This three hour Slammy Award episode of RAW starts with a video about the Slammy Awards. This is the must see event of the year!
Booker out for the Tell Me I Did Not Just See That Slammy! Hornswoggle out to join Booker wearing a fro wig. Booker says it’s for the most head scratching moment of the year. That a leprechaun wishing to be able to speak from Santa is not the craziest. Horns then talks up Booker taking out Cody this coming Sunday, can you dig that? Booker said, sucker!
Nominees – JR’s dancing, ADR going to WM, Santino getting eliminated from the RR, Cena taking out R-Truth, Miz out as Rocky with a Rock bottom on Cena.
The winner is JR! Horns is the one who announces it. JR out with Eve and Foxy on his arms. Cole is not happy about this and is loud about it. JR thanks the fans chanting his name. He didn’t think he’d win a Slammy for getting jiggy with it.
Cole into the ring and says this is a sham. The contest was rigged and he’s accepting an award for it. JR got jiggly with it! Booker stops Cole calling him a loser. Cole lost the contest and tonight JR can beat Cole in a rap-off. Booker takes JR’s award and the three of them head to the ring as King is giggly on announce about it all.
Booker has Horns hold the Slammy. Booker says Cole can go first. Cole says he listens to Eminem, not eating them like JR.
My name is Cole, that’s my name.
I’m like JR and even smaller.
I went to WM and beat Jerry Lawler.
You know JR, I’m better than you.
I’m the voice of this show, not a fat tub of goo.
JR, I know you’re jealous, you should take a hike,
You know the whole wide world wants to be like Mike!
So JR go crawl back in your hole,
You just got schooled by ‘vintage’ Cole!
The fans are NOT impressed. Booker says it was the worst rap he’s heard in his life. If he wants to see a real old school old Gee, his his man JR’s music. JR steps in and doesn’t want the music. Booker says he don’t need no music. Booker says JR’s going acapella baby! JR’s about to start and music starts! What happened to no music?
Michael Cole, you’re a damn fool,
King beat you like a government mule!
I should be calling RAW because you aint on my level,
Well, you’re not on my level. (Cole says it’s supposed to rhyme)
Okay then (repeats the first part)
I should be calling RAW, cause you aint got no talent,
You ah, you kissed the King’s feet, now kiss my ass!
I never said I was a rapper!
Booker announces JR the Champ and Cole goes crazy. They boo Cole, so JR wins! It was obvious that JR lost all he was supposed to say here. Cole leaves, then JR tries to leave and Booker stops him. The fans want to see something they haven’t seen before. They’ve seen a spin-a-roonie, how bout a JR-a-roonie. This is trending on Twitter as Cole freaks about JR not rhyming. Booker hits his, then Booker gets the fans chanting for JR. Booker’s music and JR hits the worst roonie ever! Cole, still on his feet is screaming about it being the worst thing he’s ever seen. He yells that JR is fat, old and stinks!
Backstage Foley is heading for the stage for the next Slammy!
Foley and Ted DiBiase to the stage with Foxy and Eve on their arms. Both are in black suits with black shirts. They’re there for the Holy Bleep Moment of The Year! Foley says he’s been speared through a table on fire, chokeslammed through tacks, even thrown off the HIAC! He’s had as many Bleep moments as anyone in history. But why pair him with Ted? Is it because Ted is the richest in the WWE ‘Universe’ and Foley is the cheapest? Foley says he likes to think he’s thrifty. Ted says he’s an ordained minister. Foley says that makes Ted the Holy part of this duo, so Foley is the Bleep! Ted laughs and tells Foley he gets it!
Nominees are > Sheamus puts Sin Cara through a ladder, Orton RKO’s Christian into the stairs, Big Show and Henry break the ring, Evan hits an SSP on 5 guys.
The winner is Big Show and Henry!
Big Show out to accept the Slammy. He thanks the academy or sports entertainment and arts and athletics. He’s by himself as Henry’s a bit gun shy after what Big Show did to him last week. What would look good with the Slammy? If he had the WHC next to it. It’s for the most visual spectacular… He’s not spectacular flapping his gums up there, so he’s going to the ring to be spectacular there!
