RAW Report 3/12/12 – Isn’t It Ironic, Don’t Ya Think?

RAW this week starts with music and pyro.

In Ring Segment

King is in the ring announcing tonight will be the first every Rock and Rap concert on RAW. There’s been some heated discussion between them, but tonight they will express in their own way.

In Ring Segment

Cena out in his Thuganomics look, the chain, the hat, the shirt, the look. He even pulls the lock to the side, has that cranky boy face on. This is the boy he was early on and huge heat from the fans.

Rock wanted me to write his song tonight,
but I will never be his mouth piece.
It’s like Labron James,
he took his talents straight down to South Beach.

And for the past few weeks,
Rock is legitimately pissed.
If you get stuck singing your song tonight,
it’s all in the wrist.

Cena stops here and glares into the camera, the way he used to. Cena is ON tonight!

Could we please have a week where you don’t come out here and choke?
You might be GI Joe this summer,
Right now, you’re a GI Joke!

Ever since I opened my mouth about you,
you been begging me to back off.
So if Rock and Dwayne are the same person,
I think ya both are jack-offs!

After April 1st,
you won’t be making no more movies.
You gonna need surgery on you face,
just like you had it on your boobies.

Those poppin’ pecs,
they had more work than a locker room full of Divas.
I got a gift for Rock tonight,
I’m going to give him a Cleveland steamah!

Team Bring It?
He’s Team Lost It and the truth is getting scary.
Cuz they weren’t chanting Rocky last week,
they were chanting Tooth Fairy!

Keep making fun of this Fruity Pebble Rock,
I ain’t even close to sick of it.
I’m Mr. Kung Pow Chicken,
you Mr. Miami Fried Chicken Shit! (they bleeped out the cuss)

And no, no, I don’t have balls,
I have somethin’ in their place.
I’ll beat yo’ ass at WrestleMania,
and put my nuts dead in your face! (Cena had a package of what looked like peanuts he pulled from his pocket and threw at the camera for an exclamation point.)

Cena drop the mic, leaves the ring and up the ramp holding his lock in his hand, cranky look on his face, then stops and poses back to the fans on the stage before leaving.

Stage Segment

EXCUSE ME!! EXCUSE ME!! Vickie comes out in a pale pink dress making her look a lot chunkier than she really is (bad color for her) thinks Daylight Savings should be illegal. Ask me why? EXCUSE ME! EXCUSE ME! The world is deprived of a whole hour of this man – out comes Dolph.

Announce Segment

Cole talks about the WWE.com/social blowing up over what Cena just did in the ring.

Dolph w/ Vickie vs Sheamus

Sheamus out to face Dolph.

Vickie screeching ringside as Dolph shows off. Forearms to Sheamus’ back, then flicks sweat at him. Side headlock rides Dolph down. Sheamus gets two twice, then to his feet. Shoulder block knocks Dolph hard to the floor. Side headlock takeover. Sheamus keeps the hold on the mat. Dolph up and comes back with blows, then comes back to eat a back elbow. Sheamus gets Dolph on the apron, but before he can hit his forearms, Dolph drops to the floor.

>Commercial

Short clothesline to Dolph. Sheamus with an arm hold on Dolph on the mat. Dolph up and pulls Sheamus’ hair a bit, then free. Another shoulder block drops Dolph hard. Dolph tries to fight back with a hip toss, but Sheamus hits a hip toss up and out! Sheamus goes outside to get Dolph, but Vickie is screeching at him. Dolph has crawled under one side of the ring, then out the next. Vickie screeches at Sheamus, then Dolph nails him in the upper back with a drop kick! Vickie is thrilled about how that went down. Dolph slammed Sheamus into the front of announce, back first, but Sheamus hit the top edge of the table more than anything. Dolph plays injured, the ref starts counting them out. Dolph back in. The camera in close on Sheamus’ back to show a huge welt on his back, where he hit the top edge of the table. I will say that Sheamus’ coloring lends itself to welts showing up quicker and clearer than someone with a golden tan.

Dolph on Sheamus with blows and gets a one count on him. Neck breaker on Sheamus for two. Josh is up in a box with D-Bry and AJ. Josh says many people are upset about D-Bry telling AJ to shut up last week. D-Bry says he would never say anything to upset her. Who is Josh to judge their relationship? D-Bry tells AJ to tell him. AJ says she’s not upset. D-Bry says the interview is over. He doesn’t care what anyone thinks. AJ loves him and the feeling is mutual.

Necklock on Sheamus on the mat. Sheamus to his feet and slams back to the mat, sandwiching Dolph. Both are down, but up by five. Double hand clotheslines to Dolph, then a clothesline in the corner and Dolph slammed to the mat for two. Sheas sets up for the cross, but Dolph free. Sheamus lifts Dolph high and drops him for two. Sheamus hung up on the top rope. Dolph climbs, but is caught is if for a chokeslam, but Dolph wraps his legs around Sheamus’ other arm and pulls him back for a pin. Dolph gets two that way, but then Sheamus gets up with Dolph still up there. Much wiggling, then Dolph is unceremoniously slams Dolph to the mat for two.

Blows to Dolph, then he’s whipped, but Sheamus shoulder first into the post. Zig/zag on Sheamus, but only two! Both men are down. Both to their feet, then a brogue kick out of nowhere )ala HBK’s sweet chin music) for three.

