RAW this week starts with video recap of last week’s main event, then Kane’s attack on Cena and Ryder.
Kane’s fire erupts, then lights out. Red lights come up on stage and Kane is standing there surrounded in smoke. He comes to the ring wearing his over mask. Into the ring he raises fire from the four corners, then removes the over mask. He says he sees the disapproving looks. He hears the weak little whispers, wondering why he embraces hate. Not only and we deplorably predictable, we’re in denial. Kane says we all get up next to a spouse we can’t stand, to a job we despise, then home to kids we say we love, but deep down we think to ourselves that they’re nothing but soft, spoiled disappointments. He says we all live lives filled with pure hate! But we don’t embrace it. Either we’re too cowardly or because we fill our lives with delusions of hope like Cena! Cena represents hope. He represents success. Everything we aspire to achieve, but cannot. When we see Cena we should see our failures, our shortcomings, our unfulfilled dreams!
It should anger us and it does. When we say ‘Cena sucks!’ what we’re really saying is that we suck. And we do because we refuse to embrace the hate that’s bubbling up like a festering cauldron. Kane says we like to think of ourselves as decent human beings, but we’re liars. We think cheering for an underdog makes us good and decent. Look at Ryder! Kane says we made him a star. That proves nothing! Last week he was seconds away from carrying that vessel of our vicarious elation down to the depths of hell. But Cena stopped that. All Cena did was delay the inevitable. Unlike us fans, Kane always gets what he wants! What he wants are consequences. Consequences for refusing to embrace hate!
Cena’s music. Out to the stage, off comes his shirt and he runs to the ring. Cena on Kane with blows. Cena clotheslines Kane from the ring, then out after him. They exchange blows. Down by the side of the ramp, then through uprights and into the back area. Cena thrown into men wearing suits. Kane attacks one man, then back after Cena. Cena slammed into a door, then takes more blows form Kane. Cena thrown into another door,t hen they’re outside. On the loading dock and Cena gains control almost sending Kane off the side backward. Cena sent to knock over poles, then comes back at Kane with a crowbar. Upper cut from Cena and he lands in a piles of trash and boxes. Cena lays there, then bounces up, but Kane is gone! Cena looks all around, but no Kane to be seen!
Recap of Kane and Cena fighting outside, then Kane was gone.
Sheamus & Santino vs Wade Barrett & Jinder Mahal
Sheamus out with a light smile on his face. Video of Sheamus going after Mahal, but Barrett attacked from behind, then Mahal locked on a cobra clutch on Sheamus! Santino out in his normal goofy way. Barrett out to face them, but waits outside the ring for Mahal who joins him.
Santino and Mahal start. Blows on Mahal, but he comes back with a knee to Santino’s gut. A high knee to Santino’s face for two. Barrett tags in and on Santino with a neck breaker for two. Chinlock on Santino on the mat. “Santino” chants. Knees to Santino’s gut then he’s whipped to a corner. Mahal tags in and stomps Santino. Chinlock on Santino on the mat. Santino up and punches free, then a jawbreaker. Sheamus tags in and on Mahal with clotheslines. Sheamus on Mahal in a corner with blows all over. Mahal slammed to the mat, then a right knocks Barrett from the apron. Brogue kick, then he tags Santino in! Santino puts the sleeve on and sets up for the cobra and hits it. Santino gets the three.
Winners – Santino & Sheamus
Video of the brogue kick and the cobra. Sheamus and Santino celebrate as Barrett glares from the ramp.
Miz says it’s unfair that R-Truth has attacked him twice. Laurinaitis says he has a lot on his plate. He’s Special Guest Ref in the WWE Title match at the Royal Rumble. He has a huge Supershow tonight and Brodus’ debut. Miz asks for private security. Laurinaitis says he can’t do that, but Miz can on his own. Laurinaitis says he’s not Little Jimmy, he’s Big Johnny!. Otunga and Laurinaitis smirk over his joke. Miz leaves looking disgusted.
The first inductee into the WWE Hall of Fame Class of 2012 is the Rated R Superstar Edge. A beautiful video from the Brood to E&C, Hogan, WWE Champ, Foley, Royal Rumble winner, Orton, Punk. As expected and fully deserving, Edge will be inducted this year. King then talks up Edge and another will be announced later.
Miz is trying to get a bodyguard, but Ryan isn’t interested.
