Paul Revere’s statue. He rode through the streets of Boston yelling “The British are coming!” What if it wasn’t Paul Revere but this goof? Life sized Cena cut out. They would have shot Cena on sight based off that stupid ass outfit alone! If Cena had led the Revolution, we’d all be playing cricket, sipping tea, blessing the Queen. They’d be sick of him then, like we’re sick of him now! Rocky knocks over Cena. The people back then would be crying in their johnny cakes for someone to shut Cena’s mouth. Bam! Prayers answered. Rock would create a time travel machine and travel back to 1776 to whoop Cena’s ass. The Rock’s music would hit, ‘If you smellllllllllll’, the doors would open, still smoking and Rock steps out. They’ve never seen anything like the Rock, 25% black, 25% Samoan, 50% Clydesdale! Benjamin Franklin would have looked at Rock and looked up and said screw that damn kite, that man created electricity. Boston would be lining the streets to give Rock some of that sweet Boston cream pie! People back then would be elated because Rock would have whooped your ass. They would sing, “Johnny Cena went to town, riding on a pony, Rock stuck a feather in his ass and called him a jabroni!” They’d be so happy that Rock whooped his ass like he will whip Cena’s ass. If Revere was alive he’d be riding the streets yelling, “The Rock is comin’ to whop Cena’s candy ass!”, but before that Rocky is coming to the Garden to get in Cena’s face, tonight.
King and Cole argue about Laurinaitis and Long. They go onto video of them fighting earlier and Santino defeating Swagger for the US Title. Long then threw Laurinaitis out forcibly. Otunga was tossed out too.
Miz vs Big Show
Miz out in a new Miz shirt with a new logo, big list of warning on the back. Big Show out slappping hands, then gives his hat to a little boy in the front row.
The bell rings, but Miz rolls out and Cody out on mic on the stage. He’s out with a wake up call of embarrassment. He doesn’t have Big Show at WrestleMania, but in his natural habitat – at WrestleMania X8 eating at WWE NY! Cody pulls more video from 2002. Big Show was at the restaurant, with hair and a beard. He picked up a tiny little girl and got the fans going.
Miz on Big Show from behind. Miz on Big Show in a big way, but Big Show with a huge spear. Weapon of mass destruction barely touches Miz, but he sold it. Big Show gets the three.
Winner – Big Show
Big Show looks at Cody and points to the WrestleMania sign.
Rock outside the Massachusetts State House, overlooking Boston Common. This is where we fought for our independence. Leading to the birth of the greatest country. Something else is going to be overthrown, something the people have been waiting ten long years for. Rock Revolution overthrowing Cena. That’s why Rock is back. He can entertain around the world, but only place he can come back and fight, right here in the WWE. The only place Rock can take his size 15 boot and stick it straight up a certain smiling super man’s candy ass while the world cheers him on. When Rock says the world he’s talking about the millions ‘and millions’ and millions of the Rock’s fans. Cena, get ready because Rock has the charisma of George Washington, brilliance of Benjamin Franklin, the you-know-what of John Han-cock. Now that Rock has taken Cena on a history lesson, he’s going to make history on April 1st, 2012, mark Rock’s words, Cena will fall to Rock. But that’s then, this is March 5th, 2012, the Rock Revolution has already started. Live in Boston and Rock is coming to the Garden and will look Cena in the eye and tell the world exactly what he sees. Get ready John, get ready. Can you smelllllll what the Rock is cookin’?
Taker will respond to HBK next week and HBK will be there.
R-Truth vs Kane
R-Truth out talking to Little Jimmy. Video from earlier where R-Truth talks about Kane coming out and explosions, fire all over the place, Little Jimmy says… wait, who am I talking to? Fire errupts and out comes the Big Red Machine! Video of Orton facing D-Bry last week, but then Kane came out and attacked Orton. A chokeslam from hell, then Kane welcomed Orton back.
R-Truth ducks Kane, then on him with blows, Kane throws him off. R-Truth on Kane, Kane pushes him off. Big boot to R-Truth. Blows to R-Truth in a corner. Snap mare to R-Truth, then double leg drop on R-Truth for two. R-Truth whipped and clotheslined in the corner. R-Truth whipped, but gets an elbow up. R-Truth drops down below Kane’s clothesline and back up with blows of his own. R-Truth misses his scissors kick, then Kane with a chokeslam on R-Truth for three.
Winner – Kane
Kane calls fire from all corners, but then Orton’s music hits. R-Truth holds Kane’s ankle so Kane can’t leave, then Orton in and he eats an RKO. Orton grabs a mic, gets right down next to Kane, and says it’s good to be back. Orton drops the mic and leaves. Orton up the ramp, then stops and grinds his teeth as the camera comes in close to his face.
Cena is heading for the ring.
In Ring Segment
Cena out to a lot of heat, but he’s all smiles, salutes and out to the ring. The little kids and some of the women still love him, but that’s it! King says there’s 16,000+ fans there, that means it’s NOT anywhere near a sellout. The TD Garden holds 19,100 for wrestling events. Cena says he thought they’d be excited. More heat. Now there’s at least a little excitement. He says the place is packed, people sitting behind the scoreboard, he doesn’t think they’ve packed that many in there before (19,028 in the Garden for WM14). He knows why, because finally the Rock is back. No, Rock is back, the real Rock he needs to face at WrestleMania. He’s been all over Boston giving history lessons. They’re exciting, entertaining, electrifying. They’re everything that Rock needs to be. “Rocky!” chants. It’s exciting but if you sift through the infomercial yelling and head whips, what’s Rock saying? He stood in the ring last week and told the Rock what he’s going to do about him, but what Rock saying about Cena?