Winner – Sheamus

Sheamus celebrates, then they show where Sheamus got the welt, then the brogue kick for three. Sheamus still celebrates. Cole talks about the announcement about the 12 Man Tag Match at WrestleMania to decide who will be running RAW and Smackdown.

>Commercial

Sidebar

A DISH commercial for Victory Road during RAW – interesting?

Smackdown Rewind

Long and Laurinaitis in the ring last Smackdown when Kane came out to threaten Aksana, but then Orton took out Kane, so Long rolled Laurinaitis up for three. Then Long and Aksana flee the arena when Laurinaitis steams.

Mixed Tag Match/Handicap Match – Aksana & Santino vs Otunga & Henry

Laurinaitis to announce. Aksana follows Santino out in his speed walking way. Santino is Long’s Team Captain at WrestleMania! Video of Santino defeating Swagger last week for the US Title. Video of Vickie slamming the cage door on Swagger’s head on Smackdown so Santino could win and retain his Title. Otunga out posing on the stage, he is Laurinaitis’ Team Captain. Otunga out by himself,more posing in the ring. Laurinaitis says he’s changed his mind, it won’t be Mixed Tag, it will be Handicap Match. Out comes Henry to tag with Otunga. King about has a cow at Laurinaitis over this. I guess Aksana is out of the match. Out comes Long. He talks to Aksana.

Otunga attacks Santino, but then Long over and gets in Laurinaitis’ face. Long pushes Laurinaitis into his chair, Laurinaitis makes a big production of falling over, but Laurinaitis did all of the falling and tipping over and it looks terrible!

Santino floats over, then blows on Otunga, then a hip toss. Out comes the cobra, but Henry into the ring as well. Head butt to Santino. World’s Strongest Slam and it’s over.

Winners – Henry & Otunga

Cole is screaming to get the doctor for Laurinaitis who is flexing his elbow and selling. In the ring Henry and Otunga are about to work Santino over, but Kofi out to save, but they beat him down hard! R-Truth out, but he’s taken out in the same way. Laurinaitis into the ring. Laurinaitis then announces that Henry is on Team Laurinaitis. Long is glaring from the bottom of the ramp, Aksana talking to him, and hiding behind him. Henry Otunga and Laurinaitis talk smack at them from the ring.

Video

Miz is going to be on Psych this week. They talk about the show as a whole, then the premise for this episode. Miz says he’s planning on getting an Emmy for this guest spot. It will be on Wednesday night.

Announce Segment

King and Cole talk up Old School Cena and they show a bit of a clip from earlier.

>Commercial

Video

Maria Menunos from Extra talked to the Bellas and Fox about WrestleMania. They talk about Cena versus Rocky.

Backstage Segment

Eve is walking, Ryder stops her about the kiss and how she’s not responded to him all week. He asks if she’s playing him. She says he’s playing himself. She now wants to be friends. Friends with benefits. They make plans to go out after the show. Beth rushes in wearing what appears to be a short, strapless, puffy, yellow prom dress. She thinks it should have been her on Extra, she’s the Divas Champ. Beth says Maria keeps coming to the WWE, she’s going to Extra. Ryder heads off. Beth says she likes how Eve has Ryder wrapped around her little finger. Beth could do the same with Ryder if she wanted to. Eve wouldn’t mind, right? Eve doesn’t look happy and said she would and stomped off.

Backstage Segment

Laurinaitis on his cell, Miz in to see him. He won at WrestleMania last year, retained his Title, so when is Laurinaitis going to name to his WrestleMania Team? Laurinaitis is pissed at Miz. Laurinaitis had been on the phone with a member of the Board of Directors, how could Miz do that? Miz then introduces James Roday from Psych. Laurinaitis gushes, says he’s a fan on Roday’s work. Roday thanks Laurinaitis and says he’s a fan of Laurinaitis’ length. Miz says he’s the co-star this week, Roday is wondering why Miz isn’t on Laurinaitis’ Team. Roday says he was wondering when they could get the mess out of (something, no clue what). Miz asks what excuse Laurinaitis has. Laurinaitis says he doesn’t need an excuse. Miz wins his match tonight, then he’s on the Team. Miz leaves and Laurinaitis asks Roday to be Special Guest Ring Announcer. Roday agrees, says he’ll Finkle this, Fink it up, then he’ll Fink is out. Miz comes back and asks who he’s facing. It’s Punk. Roday asks if he can beat that guy? Miz says sure and leaves. Roday tells him to oil it up. Laurinaitis asks Roday who will win. Roday puts his fingers to his temple as on Psych. Roday then says he’s just kidding, that’s play acting. Under his breath Roday says CM Punk.

>Commercial

Jinder Mahal vs Brodus Clay

Mahal out and puts his head dress into a protective case (when did this come about?). Clay out in white with his dancers. Luckily he’s in a black singlet.

Mahal attacked early, but then a head butt dropped him. Mahal is slammed to the mat, then splashed for three.

Winner – Clay

Clay into the ring to dance. Clips of the match – basically the whole match.

Backstage Segment

HBK heading to the ring, not looking terribly happy.

>Commercial

Ringside

MGK is ringside and all happy about being on TV.