Ryder on his cell talking to his father about being afraid of Kane, then Eve shows and he’s all macho. He then asks Eve out and think they should go, right now! Eve agrees, but she has a match against Beth and if she wins she might get a Title match. Ryder is cool with that. Eve leaves and he’s nervous. Ryder leaves and Kane comes from behind a door looking very mysterious.
Kofi Kingston vs Daniel Bryan
Kofi comes bouncing out to the ring with decent pop. Cole talks about how Kofi talked down Bryan and how he beat Big Show, so this match was set up. Bryan out all excited, Kofi rolls his eyes. Video of Big Show breaking Bryan’s hold, then Bryan out to taunt Henry so Bryan would keep his Title. Bryan then celebrated as if he took Big Show out! Bryan still bouncing all over the ring, Kofi not impressed.
Handshake instigated by Bryan! Arm hold on Kofi, then he’s whipped but then kicks up at Bryan. Kofi then flies in a crossbody for two. Bryan ducks a Kofi kick, then rolls Kofi up. Kofi reverses on Bryan for two. Bryan whipped, runs up the corner and flips back over Kofi. Kofi kicks back, then flies at Bryan, but it’s reversed into a lebell lock. Bryan lock it in tight, Kofi finally taps out.
Winner – Bryan
Bryan celebrates on announce and on the barriers, all excited as if he just won the belt. Big Show’s music hits and Bryan stops in his tracks. Big Show out to the ring. Big Show gives his hat to a tiny service woman. Bryan in the ring to wait for Big Show. Big Show in and says… Bryan cuts him off and says he’s thinking and feeling the way Big Show does. He hates how that ended! The Title is too important for that to have ended that way. He’s a fighting Champ and will give Big Show a shot when he wants. Big Show says he’s glad Bryan agrees and Long agrees. They will have it on SD, No DQ, No Countout Match. Bryan looks green. They shake and Big Show says something quietly to Bryan that I can’t hear. Big Show leave the ring all happy, Bryan doesn’t look so thrilled.
Royal Rumble 1994 – Diesel cleans house, but it ended with Lex Luger and Bret Hart both flying out together, so it was a tie! (I’ll fill you in on more of the match tomorrow.)
Brodus Clay vs Curt Hawkins
The Funkasaurus Brodus Clay out to the ring, bimbo dancers and all. He’s in a red track suit with BC and red fedora. He’s lost serious weight, but wtf? Curt Hawkins is ringside to face him. I’m totally confused, as King and Cole seem too.
Brodus wiggles his hips and dances around when the bell rings. Hawkins slammed to the mat, Brodus dances more. Hawkins tries a move, but can’t pull Brodus. Brodus sends Hawkins running the ropes, right into Brodus’ head! More dancing, then Hawkins brought up and suplexed. Brodus gyrates and says, “My bad.” Brodus splashes Hawkins in a corner, then squashes him in the center of the ring for three.
Winner – Brodus Clay
Brodus dances all over the ring with his gogo dancers. He then holds the ropes for the girls.
Ryder brushing his teeth, all excited about going out with Eve. Kane is seen in the mirror as he spitted. Ryder through he saw him, then wasn’t sure and freaked out.
Miz can’t get Primo and Epico to protect him, Rosa says no. Punk comes up on his way tot he ring. Miz gets all pissy at him and stomps off. Punk smirks.
Jack Swagger w/ Vickie & Dolph vs CM Punk
Swagger out to the ring with both Vickie and Dolph in tow. Punk out to the ring to face Swagger. Laurinaitis out and introduces himself. In three weeks Royal Rumble he’s the Special Guest Ref between Dolph and Punk. Punk must be sure that Laurinaitis won’t be fair. But if Punk defeats Swagger tonight, then Swagger and Vickie are banned from ringside. Dolph needs to stay in shape, so tonight Dolph will face Cena.
Punk tauts Swagger a bit, then Swagger grabs Punk’s leg. Punk to the ropes. They muscle around a bit, Punk taken over, Swagger taken down. Cole says Brodus Clay is trending on Twitter! Swagger backed into the ropes, Vickie screeches. They lock up, Swagger behind, Punk muscles out. Side headlock on Swagger. Swagger takes Punk down, Punk holds on. Punk behind, Swagger turns and Punk backed into a corner. Punk out with kicks, then a slam on Swagger. Punk climbs, Swagger rolls out of the way. Punk jumps down as Swagger hangs out with Dolph and Vickie outside.