Big Show vs Wade Barrett
Big Show to the ring. Video of Big Show and Henry on SD last week. Henry attacked Big Show, but Big Show got back by going after Henry’s ankle with a chair. Wade out with a pissy look on his face. He says that some might argue that award is premature bearing in mind what he’ll do to Orton at TLC. But that award is about the unexpected and there will be nothing unexpected about what he does to Orton. Big Show better hope he doesn’t walk out of TLC as Champ or the Barratt barrage will be after Big Show next!
Wade outside the ring and hurting. Big Show pulls Wade up but gets hung up up top. Wade into the ring and eats a shoulder block. Big Show follows Wade out where there’s a table and chair. Wade up, but Wade wiggles and sends Big Show into a post. Wade kicks Big Show who lands leaning on the table. Wade to the corner and second rope, but Big Show to his feet. Double ax handle and Big Show breaks the table with two blows. One blow to Wade and he’s sent from the apron over the top and into the ring. Wade grabs a chair, but Big Show punches it and the ref calls for the bell. Big Show clotheslines Wade over the top and out.
Winner – Big Show via DQ
Wade flees the ring, Big Show slowly leaves the ring while slightly favoring the fist he punched the chair with. Video of Big Show punching the chair.
Video about the problems between Nash and Trip going into their Match at TLC, then into a TLC promo.
Road Dogg Jesse James! He comes out in a DX shirt! He welcomes people to the Dogg House and gives promo, but the fans don’t know who he is. He’s trying to stay PG. He goes into his regular promo and is there presenting the Slammy for Pipe Bomb of The Year!
Nominees > R-Truth screws up location, Santino taken down by secret service and can’t speak correctly, SCSA offering Punk booze, Miz and Christian arguing with R-Truth coming in with Jimmy, R-Truth can’t spell or say big words, Booker’s screwy words and creativity on announce, Rocky and lady parts, Punk talking texts about thinking mash was dead, Finkle not being able to announce, Sheamus and Beaker, Pee-Wee and Gene, Ryder with Cena on his show, Long is tongue tied, Punk wants his ice cream bars!
The winner is > Punk! Punk out with a male mannequin, wearing a Dynamic Dudes t-shirt, to the podium. It’s male and bottom-less! He says it’s an honor and wishes so many strange and odd people to thank, but like any good activist, he wants to inappropriately shed light on a cause. Day in and day out backstage there’s someone who doesn’t get recognition. This person should be in the spotlight Punk has. This person, like this mannequin, is boring, bland, 100% nondescript, lacking in human characteristics such as honor, pride, sorely lacking in intelligence and as we can see 100% anatomically correct. Join him in honoring a legend. This is a tribute to Laurinaitis!
The video starts with 80’s music! At first it was Laurinaitis now, then to the old stuff, including the skateboard! He was on mic and really bad! You have to see it to believe it! WOW! Under his face says Lifetime Achievement Award!
The fans are in shock! Punk says he can’t accept this award he’s in the back watching Point Break wishing he was Patrick Swayze. So he’s accepting on Laurinaitis’ behalf and says as Laurinaitis would, “You like me! You really like me!” in full on Laurinaitis voice!
Video promo for the Tribute To The Troops which is airing Tuesday at 8pm on USA.
Lita is announced and comes out in a sexy black dress! (Wow, she looks great!) She says it’s been a minute since she’d been out there. They cheer and she’s happy they remembered. She says she’s had an entire careerful of Divalicious moments, like winning the Women’s Championship in the main even on RAW, participated in TLC matches and met her all-time favorite person, Pee-Wee Herman. She’s out there to award the Divalicious Moment of The Year!
The nominees are > Natalya with her double sharpshooter, Kelly wins the Diva Title, Kharma’s appearance and laugh, Beth with her glam slam from the top on Eve.
The winner is > Kelly Kelly! Kelly out and looks really glamorous! Before she can talk out comes Beth and Natalya. Beth takes the Slammy and eats a bitch slap. Something flies off. Lita stands will Kelly and holds her arm high. A hug from Lita and they leave.
Cole talks about WWE 12 and how great it is. They show Henry facing Cena, as is the main event tonight.