In Ring Segment

HBK out, but not looking happy, or bouncy. He comes out, slowly drops to his knees, very obviously says a prayer, then to his feet and to the ring. He poses there for the fans, but not all happy. The longer he’s out there, the more perky he seems to get. “HBK!” chants.

He says in three weeks Triple H and Taker will be locked in HIAC at WrestleMania and it will truly be the end of an era. Last week he told his good buddy that he’s Special Guest Ref in that match. That seemed to be info he didn’t know. Strangely enough he got info he wasn’t aware of. He also got info he didn’t know. Video of Trip saying HBK is a loser. He’s going to end an era, for himself and for HBK.

So, that’s the word on the street? The past couple weeks no one has called him a loser backstage. No one has implied that he couldn’t get the job done. There is one person who’s been absent the past couple weeks, but he’s here tonight and they can get it out of the way. Undertaker, let’s settle this!

GONG!

Taker comes out in that way that only Taker can. Taker doesn’t raise the lights, the arena stays dark. Blue in the fans, spotlights in the ring.

HBK says after all they have been through. Twenty plus years. Even though at some points they sat at opposite ends of the locker room, they’ve always had the utmost respect for one another. Let’s face it, the last couple year of his career, they shared something few will share. They did something that people will always remember, something that will stand the test of time. They did it. But yet, Taker of all people, to say things behind his back. At the very least he thought Taker would have the guts to say it to HBK’s face.

Taker asks what does HBK want him to say? That he’s a failure? A loser? That he couldn’t get the job done? Taker says HBK needs to stop and think. Is he repeating Taker’s words, or maybe the words chosen for him, by his good friend, Triple H. Whatever the case may be, HBK needs to take all his little insecurities…

HBK sputters on his insecurities? He has news for Taker. He’s the one who asked for this match. Here Taker sits at 19-0 and still feels he has something to prove! He’s still the one in search of validation. Does he want to know why? They both know it, because last year Trip beat him within an inch of his life. That’s why last week HBK told Trip he knows who will win.

Taker says, so it is. But HBK should know, whatever happens at WrestleMania, win or lose. He’s prepared to accept the outcome, but he’s not prepared for HBK sticking his ego in this. Their two matches at WrestleMania, the match with Trip last year, it’s all been destiny. On April 1st, that destiny will happen. It will be an end of an era. What can’t happen is for the outcome – win or lose – to not be pure. If the outcome isn’t pure, Taker promises, there will be hell to pay.

HBK says Taker calls it destiny, HBK calls it irony. Isn’t it ironic that the guy’s career Taker ended can quite possibly be the guy who counts Taker’s shoulders to the mat. Isn’t it ironic that HBK’s the guy who could possibly turn Taker into a loser, into a failure and show Taker that he couldn’t get it done. Isn’t it ironic that he could still be the guy to end the streak.

HBK makes to leave, but Taker stops him by grabbing his arm as he passes. Taker says he will be Triple H in the cell. The streak will continue, and he will officially end an era. But if HBK doens’t do the right thing, Taker will officially end HBK.

They glare at each other, stare through each other, then HBK bounds back and away from Taker, almost looks like he’s going to his sweet chin music, but then HBK slightly smiles, barely smiles, then steps up to Taker, slaps him on the arm mockingly, then leaves the ring to his music. HBK up the ramp, but almost at the top he stops and looks over his shoulder at Taker in the ring.

While HBK looks back, Triple H comes out from backstage. HBK looks and sees Trip coming out. They stop and stare at each other. They both look down the ramp at Taker, then stare at each other. HBK looks a bit disgusted at Trip, the leaves. Trip continues to stare down at Taker in the ring. Trip smirks, just the right side of his mouth, then it slowly slides down and he hits a single crotch chop before turning to leave. Taker is left standing in the ring, staring.

>Commercial

WWE Slam of The Week

Punk and Sheamus faced D-Bry and Jericho. Jericho managed to roll Punk up and got the three.

Miz vs Punk

James Roday out, stops on stage to make some arm movements, ending in the crotch chop (if my brain was with it, I would be able to tell you all of the movements he made). Roday says finally, the white guy from Psych made it to the WWE. In the sea of Cavaliers! It fills him with great pleasure and childlike glee – this match is scheduled for exactly one fall. Out first, the most must-see, evenly tanned, immaculately man-scaped Superstar in the WWE today, appearing this Wednesday with him on Psych, Cleveland’s very own – The Miz! Miz out to the ring. Miz hugged Roday. Roday then announces that Miz’s opponent, weighing in at exactly 218lbs, give or take, a man who enjoys a nice shaken iced tea, he is the WWE Champion, CM Punk! Punk out in his own excitable and unique way. Jericho, in his trunks and blinky jacket, is watching backstage on a monitor.

Miz rolls Punk up for less than one. Kicks to Miz’s legs, but then Punk takes a poorly executed high knee.

>Commercial

Abdominal stretch on Punk in the center of the ring. Miz really has it locked in and keeps wrenching it on as the fans are quiet. Finally Punk is free, then kicks Miz in the head fro the apron. Punk in over the top, then a swinging neckbreaker to Miz. High knees to Miz in the corner, then the bulldog. Mixed reaction for Miz. Miz up for the GTS, then down. Miz runs into a kick for two. Punk on the corner, snake eyes. Big kneeling DDT on Punk for two.