Swagger back in and on Punk with forearms to Punk’s back. Swagger stands on Punk’s hand in the ropes. Punk ducks Swagger twice, then off the ropes with a crossbody for two. Punk and Swagger reverse each other, Swagger goes for the ankle lock, Punk free. Shoulder block drops Punk to the mat. Punk in a corner, then knees from Swagger that look terribly fake. Snap mare on Punk, then Punk’s arms pinned back. Punk to his feet and Swagger tries to roll him up in a quick schoolboy, but he fumbles around and almost tries to grab Punk by his peepee to roll him up! Swagger figures it out for two. Swagger on Punk from behind. Punk to his feet, then elbows free. Knee to Punk’s gut, then Swagger sends Punk out. Laurinaitis keeps Dolph away from Punk.
Punk dodges back in between Swagger’s feet, then clotheslines Swagger from the ring. Punk flies out onto Swagger, luckily is able to stop himself before he eats the front corner of announce!
Front facelock on Punk in the center of the ring. Vickie screaming, Laurinaitis watching by announce. Punk back with blows, then runs into a big boot for two. Forearm to Punk’s back, then another. Punk eats the corner, then blows from Punk. Punk reverses on Swagger, then knees to Swagger’s face. Kicks, then a neckbreaker for two. Swagger eat a high knee in a corner, then Swagger reverses out of the bulldog and splashes Punk for two. Swagger yells at Punk to stay down. Swagger tries to splash again, but at Punk’s feet. Punk off the corner, Swagger catches Punk and slams him to the mat for two. More yelling from Swagger. Punk reverses the gut wrench. They both reverse back and forth until a belly-to-belly from Swagger for two. Punk set up top on a corner. Swagger up, but Punk with blows to his gut. Head butt and Swagger falls back to the mat. Punk up and hits Savage’s elbow for three? There was question as Swagger kicks out, but the ref says Punk wins it.
Winner – Punk
Laurinaitis around the ring. Video recap about the ending. It was very close and the ref called it three. Punk sits in the ring as the rest leave. Punk the poses for the fans. Slo-mo shows that Swagger’s shoulder was up. Cole says the ref blew the call, that’s why Laurinaitis has put himself in as ref for this match. Cole and King argue about this. They then go on to talk about Kane and show video of Cena and Kane fighting outside. Cena lands, but gets up and Kane was gone.
Cena and Ryder talking. Cena says, “And that’s what they call marine biology!” as if he was ending a joke. Ryder then thanks Cena for the 800th time for the Title match, then saving him from Kane. He’s still weirded out by Kane and Eve and… Cena stops Ryder to say that Ryder passed Miz on Twitter to make Ryder in the top 5 followed WWE Superstars. Cena told him he knew it would be hectic, but Ryder has to keep it together. Cena leaves with a slap to the arm. Ryder looks behind him all freaked out.
The Bellas arguing again, this time about Keibler. Ricardo was called there from Mexico all for a message for ADR. Miz tells Ricardo he’s going to call out R-Truth. Ricardo says it’s loco. Miz tells him to draw out R-Truth, then he’ll take Ricardo out. Miz tells Ricardo if he doesn’t, then he’ll be injured with ADR. Ricardo asks the Bellas to join him, they won’t. Ricardo goes with his head hung.
The Four Horsemen are being inducted into the WWE Hall of Fame. Great video for the group.
In Ring Segment
Ricardo is out there stumbling over his words. He says R-Truth is a really bad man. His mother is really ugly, has a mustache. R-Truth smells like a wet donkey. His breath is like a rotten burrito. R-Truth out sniffing his pits and looking confused. Ricardo looks like he’s about to cry. “Oh Lucy, I’m home!” says R-Truth with a strange and creep smile, batting his lashes. “Hola Ricardo!” he doesn’t know why Ricardo wants to pick a fight with R-Truth. R-Truth says ridc has it all wrong. “What?” R-Truth’s not a bad man. “What?” Now R-Truth is playing to Austin’s ‘What’s?’ R-Truth says he’s a good R-Truth. In fact, Little Jimmy told him to let bygones be bygones and let Ricardo go. Little Jimmy? “What?” Little Jimmy? “What?” Should he let Ricardo go? “NO!” Ricardo begs R-Truth. R-Truth spins around and says Little Jimmy doesn’t think much of Ricardo. Little Jimmy wants R-Truth to turn Ricardo into a human pinata. Ricardo then whines asking Miz for help. R-Truth says he’s bugging out like a little cockroach. R-Truth says Little Jimmy wants him to sing a song. La Cucaracha! Ricardo’s voice wiggles around. Finally Ricardo sings the song and gets into it wonderfully. “One more ‘gain!” Ricardo reaches and slaps R-Truth’s mic away on accident. R-Truth looks about to blow. R-Truth slams Ricardo face first to the mat.
