RAW this week starts with a video from The Three Stoogest. King and Cole are talking them up over the video.
In Ring Segment
Laurinaitis and Otunga out to the ring to new music. Laurinaitis wants to introduce the new face of the WWE. He’s not about catchphrases and not here for the fans. He’s a Champion of Champions. He calls up video, it’s of Cena talking last week with WrestleMania stills. He invited Rocky to the ring, but it was Brock who came out. Brock told Cena to shake his hand, but then cane ate the F5. Laurinaitis introduces Brock, who will face Cena at Extreme Rules and bring legitimacy to the WWE!
Brock comes out with a slight smile on his face, then out to the ring, but no pyro. Brock double footed jump onto the apron like it was nothing, then into the ring. Shakes hand with Laurinaitis, then takes the mic. Mixed reaction for Brock. He thanks Laurinaitis – gets him heat – for having the wisdom to bring legitimacy back to the WWE.
Cena’s music hits and out he comes. I think I heard a bit of cheering, but not sure. Cena half salutes Brock in the ring, very tongue in cheek, before heading to the ring. Cena on the apron with a grin on his face. Cena finally steps in, but no, he is getting much heat. A woman in the second row has a sign that says, “I love Cena more than my husband” Of course the ‘love’ is a heart. Then a few rows back a guy has a sign with an arrow pointing down to himself and it says, “Anti Cena fan”
Cena stands in a corner and just listens, hat off. Cena, off mic, says, “I never got to thank you for last week.” Cena slaps Brock across the face. Brock tackles Cena and on him with blows. Refs to the ring and on them. Then the locker room clear and they’re pulled apart. They get split up. Then Brock gets free and on Cena. Then they’re broken up. Cena has blood all over his mouth, on his lips. Cena even holds up his hand covered in blood. Cena then breaks free and attacks Brock. Mark Henry, Riley, McGillicutty, Yoshi, Sheamus, Ryder are all holding Brock back. Riley is backed into a corner, holding Brock from behind, Henry in front of Brock. Swagger, R-Truth, Kofi, ADR, D-Bry, Dolph, Hawkins are all over with Cena. I even saw Reks out there early on. The ring is not divided by loyalties. Brock gets free and attacks Cena. The wrestlers pin Cena to the mat while others drag Brock out under the ropes. D-Bry, Regal and Sheamus are all out with Brock, as well as a number of suits.
In the ring Cena is smirking and all bloody and smiling to the fans and the camera. To someone off to Cena’s right Cena points to his mouth and says, “How am I lookin’? A’right?”
Henry, Regal and Sheamus are semi-escorting Brock from the area. Brock shrugs off any touches.
Recap of the fight between Brock and Cena.
Laurinaitis is screaming at Long, saying the fight in the ring was all his fault. He was supposed to keep Cena contained and didn’t. Laurinaitis told Long to get an answer from Cena about why that happened. Long leaves an Laurinaitis commiserates with Otunga about what happened in the ring. Eve comes in and wants to talk to Laurinaitis. He suggests a one on one in Stamford. She likes the one on one thing, but tells him to call her. Her inuendos go right over his head.
Funkasaurus & Santino vs Dolph & Swagger w/ Vickie
Clay out in red with his dancers, then Santino comes out behind Clay, dancing the whole way. Video of Santino defeating Swagger and Dolph last week, then hid behind Clay when they rushed him. Vickie came out and announced her boys as the greatest tag team in the universe. Out come Dolph and Swagger.
Santino in to start with Dolph. Santino and Dolph start slowly, Dolph gets two quick pin attempts, but then Santino with an arm drag into an arm bar. Both tag out. Swagger with blows, but easily blocked. Clothesline, then an arm to the gut and a knee. Clay grabs Swagger, but elbows to the back of Clay’s head. Swagger ducks a clothesline, then tries to spear Clay’s left knee, but Clay sells the move before Swagger even touches him and the camera was in close to catch the fact that Swagger didn’t touch Clay’s knee. He might have grazed the leg a tiny bit, but it pet my dog harder than Swagger hit Clay’s leg and it looked bad. Shoulder block to a kneeling Clay. Swagger pins for two.
Dolph has Santino on the mat, then drops an elbow for two. Dolph drags Santino to the heel corner and tags out. Swagger on Santino with his arms wrenched back, knee in the center of his back. Swagger changes it into a double chicken wing. Santino free and tries to dive to Clay, but Swagger catches him, then slams Santino to the mat for two. Cole talks about Swagger’s nifty hairdo. Dolph tags in and talks trash to Clay. Santino rolls Dolph up for two. Dolph comes back with a clothesline for two. King gives Dolph credit for backing it up. Chants for “Funkasaurus!” Chinlock on Santino. Santino to his feet and free of the hold. Finally Santino tags out.
Clay in with a clothesline, then another and a headbutt. Dolph slammed to the mat, then splashed for three.
Winners – Santino & Funkasaurus
The girls in to dance as Dolph is rolled from the ring. Santino trombones in the ring, then they all dance. Santino seems to have thrown Funkasaurus’ routine off.