Miz on Punk with punches on the mat. Miz to the apron, then climbs, but Punk ducks. Miz barely lands on his feet. Up for the GTS, reversed into the SCF, reversed into the anaconda and Miz taps out.

Winner – Punk

Roday announces Punk the winner from over by announce. Punk poses up on a corner and is calling for more pop from the crowd, as they are sure not giving him the pop he’s used to! Jericho on the tron clapping for Punk, telling him way to go, congratulations on his big win. Punk can smirk if he wants to, but he sees through Punk. He looks at Punk and sees a fraud. Not the fact that Punk calls himself the best in the world, he’s talking about Punk as a person. This week he did some research and found out a deep, dirty, dark secret. He’s been straight edge since coming to the WWE, but never explained the reasons why. He wants to tell all these wannabes why Punk is straight edge. He’s straight edge because his father is an alcoholic. Punk looks like he’s been kicked below the belt. He just stares at Jericho. Jericho says his father was an alcoholic who let Punk down every step of the way growing up and it terrifies him. He doesn’t want to end up like his father, but it’s inevitable. It’s in Punk’s blood, in his genes, part of who he is and it tortures him. Punk built this wall, this sarcastic anti-hero without a care in the world, but Jericho found something that Punk cares about, that gives him nightmares, that terrifies him. Punk’s head is hung low. Isn’t it ironic that the very alcohol that Punk craves is what ruined his childhood? The nightmares he must have about his father, he almost feels bad for Punk. Jericho asks if that’s why Punk has all those tattoos? Was the pain of wanting a drink so bad that he needed the pain of a tattoo needle to drive it out of his mind? Is it Punk’s only solace? It doesn’t matter because Punk will drink eventually and Jericho is the one who’s going to make him drink. At WrestleMania Jericho is going to take away his Title, take away Punk’s claims about being the best in the world, take away the bravado and leave Punk a broken man. He’s going to hit bottom and when he does, Punk’s going to embrace his destiny and take a drink. It’s going to taste so good that he’s going to want to take another one, and another one, and another one. After April 1st Jericho will be recognized for what he is, the undisputed best in the world and new WWE Champion. And Punk will be recognized for who he is, who his father was, a pathetic damn drunk. Punk looks like a broken man. The weight of the world on his shoulders and the fans are chanting his name. Punk grabs the Title belt off the mat, wobbles to the corner, then out of the ring. A fan in a Punk shirt, right there on the corner tells Punk he’s got this as he holds a sign that says ‘Wannabe’ with an arrow pointing down at himself. Punk slowly wanders up the ramp as the camera watches from the ringside area, showing both Punk walking, but Punk on the tron walking too.

>Commercial

What?

They showed a ‘commercial’ for The Law Offices of David Otunga. They went through the ‘Have you been injured in an accident?’ straight through the ‘Otunga doesn’t get paid until…’ But the best line was, ‘If you have a Twitter account, you have a lawyer…’ (There was no disclaimer on this! I wonder if they’re going to have problems with this one. They don’t like false legal advertising like this. It’s like the time Trump supposedly bought out the WWE and everything went screwy. I hope they covered their legal bums on this one!)

Orton vs Swagger

Orton out to the ring. Swagger is already in the ring, no entrance for him. Video of Kane attacking Orton two weeks ago, then Kane welcomed Orton back. Last Monday Orton nailed Kane with an RKO while R-Truth held Kane in the ring. Orton said it was good to be back. Orton again attacked Kane on Smackdown.

Orton looks around for Kane, then Swagger takes him down. Swagger with a takeover on Orton, then an arm hold. Orton comes back stomping Swagger’s arm. Beautiful drop kick on Swagger, then Swagger sent out over the top. Orton follows him out and sends Swagger shoulder first to the stairs. Swagger head first on announce. Then again. Swagger sent back into the ring, Orton still glances around for Kane.

>Commercial

Orton frees himself from an arm hold with a blow to the gut, then a head butt. They exchange blows. Swagger whipped, but gets a foot up. Swagger takes out Orton’s knee for two. Ankle lock, but not locked in and Orton is free. Swagger continues to work Orton’s left ankle and knee. Orton gets a handful of Swagger hair, then punches him. Swagger slams Orton to the mat, but Orton moves out of the way of the Swagger bomb. Swagger rolls Orton through into the ankle lock. Orton kicks him away. Swagger rushes Orton in a corner, but Orton sends him over the top and hangs Swagger up on the top rope.

Orton climbs, they struggle, then Orton hits his father’s patented superplex. Big clotheslines to Swagger, then that sick powerslam on Swagger. Through the ropes DDT, ‘vintage’ Orton! Orton pounds the mat, RKO and it’s over even though it looked as though Swagger’s hand was under the rope.

Winner – Orton

Orton goes to pose on a corner, but as he approaches fire erupts from all four. The arena stays bathed in red light.

Video

A tiny clip of Cena rapping to start the show. The Rock concert is next.

>Commercial

Rock Concert

Rocky comes out, guitar in hand. He stops on the stage and soaks it all in, driving the fans wild. Finally Rocky cracks a smile and heads for the ring.