“Fruity Pebbles!” chants. Rock is obsessed with breakfast cereal, he makes fun of the way Cena looks, he talks about his Clydesdale, Stonewall Jackson or whatever he’s calling his penis, and he talks about how many women he’s had sex with. Wait, is he fighting Rock at WrestleMania, or the Situation from Jersey Shore? This got him some pop. He says Rock is trying way too hard, he’s a vodka mixer and a Corvette away from a midlife crisis! Heat for this. He asks if anyone saw last week, for the first time in Rock’s illustrious career, he was shook up! Damn was he shook. He wasted 20 minutes on some hashtag Twitter thing, then cane came out and after Cena left Rock was stuttering his words as if he was locked out in winter. Cena mocks Rocky not being able to say his own name. He was sounding like Rainman. Michael Jordan of the mic, Baby Ruth of the game,t he great one, the untouchable Dwayne Johnson shook, who could have done it. Who was the man with the smoking gun in his hand?
Sounds unbelievable but Rock got shook up by a prep school thug with no balls that dresses like a Wonder Woman transvestite. Seriously, drink this in, I look ridiculous! Cena says he’s wearing orange and silver shoes with black socks! That aint even the worst part! I came out to talk to you people tonight and I’m wearing knee pads! Knee pads to talk to the fans, that’s 10,000 jokes right there! Rock was shaken down. A week later after hearing he still has it and he’s all over Boston. He has that University of Miami swagger back and Rock is back. He don’t say it’s BC, because if it was Boston College he’d be doing keg stands and head butting people. Huge pop for that one (and I know why as I went to college down the street from BC!). Cena says that’s how we do it there. Rock wants to face Cena in the ring, personally he thinks it’s bad for Rock as his best stuff lately has bee prerecorded or satellite. But, for Cena, he thinks it’s great because he needs to know who will show for WrestleMania. Will it be the man talking 20 minutes about Chinese takeout or is it the greatest Superstar in the history of the WWE? Cena says we don’t understand and hopes that they hear the music and out comes the Rock, not Dwayne Johnson. Not some dude trying to defend his actions. The Rock! The eyebrow raising, trail blazing, jabroni beating, pie eating, whatever the hell he’s calling himself, Cena needs the Rock! Sadly this gets Cena little reaction from the fans, no matter how great he is on mic. He doesn’t want to beat the second best at WrestleMania. We want to see Rock back tonight. Rock said he’d show up tonight, do they want to see him? Let’s see who Cena is going to face at WrestleMania!
Rock’s music hits and Rock comes stomping out to the ring looking a bit pissy. Rock circles, Cena stays back a bit, but smirks. “Rocky!” chants for the great one. Rock says that Rock’s not going to come out to this ring, after the history Rock has in this city and not say one more time, “Finally, the Rock has come back to Boston!” He said he was going to look Cena in the eye and tell the world what he sees. Rock looks at Cena and says fear. Fear that Rock is taking everything away. This is met with silence, then a mixture of ‘Cena’ chants and a lot of heat!
Cena is all giggles and smiles. Rock says that it’s fear that after all Cena’s built these past ten years, that when Rock beats him it all goes away. He sees the fear in Cena’s eyes and hears it in his words. He looks right through Cena. Cena thinks he shook Rock’s confidence? Rock told Cena to look at him. Cena is all smiles and smirks. “Fruity Pebbles!” chants. Rock has never, ever, ever been more confident about any thing in his life. “Tooth Fairy!” chants.
Cena says he knows they’re real close to Tewksbury, but they are chanting ‘tooth fairy’, right? Big smile from Cena as the fans go wild! Cena shrugs. Rock tells Cena to know something about Rock. Strip away the glitz, lights at WrestleMania. Strip away Hollywood, the fame, the catch phrases, the trending, at Rock’s core –
Cena – What you got?
Rocky – At the Rock’s core –
Cena – You strip it away and what you got?
Rocky – The Rock is 6foot4, 260lbs that will rip Cena’s throat out. Rocky right up in Cena’s face and is selling his ire. At Cena’s core, he will always be a little boy who will go down in history always as the Rock’s bitch.
Cena laughs and smirks at this. Rocky’s music and he leaves the ring and stomps up the ramp, not much of the baby face tonight!
Cena says Rock’s height and weight doesn’t intimidate him one bit. Cena checks his arm for Rock’s stats. Cena says Rock said he’d rip out Cena’s throat, that’s what he’ll have to do at WrestleMania. Rock has other options. At WrestleMania Cena’s back is against the wall. Rock was half right, if Rock beats him, he loses everything, but if Rock things for one second that Cena is afraid of Rock, then Rock not only lost his confidence, but he’s lost his damn mind!
Cena says that Cpt. Catchphrase says at WrestleMania he’s going to make history by making Cena his bitch. Once again he has it half right, at WrestleMania, Cena’s the son of a bitch who’s going to make history by whippin’ the Rock’s ass! Cena leaves the ring and jumps into the crowd. He takes a beer from a woman in the front row and drinks it! Cena then into the ring and poses, then back out the other side to hug his father. Cena then plants a tongue wiggling kiss on his wife and then points out his family members to the camera and says these are his people!
Strangest reactions of the night