Santino out to present the Slammy for OMG Moment of The Year! The Bellas in red join him. He talks about something that stops time and makes history. When they’re over all you can says is om-guh. The Bellas stop him in confusion about om-guh. As in Santino almost won the RR, OM-GUH! They explain that it’s OMG, Santino doesn’t get it. They call him an idiot. He says that maybe, but he’s not, how you say, money and fame grabbing couple of floozies that follow ADR around like a couple of escorts! They yell, “Oh my God!” Santino says that’s what OMG means!
The nominees > Trip tombstones Taker, Rock bottom on Cena, Superstars walk out on Trip, Punk takes the WWE Title.
The winner is Taker! Trip’s music and he comes out with sledge in hand. He takes a sip of water and spits it at the camera as he goes by, heading down the ramp. Another sip and up on the apron to spit some more! Off comes the leather jacket and he poses for the fans. Down and he picks up the sledge.
“Triple H!” chants. Cheers and more chants as he soaks it up. First of all, the OMG Moment was not what we saw. It was when the Match at WM was over that the OMG Moment took place. It’s when Taker couldn’t leave the ring under his own power. He was carried. Only one man walked out and that was Trip. Nine months later Taker is no more. The OMG Moment was at WM when the streak came to and end. Speaking of coming to an end, that brings him to Nash. He wants to see one more time what Nash has done. Video of Nash’s assault on Trip on the stage from behind, then backstage while Trip was strapped to a back board, both times with the sledge.
Trip smirks and said Nash should have finished the job because he’s back. Maybe their whole 16 year relationship was all lies and deception. Just two guys trying to claw their way to the top, nothing more. This Sunday it won’t matter. Right will be right. He will climb to the top of the ladder because he’s right. He will get that hammed because he’s right. He will bring that hammer down on Nash over and over and over again because he’s right! This Sunday all the lies and deception, all done. This Sunday he’ll show the world he’s right and Nash is simply done.
At the top of the ramp Santino holds the Slammy out to Trip. Tripp turns and talk to Santino, sledge in hand. Santino flees, Trip poses.
Otunga and Tony Atlas out to present Slammy for Trending Superstar of The Year! They’re out, Otunga’s cup in hand. Otunga talks, Atlas just laughs over him. Ortun talks about social media significance. This Slammy will go to whoever trends the most starting right now. Otunga says the big words are too much for Atlas? Atlas says no and keeps laughing. Otunga says these four will be in a Fatal Four Way Match tonight and… Otunga demands to know what’s so funny. Atlas says it’s Otunga and keeps laughing. Otunga drinks, Atlas laughs.
The nominees are > Cody Rhodes, Daniel Bryan, Dolph Ziggler and Zack Ryder!
Fatal Four Way Match – Zack Ryder vs Cody Rhodes vs Daniel Bryan vs Dolph Ziggler w/ Vickie
Ryder out to the ring first. Cody out next as Cole rips up Booker for getting involved with Cody and how Cody will destroy Booker on Sunday. Bryan out and Cole is ripping on him in a huge way too. Dolph out and Ryder isn’t impressed. Ryder glares through Dolph. Cole then abuses Ryder!
All four attack in the ring. Cody on Bryan, Dolph on Ryder. Ryder and Bryan are getting chants. Cody and Dolph out, the other two run the ropes by each other and fly out onto them!
Ryder and Bryan in the ring and lock up.. Side headlock on Bryan, then Bryan on Ryder in a corner. Ryder comes back with a kick to Bryan’s head for two. Bryan runs up a corner and flips over Ryder. They both go for a crossbody. Cody in and on Bryan for two, then on Ryder for two. Dolph in and they argue. They both go and stop the faces. Cody on Bryan, Dolph on Ryder. Ryder rolls out and Dolph nips up but over rotates and almost falls on his face. They both work on Bryan. Drop kick to the back of Bryan’s head. Dolph with a foot on Bryan’s chest for a pin and Cody gets in Dolph’s face. They push back and forth. Bryan grabs Cody and rolls him up, Dolph stops it.
Bryan rolls Cody up, Cody rolls by up, back and forth rolling pins between them until Dolph breaks it up. Bryan sent flying out and then Cody helps Dolph. Ryder sent flying out. Dolph rolls up Cody for two. Back and forth until an Alabama slam seemed to hurt Dolph and Cody got two. Dolph looking pained rolls out and Cody puts a hand in the air.