Finally, the Rock has come back, to Cleveland! He wants them to keep it going. He’s proud to be out there. He tells them they broke a record. The largest sell out crowd in that arena. He shows he has nothing written on his arm. “Rocky!” chants fill the arena! For that record, he appreciates them chanting Rocky, but they should be chanting ‘Cleveland’! He asks if anyone saw his boy Marky Mark, oh, he meant John Cena. He had a chain and a lock, and his hat, and, what does that mean? It was funny! Who was that guy? That wasn’t Cena. That’s not the same guy who’s been running around here looking like what would happen if Vanilla Ice banged a Teletubbie! The fans are wild and chanting all sorts of things. Rocky is laughing. Guess he wanted some of that Telle Tang, who knows. Up on the tron they show a picture of Vanilla Ice + a picture of the purple Teletubbie with the red purse = a picture of Cena in his purple merch. Rocky then explains what happened to bring about Cena. This ain’t about no two minute rap, this is something special.

Rocky sits down on his stool, mic there, music stand. He says everyone knows that Cleveland rocks! The fans are HOT!

Warden threw a party,
and he spent some bucks.
Didn’t invite Cena,
’cause he totally sucks!

Cena started rappin’,
it all went south.
Know your role jabroni,
and shut your mouth!

Let’s Rock,
everybody let’s Rock.
Cena’s got a menstrual clock,
but we’re dancing because Cleveland rocks.

Little Fruity Pebble from Newbury Mass., (Rocky very obviously has the words in front of him on the music stand.
Rock will take his boot and shove it up his ass.
Bet you’re all happy, you’re listenin’ to me,
and not some goofy Eminem wannabe.

Let’s Rock,
everybody let’s Rock.
Ain’t no balls down in Cena’s jock,
but we’re dancin’ ’cause Cleveland rocks!

“Rocky” chants which he thanks the fans for, and seems like he stopped just so they could love him. He then spoke to the fans, not singing. He asked, “Y’all wanna hear a true story? See, Rock’s got the inside scoop from Cena’s doctor. Cena visited his doctor last week.

Little Johnny Cena went to the doc,
Rock punched his jaw and the pain wouldn’t stop.
Doc said Cena, you know I’m a fan,
but please stop beggin’ for that rectal exam.

Let’s Rock,
everybody let’s Rock.
Cena close up that smock,
but we’re dancin’ ’cause Cleveland rocks.

Rocky asks if they want to hear some gossip. They agree. He says it’s a true story about Cena and Eve. This is what we didn’t see on RAW. But the Rock saw it.

Rock saw Cena making out with Eve,
grabbin’ on her thigh and pullin’ on her weave.
Cena was havin’ the time of his life,
guess he didn’t tell her, that he has a wife!

Let’s Rock,
everbody let’s Rock.
Divorce lawyer’s right up the block,
but we’re dancin’ ’cause Cleveland rocks.

He says he guesses it slipped Cena’s mind, while he was slippin’ her the tongue. He has a little ditty about the day Cena was born. True story. These were all true stories.

April 23, 1977,
doctor shouted, send that baby back to heaven.
Sorry Mama Cena, but check these charts,
Little Baby Cena’s got lady parts.

Let’s Rock,
everybody, let’s Rock.
Little Johnny’s got them lady parts,
but we’re all dancin’ ’cause Cleveland rocks.

Rocky takes a drink of water and soaks up the love and chants from the fans. He thanks them. He said he told them they’d have fun tonight. Out of curiosity, are there any grown me who are Cena fans. Huge heat from the crowd. No one. No, wait, he sees one that’s clappin’. There’s a couple, and another one. He won’t mess with them, it’s hard enough being them. Wait, he should ask the people. Should he mess with these guys? The fans think he should. Well, this is for all of the grown men who are John Cena fans out there.

Doesn’t really matter how hard you try,
never in your life will you ever taste pie.
Know you love Chewbacca and Frodo too,
but your a walking virgin and you’re 42!

Let’s Rock,
everybody let’s Rock.
You dress like Kirk and Spock,
but we’re dancin’ ’cause Cleveland rocks!

Huge “Rocky!” chants. He asks where the ladies are in the house. He loves the ladies. There’s a special lady who is at home. This song is for that very, very special lady, and the Rock will see you tonight.

Rock’s getting’ some wine, and a dozen roses,
she’s going to meet my Holy Moses.
Gettin’ with the Rock is the bomb,
don’t believe me, ask Cena’s Mom!

Let’s Rock,
everybody, let’s Rock.
Cena’s Mom can barely walk,
but we’re dancin’ ’cause Cleveland rocks

One more time.
Cena’s Mom can barely walk,
and we’re dancin’ ’cause Cleveland rocks.

The fans are loving Rocky. He says that’s what he’s talking about. There’s only one way to end the night, to end the Rock Concert. This song is for the people, for Team Bring It. This song is for the millions – and millions – of the Rock’s fans who stand side by side and supports the jabroni beating, pie eating, trail blazing, eyebrow raising, the Rock came back to scratch a major itch, going to make Cena his kung pow bitch. Cleveland broke the record tonight, they’re all singing this song, and it goes something like this.