Miz in talking to Laurinaitis, says he believes in Laurinaitis. Laurinaitis says he believes in Miz, but he’s busy. Can they talk next week. Long in and berated by Laurinaitis, demanding to know where Cena in. Cena comes in with a huge smile, his lips all torn up, no shirt, and puts an arm around Laurinaitis’ shoulder! Cena says legitimacy. That’s what Laurinaitis wants? He doesn’t want an actor who’s afraid to be punched in the face, mess up his money maker? That guy just left. Cena likes to hit and be hit. He had to get Brock to put Cena out of business? Cena’s just getting started. Laurinaitis sees blood and gets scared and gives him the night off? He wants to compete. How’s that for legitimacy? Laurinaitis tells Long to tell Otunga that he’s facing Cena. Laurinaitis then demands Long look at Laurinaitis when Laurinaitis is talking to him.
Santino walking along comes up to Hawkins and Reks! He asks if they have seen The Three Stooges? They don’t care. Then onto other guys. He says they’re huge in Italy.
Henry beating up on Punk last week. Henry gets his rematch tonight and the Title is on the line.
Recap of Cena attacking Brock, Cena was busted open.
Santino walking around looking for The Three Stooges. He comes across Kane and makes some hand motions and noises, then power walks away quickly.
R-Truth vs Cody Rhodes
R-Truth comes out with Little Jimmy in tow – invisibly, of course. Cody out to the ring in his new sleeveless coat.
Side headlock on Cody. Pushes off and into a shoulder block to Cody. Clothesline to Cody, then an upper cut. R-Truth telegraphs and eats an upper cut. Alabama slam to R-Truth, but then Big Show out in a suit and tells Cody to look at the tron. Video of last week when Big Show distracted Cody, then that video and Kofi defeating Cody in the process. Cody grabbed R-Truth, but eats a Little Jimmy and is pinned for three.
Winner – R-Truth
Big Show is all smiles on stage as Cody looks like he’s about to cry.
He finds a box that says fragile, he thinks it’s a package from his mother. Crowbar and out comes the Stooges, and not Briscoe and Patterson. They recognizes Santino. They were shipped up in the box. Santino asks what they have planned for the fans, but they all abuse each other, then Santino slaps them. Larry wants to take the Divas out to dinner. Moe wants to learn the cobra, but turns it into the moebra. More abused and they all think about what to do, as they stand in the crate. Moe says they have to think outside of the box, so they take off.
Cena on Dream Machines. They are sitting in the front row.
Lord Tensai w/ Sakamoto vs Yoshi Tatsu
Tensai and Sakamoto to the ring. Yoshi is in the ring. I guess Yoshi has been talking smack about Tensai on Twitter this week, stating he’s not Japanese, will go all out tonight, and other things. King goes on to say that Tensai doesn’t claim to be Japanese, claimed to dominate the Japanese. Yoshi is glaring at Tensai.
Chops to Yoshi’s neck, then slams him to the mat. Yoshi comes back with a chop, then slammed to the mat. Headbutts to Yoshi in a corner. Tensai gets Yoshi up vertically, then slams him. Back splash on Yoshi. “Albert!” chants. Tensai splashes Yoshi in a corner, then back elbows in the corner. Sit down powerbomb on Yoshi and the ref calls it.
Winner – Tensai
The fans are barely making a noise, nothing when Tensai was announced the winner. Tensai spits that mist into his hand, then the claw on Yoshi’s head. Still, little to no reaction from the fans. Video recap of the high, yet still sloppy points of the match. Tensai glares at the fans on his way from the ring, but only gets a reaction from about ten guys.
Jericho on Punk with that Jack Daniels bottle.
King says there’s 30 wounded warriors there as guest of the WWE. Cole talks about Punk’s mental state being a mess after what Jericho did to him last week. Video of Jericho pouring “Jack Daniels” all over Punk. More verbal attacks, then Jericho hits Punk over his head with a “Jack Daniels” bottle.
In Ring Segment
Punk out to the ring, no posing on the stage, but straight to the ring. He grabs the mic out of Justin’s hand, just glaring around. Punk squats in the ring and thinks. Punk grunts, stands, then break the silence that’s surrounded him this past week. He knows it’s a concept that not everyone gets. Just one drink, what’s the big deal. It’s a choice he made. It’s not a choice he made to be cool or trendy. It’s a choice he made that it’s a way of life. He’s proud to be straight edge. He’s held the reasons close to the vest for a couple reasons. First off, he doesn’t think it’s anyone’s business. Number two, who cares why he’s straight edge. He never wanted anyone to feel sorry or make excuses. He told himself way back that he was going to make it to the top of the WWE. That if he made it, it’s because he’s the best damn wrestler in the world! “CM Punk!” chants. Along comes Jericho. He comes back and tries to get in his head by saying he’s the best wrestler in the world. That didn’t work, so he talks about his father, his sweet little sister, defrocks his mother and says he’s a bastard. At WrestleMania when Jericho’s plans, all the things he did to get under his skin, he beat Jericho. No, he made Jericho tap out! Jericho takes it one step further, one step beyond. One step too far. It was last week and right out there. He pours whiskey all over his body and breaks a bottle over the back of his head. As he lay there, in and out of consciousness, he doesn’t worry if he’s hurt, if he can go on that tour, there’s one thought in his head. “That thought was, was, I smell exactly like my father did.” At this point Punk leans on the top rope, puts his head down on his fist, like The Thinker, being quite mellow dramatic. “CM Punk!” That smell would punch him in the face when his father came home, or would pick him up from little league.