Figure four on Ryder, but he punches out. Cody rushes Ryder, but eats knees. Ryder about to kick Cody, Dolph clotheslines from the apron. Dolph in and stomping Ryder as Vickie screeches. Ryder up and rolls up Dolph for two. Bryan in and over the top on Ryder for two. Double clothesline on Ryder and Bryan as they clothesline Dolph! All three down, Cody still down. Cody bounces off the ropes, kicks Dolph in the head and pins Dolph. Bryan breaks it up. Bryan on Cody with serious kicks over and over on Cody in a corner, then a running dropkick in the corner. Bryan climbs, but Cody kits the ropes and Bryan falls up top. Dolph rushes Ryder, but Ryder moves and Dolph eats corner. Ryder climbs, Dolph with a blow on him. Superplex on Ryder from Dolph, then from the opposite corner a superplex on Bryan from Cody! Again, all four down. Vickie screeches at Dolph. A quiet chant of, “This is awesome!” starts up.
Cody and Dolph exchange blows. Ryder runs at Cody who elevates Ryder over his head for Ryder to hit a ruff Ryder on Dolph! Cross Rhodes on Ryder! Bryan with his labell lock on Cody. Dolph on Bryan with a sleeper. Bryan free, but Dolph hits a zig-zag on Bryan for three.
Winner – Dolph
Vickie is thrilled and into the ring to celebrate with Dolph. She gives him his belt and he poses in his excitement. King to the ring to announce the Slammy. The winner is > Ryder! Dolph is pissed and hits a zig-zag on Ryder before he barely grasp the Slammy! Dolph is all smiles and holds the Slammy high. Ryder is stunned on the mat while Cole yells at all of us, that it’s our fault for voting for Ryder. Dolph should have won and Ryder wouldn’t have been laid out in the ring. It’s all our fault. Dolph poses on the stage with his belt and the Slammy Award!
Christian out to present the Slammy for Game Changer of The Year! Christian is on crutches with a neck brace. He says he’d like to present an award that’s not on the ballot for this year for courageous moment of the year award to himself for showing up tonight through all his injuries. This award is for that one moment that changed the landscape of the WWE. He wants to know why he’s not nominated for this or Superstar of the year? He won two WHCs this year. As he looks at their stupid faces, he blames us all for not getting what he deserved, one more Match for the WHC!
The nominees > Trip and VKM for Trip taking over, Edge’s retirement, Nash in the WWE, Cena and Rocky.
The winner is Rocky challenges Cena! Cena out, cap comes out, smile to the camera, Christian leaves. He thanks everyone, gets a lot of heat, but smiles through it all. He says the Slammy isn’t on the shoulders of one man, it’s for a team. He’s not out taking full credit, so introduces the most electrifying man in all of entertainment Duayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson! Nope, he’s not there. But he said he’s never leaving… Get Brian, his assistant. Oh, he’s not there too. Cena doesn’t believe it, then does. He says there’s times Rocky can’t be there and sends messages via satellite. This is where they roll the beautiful satellite clip… There’s not even a clip? This is worse than JR’s rap! He’s apologizing for himself and for Team Bring It for not bringing it. That doesn’t make this moment less, it make it worth more because he’s having fun. He hopes it fuels his preparation and determination and commitment to the Rock to do what he does is puts boots to asses. In Miami the ‘Universe’ will get Cena at his best, hopefully the Rock at his best too as this is the biggest WM of all time. This Slammy for Game Changing Moment of The Year change the game for the year. But April first, Cena vs Rock will change the game forever!
WWE Slam of The Week – The contract signing from last RAW where Laurinaitis wanted a photo op. Punk called Laurinaitis and his contract signing boring. ADR ate the table, then Miz ate GTS and landed on ADR.
ADR & Miz vs Orton & CM Punk
ADR is announced by Ricardo and comes out in a black 1960 Rolls Royce Silver Cloud 2 Series with sliver top. King says he sees ADR driving a minivan. Cole plotzed over this. Miz comes out and they show video of Wade costing Orton the Match with Miz on last week’s RAW. Orton comes out to the ring slowly, looks at a ladder, then to the bottom of the ramp to wait for Punk. Punk out to the fans going wild. Orton into the ring, Punk follows suit. “CM Punk!” chants. Orton and Punk smirk at each other over their opponents.