Lights come up and the stomp, stomp, clap starts. Rocky really screwed up the words to the first verse terribly. It’s just too fast for him. During the chorus he says that Cena sucks. He again changes the words in the second verse, but he massacres them so badly that I can’t follow him. The words are on the tron, changing color for him to follow and Rocky just can’t keep up with them. He ends by pushing the biggest match ever coming up at WrestleMania. If you smell, what the Rock is cookin’!

If you really want all those words, I will post them tomorrow on RAW Is Blogged. Rocky’s singing has been absurd to try to write as he sings, and I’m sorry it’s so late, but I wanted to get all the words out there for those who were unable to watch RAW this week, but loves it when Rocky is on.

Biggest pop
Rock
Punk
Sheamus

Biggest heat
Cena
Vickie
Laurinaitis

Most mixed
Punk

Download Our Free App

Download our FREE App! Dirt Sheet for iPhone, Android and iPad.

Connect With WNW

Follow us on Facebook, Twitter, Google+ and LinkedIn!

  • WyFo

    All the kids in that arena were probably like “HUH??” when Cena came out hahaha hope this is a permanent change.

    • MVP

      Cena single-handedly bringing down the PG era…

      • James

        Oh the irony

  • Victor

    Heeeeeeeeeeeee’s baaaaaccckkkkk

  • Kleck

    For goddess sakes, Sheamus took one hell of a hit. Look at that welt!

  • Bigbdawg

    I thought cena the wankster was gonna rap just cause every couple words rhyme dont make it a rap it sounded like dr suess tryin to be gangsta rock once again gonna make him look like crap

    • J_Dog

      Ugh, unfortunately some people are just never going to be satisfied, he does exactly what people were clamouring for him to do and they just decide he didn’t do it good enough. I don’t actually remember the book where Mr Seuss M.D used the phrase “chickens**t” but I will be happy to withdraw that If you can point me in the direction of it.

      • Bigbdawg

        @ jdog Wow he said chicken shit that makes him a rapper the dr suess reference was cause how he rapped not what he said now go to bed little boy it’s past your bed time

    • Bigbdawg

      Like I said cena was destroyed by rocky

      • havoc525

        You’re delusional man. Rock fan here and for one, he had to have his words the whole time. On top of that, his last “song” was beyond horrible.

        • Bigbdawg

          Your right about that last song but all in all killed cenas 15 sec rhyme

    • Einar

      "just cause every couple words rhyme dont make it a rap" yes it does that is what rap is.

      • Bigbdawg

        You sir are an idiot u have no idea what rap is now go listen to your Taylor swift cd

  • Silver

    I don't want to be "that guy", but I made comments awhile back about how we will likely see Otunga vs. Santino at Wrestlemania to determine control of both brands and that Miz would go face and got downvoted quite a bit, but now it appears as if both are happening.

    Otunga and Santino have both improved in the ring, and with this match giving lots of other people a chance to appear on the card, this is likely to be an entertaining match. Money in the Bank still would have been nice, but this will do.

    And as far as Miz is concerned, I'll say it again: we need GOOD faces. Getting over as a face is notoriously difficult, but Miz is one of the best talkers in the WWE today and if anyone can do it, it's him. The true test of a great star is getting over as both a heel AND a face, and this is Miz's chance to really show everyone that he belongs on the top of the card again in the future.

    • Joe

      And just how is this Miz’s chance to get over as a face? I agree he’s great on the mic, and I’m a fan of his, but his in ring work either hasn’t gone up or has gotten weaker and he’s not even getting the same heat he once did. I think he should turn face but I don’t see how this is the time for it.

    • XKonn247

      You’re not “that guy”. It’s safe to say everyone saw it coming.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100003405718418 Mary

      i dont get why people boo john cena, all he does is do tiyreehvng he can for the wwe fans, he doesnt even try to piss em off, he does tiyreehvng to giv em the best performance, he has always been a clean wrestler, and people boo him, if you dont like john cena your a fagget

  • wes

    hahah taker just said april 21st ….he has been terrible on the mic latly, only reason people dont think he has been is because of how long hes been gone, but damn come on, his match this year will be a sloppy mess thats why its hiac, come on taker time to hang it up same with you triple h, wwe is doing fine without u in the picture

    • Bryant24

      I suppose u mean the wwe is doing good without hhh and taker have u seen capitol punishment what Part of that is doing good and the only reason they r doing goo is because of cm punk John cena and the rock or they would be hopeless boring and dry

      • wes

        if dumb if you want to see taker vs hh all the time.. taker can barley move, he does not deserve to be in the ring at all, he a botch fest waiting to happen..i can tell you right now at wm it will be a clothsline follwed b 10 mins of laying on the mat, rinse repeat, that match will suck balls

    • huh

      wes you are the biggest f’ed up jackass ever!!! Are you on drugs? Taker has been perfect on the mic, just like he always is…so get your head out of your ass, you ignorant idiot.

      • wes

        he sucks his promos suck are you stupid, to think that taker vs hhh is worth the time on a WM card..its not, mayeb hte rock shouldnt be blamed for taking a main event spot, but maybe triple h and take should, hell rocks done way for wrestlemania this year then taker and triple h, triple h and taker both need to let their egos go, wwe is fine without them

  • Jay

    Cena tried way too hard to be the old Thuganomic character. Felt stupid and forced

    Seeing a Taker/Michaels/HHH promo instantly results in me switching the channel, the promos are boring as hell.