Suddenly Miz attacks R-Truth from behind – he came through the crowd wearing a black hoodie. Miz stops to remove the hoodie and gloat. This gives R-Truth time and he attacks Miz. Miz flees through the stands. R-Truth doesn’t follow and gets back in the ring arguing with himself, or Little Jimmy.
In Ring Segment
Justin announces Jericho as the only man to defeat SCSA and Rock in one night to become the first ever Undisputed Champion! Lights out, then Jericho back to the fans wearing his fun jacket from last week. Pyro and Jericho turns around and comes out to the ring. He poses on the apron, then into the ring. Jericho again tries to get the fans cheering as he points, but it just doesn’t work the way it did last week. His music keeps playing, so he leaves the ring to slap hands and pose with fans. More hand slapping, then back to the ring. His music just keeps going on and on. He splits up the fans and gets them cheering, but not loud like last week. Finally his music is quieter, but keeps going. He takes a mic and smiles in the ring.
The music finally stops and there’s a lot of “Y2J!” chants. He poses on a corner and they cheer for him. Jericho looks around and the chants that get loud again, then louder. Mic in hand, but Jericho looks like he’s going to cry, tears in his eyes. He looks around, his eyes red, looking teary. Jericho starts to cry and the chants fill the arena again. He can’t seem to force the tears out, though he looks to be bawling. Arm on the top rope, head shaking, below his eyes is wet, but no real tears showing. He walks across the ring, drops the mic and then leaves the ring bawling as his music starts again. Up the ramp Jericho cries and wipes his eyes. Up on the stage he puts a fist to his chest, raises a thumb, then waves and leaves.
Royal Rumble 1998 – Tyson is watching from high in the stands. SCSA arrives and about clears the ring. Down to Rocky and Austin. Stunner on Rocky, then Austin throws him out. Tyson cheers Austin!
Eve vs Beth
Eve out in champagne pink and silver. Justin is about to announce Beth, but fire and red lights. Eve is scared and leaves the ring. Ryder runs down and takes Eve’s hand. They run off by the stage and out. They get outside and he gets her in the SUV. The tire is flat. He tells her to lock herself in and he starts changing the tire maniacally. She’s yelling at him to hurry up, they have to go – like that helps!
Ryder is still changing the tire and Eve is still freaking out. He starts to get the donut on, but is struggling.
Dolph Ziggler vs John Cena
Dolph is already in the ring, Vickie ringside. Cena out to face him.
Side headlock on Cena. Dolph and Cena duck each other back and forth, then Dolph gets all cocky about it. They lock up, side headlock on Cena, but Cena pushes him off. Drop toe hold by Cena, then Dolph kicks Cena off to a corner. Zig/zag from Dolph for two. Blows and kicks on Cena in a corner. Dolph stomps Cena down. Cena rolls out. Dolph with a chinlock on Cena, while holding it he goes up into his favorite headstand, then bridges. Dolph back to the regular position, then back to his silly headstand. King says that Dolph can say, “I can beat Cena while standing on my head!” Cole agrees, I giggle. They then argue about this. The women and children chant for Cena. Cena to his feet, then suplexes free. Cena rushes Dolph, then eats corner. Elbow drops on Cena, over and over. Dolph then does sit-ups. Dolph goes for another elbows drop but Cena moves. Shoulder blocks from Cena, the his slam in what Cole calls ‘vintage’ Cena.
Up on the tron shows Ryder seems to have the donut on, but struggling with the jack. Cena watches this on the tron,t hen Kane attacks as Eve screams. Sleeper on Cena as Kane knees Ryder. Kane gets Ryder over to where they were earlier and chokeslams him off the side. Ryder didn’t drop as far as he should have and there was no wooden cracking sound. Cena out of the ring and Dolph jumps on his back again for another sleeper. Cena purposefully drops back slamming Dolph into the stairs to get him to let go. Cena to his feet and he runs up the ramp and out. Vickie is yelling at Dolph to get in the ring!
Cena runs out back, right into an upper cut and blows from Kane. Kane gets his hand over Cena’s face and holds it there until Cena passes out, his head hanging over the edge and Ryder laid out on the pallet bellow. The camera zooms in on Kane as he looms over Cena. The camera tight in on Kane’s face. Around his eye is more of a red face paint than the black he used to use.
Thanks for reading,