Punk and Miz start, but Miz hides in the ropes. Punk takes Miz down and kicks him in the back. Miz is slammed, then Punk drops a leg. Miz slammed back and Orton tags in. Orton stomps around Orton, then drops a knee for two. Suplex from Orton, then pins for two. King starts talking about Andy Kaufman and how long he wore that neck brace. Miz is whipped, but then Orton eats an elbow. DDT to a kneeling Orton for two.
ADR tags in and stomps Orton. ADR distracts and Miz attacks to choke Orton outside. While Cole loves Miz so much, he thinks ADR should be Superstars of The Year, then goes on to explain why he thinks this. I mentally tune him out. Low drop kick to the back of Orton’s head for two. ADR holds Orton and tags in Miz. Miz on Orton. Orton with a cheap blow, then blows on Miz, but Miz back and beats Orton down in the heel corner. Orton dragged from the corner and pinned for two. Chinlock on Orton in the center of the ring. Orton to his feet, then back to a knee. “RKO!” chants. Orton slams Miz back to the mat and they’re both down. Cole is screechy.
Both tag out. Punk on ADR with clotheslines, then a cheap shot to Miz and more clotheslines! Swinging neck breaker on ADR for two. Big knee to ADR in a corner. Running bulldog on ADR for two. Punk calls for nap time! ADR up, then down. ADR distracts the ref as Miz hangs Orton up backward up top. ADR kicks a Punk who is down.
Chinlock on Punk by Miz. Punk punches out, then backslide on Miz, but Miz free and hits Punk with a huge clothesline for two. Miz tags out and ADR kicks a Punk who is being held by Miz. Arm hold on Punk on the mat. Punk to his feet, head butts to ADR, then an arm drag on ADR. Neck breaker on ADR and both are down.
Miz tags in and keeps Punk from tagging out. Miz stomps on Punk, then a knee to Punk’s back, then face, then a leg drop. Miz calls for heat, then misses kicking Punk in the face. Punk pins Miz for two, then another hit to the back of Punk’s head. ADR tags in and kicks Punk in the ribs. Arm stabber from ADR on Punk for two. Punk slammed into the heel corner, then kicked in the ribs. Miz tags in, taunts Orton, then a big clothesline in the corner on Punk. Miz pins for two. Miz taunts Punk, then kicks Punk in the jaw. Miz sets up, but can’t finish. Punk gets Miz up, but can’t finish. Miz tries for his back breaker into neck breaker, but only half way through Punk is free and kicks Miz in the head. Both down.
Punk almost tags out, but ADR in illegally and grabs Punk to keep him from tagging out. Wade through the crowd and attacks Orton by pulling his feet off the apron. Wade flees through the crowd. Miz rushes Punk in a corner, but Punk moves and Miz takes the corner full on. Miz up for the GTS, but he wiggles out. Miz hits his SCF on Punk for three.
Winners – Miz & ADR
Orton to his feet seething. He takes off through the crowd. Video of the attack on Orton. Ricardo sends a ladder into the ring. Miz and ADR run the side of the ladder into Punk’s gut, then they drop it on Punk’s back. Miz holds the ladder on Punk as ADR runs and lands on it with both feet. Miz calls for a mic. ADR locks on his cross arm breaker through the ladder! Miz asks about it hurting. Miz says Punk’s aggressive, but they’re not taking him out. They’ll leave enough for TLC. One of them will take the strap from Punk. They want Punk watch this for the next six days when Punk’s pipe bomb blows up in Punk’s face. Miz taunts Punk who’s trying to kick out at Miz. Miz then drops the pipe bomb next to Punk who is left cradling his arm to his chest.
Cole talks about his iPad and voting for Superstar of the year. Cole says HBK is online interacting right now.
Another Kane video.
Video for the coming WWE Network!
Cole and King talk about how interactive the new Network will be.
Vickie out to announce the Slammy for WWE A-Lister of The Year! Goldust out to announce with her. She’s not impressed. Dust says Vickie is a winner tonight. She’s all excited and asks for what. Dust says for wearing more makeup than him! She screeches at him for this.
The nominees > Huge Jackman, The Muppets, Snooki, Cee-Lo Green.