    Loved Ziggler/Sheamus match, was really hoping for a Bryan interference so Ziggler could get the win. Really hate seeing Sheamus go on this win streak, and even though I like his ruthlessness I really hope WWE decides to build up Daniel Bryan as a credible champ. I am hoping Bryan goes over at WM, I hate how he has the typical cowardly champ gimmick, it's so annoying to see all these heels with it. It absolutely killed Christian in the Christian/Orton feud. Despite this, Bryan's character has been so fun to watch.

    Speaking of which, I hope Christian is the sole survivor for Team Laurinitatis, he deserves that sort of win at WM. I love Mark Henry's ruthlessness and smack talk, too bad he's injured.

  • MVP

    Miz joins Team Teddy Long and turns face!

  • WyFo

    Because Miz lost, I think we’re going to see a face turn and he’s going to join Teddy Long’s team at WrestleMania.

  • Brodus Clay

    someone call my mama!

    • The Real Brodus Clay

      *somebody

    • XKonn247

      You’d think someone with the name “Brodus Clay” would get the catchphrase right… SomeBODY call my momma.

      • Patrick_Peralta

        Ernest the Cat Miller used the catchphrase . Somebody call my momma. first. Brodus didn't come up with it.

  • Rachel Orton

    John L. Better not win a wrestle mania i cant stand him 1 bit. Its nice to see that some of Cena’s padt indentities are coming back just4 tonight.

    • Ace

      Sorry but I just had to vote your comment down because of the grammar.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100003405728319 Jan

      I thought RAW skeucd. Piper is a shell of his former self. I think he and the writers were expecting more boos for Cena than he actually got. They both looked a little surprised .. with a hey where do we take this now? kinda of twinkle in their eye. Passing the ring to cena reminded me of Hogan and Kane 2. or Abyss. Whatever his name is. I love Piper. I just think last night he could have been better. Cena doesnt put off any energy for Piper to work with Next step would be to do a Pit with the Rock. I think that could be fun. and lastly a 3rd pit with both Rock & Cena. Lets take you back to WM3. Pipers Pit lead to Hogan & Andre. Had them each on then together when Andre challenged Hulk. Easy formula. The final pit, with both Rock & Cena could be the final push the Monday before mania. With it getting very ugly. Almost shoot like. ..and of course, someone snapping. Could just be enough to send fence sitters and doubters over the edge and order. Tho I do agree w/ previous posters. This would be a great time for Cena to go heel. After WM, when Rocky & Cena do the mutual ass kissing arm raising thing, Cena can go back to being bob backlund 2k. nice and boring.Dont like the Divas. pointless. is it that hard to find a diva who work a stick? (insert joke here)Such a boring segment. Waste of money, talent and tv time. If they want to make sure Bryan Danielson gets over, let him keep OFF THE MIC.Fan of Ziggler. He’ll be huge one day and regret these days. This is his stunning era. (as in stunning steve austin Wait until they unleash the real Zig. I’ll take Cole over Lawler and Booker any day. He plays the role so well. You want to reach thru the TV and punch him in the eye socket. In other words, he’s doing his job well. Couldnt care less about old man Kane. Masked or not, he’s another idiot who takes 11 minutes to get in the ring. Slow, lame and he’s the rex grossman of wrestling. We know who he is..we know what he can and cant do. What can we do with him? Put him against Taker in WM? no way. After the HHH and Michaels match .. this would be dreadful. Jericho and CM PUNK at mania would be groovy to the max. Make it happen WWE.The match could end up being the best on the card. Y2J shows up and blames Punk for stealing his entire gimmick. Including calling himself the best in the world. Nice stick work leading up to it.Boom. Simple and easy. hell of a match.Times change. Nash is 3rd Eye Blind in a Black Eyed Peas world. I dont understand Chads crush on Wade Barrett. I cant get past his ears. I liked him better when his name was Steven Regal. To me, he is boring. He doesnt pop w/ me. He has SOMETHING, but they better shine him up and repackage him soon. Im done .. hit my music

  • mark_3_man

    raw started earlier than normal??? Ive miss the first hour, guess the clocks changed in america

    • Brick

      USA! USA! USA!

      • XKonn247

        What? Why? Clocks change and You get patriotic? Wow.

  • Nameless one

    Cena and rock were both a complete joke even worse than they usually are.

    • Bryant24

      The rock a joke??? Without him no one would be excited for wrestlemania and no one would have watched wrestlemania 27 either and u have the gall to say that the rock one of the best if not the best promo cutter in the history of the wwe is a joke do u think before u speak u idiot

      • Bigbdawg

        Agreed

        • wes

          what people would of watched mania even if rock wasnt there last year

      • XKonn247

        Who wouldn’t have watched Mania? I was in a bar of about 60 people all watching for one…

      • Patrick_Peralta

        Newsflash I'm not excited about the Rock or Wrestlemania and don't plan to order it or buy the DVD. the one match I'd watch "Daniel Bryan Vs Sheamus" I can watch online.

  • Tone

    wow… all of that was painful. Rock doesn’t have it anymore or he isnt putting in the time

  • Joey

    classic rocky tonight

  • James

    Cena sucked, rock sucked. That’s the only honest unbiased way to look at it.