Vickie isn’t impressed, Dust announces that the winner is Snooki! Vickie says it figures that Snooki couldn’t be there, but left a massage. Snooki on the tron thanks everyone, the fans, the WWE ‘Universe’. She didn’t know what to expect at WM. She pushes her show, tells VKM that she loves him and pushes Ryder for this Sunday at TLC. Woo woo woo, you know it! Vickie and Dust are still on stage arguing.
King says Vickie should be happy that Snooki proved her athleticism at WM. They throw it to Josh backstage.
Josh is with Henry. Josh asks about having to face Cena tonight only six days before having to face Big Show in a Chairs Match at TLC? Henry says Big Show aint seen nothing yet. The Title isn’t going anywhere. Cena disrespected him, Cena shouldn’t be worried about WM, but about tonight and being inducted into the HOP!
Sheamus vs Jinder Mahal
Sheamus out to the ring all smiles. Jinder out ranting in his native tongue. He says the Great White will play a supporting role in Jinder’s Slammy winning performance. Jinder in and eats a brogue kick and it was over. No bells were rung and it was all over.
Winner – N/A
Sheamus leaves the ring and poses on the stage as the ref tends to Jinder.
Rey out to present the Slammy Award for Superstar of The Year! Rey is all excited and appears to be wearing peach lipstick! “619!” chants. He says this award is the greatest honor for any WWE Superstar because the WWE ‘Universe’ decides who wins. Performing for the fans is the greatest honor.
The nominees > Randy Orton, The Miz, CM Punk, ADR, Mark Henry, John Cena.
The winner is CM Punk!Punk’s music, but then Laurinaitis comes out. Laurinaitis shapes Rey’s hand and pushes him aside. Laurinaitis announces himself and says Punk will defend the WWE Title in a Triple Threat TLC Match this Sunday, but right now he’s in no condition to accept this award, so on behalf of Punk, he humbly accepts it for him.
Backstage Henry is panting as he’s heading for the ring. Henry is cut into by one of those mysterious videos. On the 2nd say of 2012 it will be the end of the world as we know it.
King and Cole talk about Tribute To The Troops. King talks about a soldier, Jennifer Ganteemy (sp?) who rushed up to VKM and she hugged him close. She had a flip phone with a picture of her son with a WWE belt, but they have a surprise for her now. They show Jennifer’s husband and 15 y/o son in the front row saying hello to her.
Henry vs Cena
Henry to the ring. Video of Cena helping Ryder beat Henry in a No DQ Match so that Ryder could get a Title shot against Dolph at TLC. Cena gave up his own Title shot for Ryder to get that shot and wasn’t going to let it go to waste. Cena out to huge pop! No, sorry, that’s Cena’s music with the fake cheers.
They lock up, Cena tossed back hard. Cena looks up at Henry in awe.
Henry splashes Cena in a corner. Cena flops to the mat, but Henry only got two. Henry tries to splash Cena on the mat, but Cena moves. Cena leapfrogs over Henry. Cena picks Henry up but falls back and Henry gets two. Henry twists Cena’s head to the side. Cena tries to power out, but can’t do it. Cena to his knees, then feet. Cena pries on hand off, then free and slams Henry back. Cena looks down at Henry in awe. Cena calls for the 5 knuckle shuffle and hits it. Henry to his feet and Cena picks Henry up but crumbles beneath Henry. Henry pins Cena for two.
A kick, then head butt to Cena in a corner. Henry chokes Cena with a foot in a corner. Henry easily picks Cena up, but Cena wiggles free. Blows on Henry, but the shoulder block gets Cena nowhere. Cena tries again but gets caught in a bear hug. Dueling chants for Cena fill the arena. Cena gets free, but then caught and eats a world’s strongest slam, but can’t do anything about it.
FIRE! KANE comes out in a scary welding type black mask, long wavy hair flowing! Henry leaves the ring. Kane into the ring, Henry watches from outside. Cena to his feet and kind of staggers into Kane. A huge chokeslam on Cena, then Kane stands over Cena and calls for his fire from the four corners. Kane slowly reaches up to remove the big mask to reveal a totally new mask and as the lights are read I can’t see what color it really is, but it is great. The camera close up on Kane’s face and he seems to have that scary Kane thing back in his face, in his eyes!
Biggest reaction of the night