  • Joe

    I was more impress with cenas 3 minute rap then rocks concert and trust me I hate cena this shits getting boring these guys have to start attacking each other not singing or rapping about each other lil less talk more action please

  • Dig Baddy

    I'm not a Cena fan but I marked out a little when he came out like that…until Rock's song. Just classic!

  • BrianJ

    Thuganomics was one of the main reasons I stopped watching wrestling for a few years. So as cheesy as the Rock concert was, I still enjoyed it way more than Cena’s rap/poem. I’ll take Fruity Pebbles over Thuganomics any day.

    On a side note, I did enjoy the Orton looking over his shoulder/Kane mind games aspect. I just hope we will get a decent explanation for their feud.

  • Andrew

    Now that was the John Cena who I liked as a teenager. He would come out and rap about his opponents then beat there ass. Wear the throwbacks and just be mean.

    The Rock should of came in with the leather pants, leather vest and shades. Both men we “ON” tonight, its just Rock got way more time. Cena’s was straight to the point.

    Why is everyone overlooking Chris Jericho”s promo?? This match with Punk will definitely be the match of the night come Wrestlemania. WWE added a nice twist to the Punk/Jericho feud and I’m looking forward to that.

    David Otunga’s lawyer advertisement was pure genius!! Loved it!!

    I want to see Brodus in a feud.

    Out of this HHH/Taker/HBK thing, am I the only one who sees HBK doing one more match against HHH? And Taker needs to take off the hood!!!

  • Ricky

    Rock killed Cena tonight, i dnt even remember 2003 Cena rap except it sucked, rock had me pissin my pants with laughter, by the way for those of u who think this fued is sucking this far…out of curiosity, how would u handle/play out the fued???

  • Rocky808

    The Rock Terminated Cena
    Cena jus got smoked

  • Stoney

    PG went straight out the window tonight

  • Dan

    Cena sucked tonight. Almost as if they write something up for him and didn’t let him be himself. I don’t like Cena but when they let him be himself in mic he really can cut a great promo.

    • Bigbdawg

      Not a cena fan either but he is one of the better promo guys as long as he don’t try to rap cause his rapping sucks

  • Bryan

    Im almost 30 years old, Ive been watching WWF/WWE for most of my life, and I STILL get chills everytime that gong hits and Taker walks down the aisle.

    • havoc525

      Same here, but it’s for a different reason now vs. the past. Before it was because it was so cool, so different. Now it’s because I don’t know how many more there will be, it’s winding down, and it sucks to know that he won’t be around too much longer.

  • Kleck

    Very entertaining Raw. I think Rocky had this night over Cena. I think Jericho raised the fued up to a new level with the low blow true or not. It was nice to see Brodus dancing around like a fool. A new WrestleMania match…but nothing on the Diva match and Kharma…the road to WM has been entertainig so far

  • H.M.

    I was probably in the minority here in that I was hoping for the OLD Rock. He was smiling too much; I know that sounds like a stupid thing to say but he didn't and hasn't entirely had the 'ROCK' vibe. At least come out with the shades D: Of course the show was awesome.

    My highlight of the night was the Jericho/Punk segment. I really with this feud received more attention. Mahal/Clay was completely pointless and did nothing for Mania. Time that could have been better spent. And the idea of Miz turning face sounds intriguing. He didn't do/say or act that heelish last night.

  • Alejandro

    I forgot how some fans can never be satisfied.They moan about how Cena should bring back the rapper gimmick,he does for a night,and people complain.The Rock continues to appear on RAW live and do the rock concert,and guess what?People complain.Taker and Shawn have a promo to furthur build up the Hell In a Cell match,but more complaining.Good god guys,they can’t do all physical stuff leading up to Wrestlemania.And it’s not like RAW lacked in in ring stuff last night.

  • Aj

    Good to see the old cena back! Also another terrific segment from the rock!

  • The Whiz

    I can see that the Miz will turn face and join Team Long and feud with Del Rio in the future because remember back when Del Rio said in an interview that he hates Miz.

  • Richard M

    The ratings of the wwe have been dropping recently, if both undertaker and hhh retire expect it to go down further

  • Einar

    wonder what the rocks wife thinks about him dissing "lady parts". And talking smack about the menstrual cycle. I mean I love lady parts. (maby not on a man. And the menstrual cycle, that was why god invited camping so we could run away for some days every month)

  • Justin

    It was refreshing to see old school Cena. But I'll admit. The Rock totally pwned Cena.

    David Otunga's lawyer commercial was hilarious.

    Finally, the CM Punk and Chris Jericho storyline I'm not really a fan of. CM Punk's father being a drunk is the reason why people refer to wrestling as a soap opera for men.

  • Guest

    I guess I was the only one who didn't like jericho's "give into the hate…uh i mean beer" speech.

  • Mr. A.k.A.

    What is wrong with some of you? Rock sucked. He had everything written out for him and still screwed up. Hes a wash up. Terrible. I dont even like Cena and I cant wait for Rock to pass the torch and disappear again.

    Takers getting old. Hes forgetting things and messing up. I think this may be the year for the dead man to hang up the ole boots.

    Brodus Clay needs a real match.

    I wish they'd quit burying Miz. Hes a great performer and does so much for the company.

  • http://www.thebacklinksguru.com Jibble Jeb

    lol not bad!