Jericho cuts Punk off, he’s on the tron. Jericho asks what the matter is. He looks a bit green around the gills. Is he hung over? It’s hard to get that taste out of his mouth, but he will get used to it. Punk might be upset with Jericho for pushing him. Wait, is Punk tipsy? Is he on his first bender? Punk tries to stop him, but Jericho says the first step is to admit his life is unmanageable. The wannabes don’t see a Champion, the best in the world, they see a loser. When Jericho pushed Punk to have that first drink, he pushed him for the first time to be CM Drunk!
Punk to his knees in the ring, looking at the belt. Punk says Jericho broke a bottle, but not Punk. But Jericho’s failure is that he didn’t break Punk. He’s going to use all those bad thoughts and memories, coming after Jericho from that bad place. It’s no longer about Punk being the best in the world, it’s about kicking Jericho’s ass!
WWE Championship Match – CM Punk (C) vs Mark Henry
Henry down to the ring.
Punk runs at Henry as soon as the bell is rung. On Henry with blows, knees, kicks, then tries a clothesline. The second try is when Henry counters with his own clothesline. Punk from the ring, down at announce. Henry comes out to the ring and Punk grabs a monitor off announce. He hits Henry with the monitor, then slams the bottom of the monitor down on Henry’s head. (Stacy tells me that the worst side, other than the back, to hit someone with is the bottom because there’s short screws protruding from that side.) Punk climbs the stairs, still holding the monitor, then onto the apron as he looks down at Henry with a really pissed look on his face. Punk is about to throw the monitor down on Henry’s head, but then Jericho’s music hits. Punk turns and looks. Jericho comes out with a 12 pack in each hand. Henry grabs Punk form the apron, then slams him back first to the apron. Into the ring and Henry slams Punk to the mat, then again! Henry glares down at Punk, then leaves the ring.
Jericho is in black leather pants and a different leather jacket. It’s blinged out with studs and gold. Jericho is about to pour beer on Punk, but Punk up and attacks Jericho. A code breaker on Punk, then off comes the jacket. Jericho, off mic, tells Punk he’s stupid. Jericho pours a beer on Punk. Jericho has troubles popping a beer open and keeps pouring beer on Punk while telling Punk that it’s all for him. “Drink it all in Punk, drink it all in you stupid son of a BLEEP! Just like your father Punk, drink it all in.” A couple of refs in, trying to get Jericho to leave Punk alone. Jericho keeps yelling at Punk to have some more. Punk pulls himself to his feet, then turns right into another code breaker. Jericho from the ring and grabs the belt. Jericho poses ringside with the belt.
Be A Star promo with actors and wrestlers.
Ryder vs Alberto Del Rio w/ Ricardo
Ryder out to the ring, all smiles and goofy. Ricardo announces ADR who comes out in a black 2011 Mercedes SLS AMG. ADR is wearing his newest t-shirt. Video of Sheamus losing against ADR due to Sheamus picking up the chair ADR brought into the ring. Ricardo announced ADR as the winner, Sheamus lost it and hit the ref with a brogue kick. Cole says people online are calling for Sheamus to be fired for attacking a ref.
ADR on Ryder with kicks, then blows on the mat. Kick to Ryder for two. Snap mare on Ryder, then drop kick to the side of Ryder’s head for two. ADR on Ryder in a corner, then back with a kick to the side of his body. ADR again back on Ryder in a corner as the ref yells at him. ADR backs off, then rushes Ryder and eats feet. Ryder hits his broski kick, but then ends up eating the corner. Cross arm breaker on Ryder who taps out.
Winner – ADR
Ricardo announces ADR the winner. Recap of the high points of this short match. ADR wipes his face on one of Ryder’s wrist bands.
The Three Stooges are trying to figure out what to do. More slapping and sound effects. They’re heading for the ring. Yay.
In Ring Segment
Justin announces The Three Stooges, Moe, Larry and Curly. But it’s only Moe and Larry. The fans are less than impressed. Hogan’s music plays and some of the fans really think it’s Hogan at first, but out comes Curly dressed as a rather fat Hogan with tons of bronzer or spray tan – obviously he has padding on under the shirts. Out, onto the apron and points into the ring at Moe and Larry. Into the ring and he rips off a red Hogan shirt to reveal a yellow Hogan shirt, and his padding layer which is black. Moe and Larry are confused. Curly says these are his people, the WWE ‘Universe’! He breaks into Hogan-speak and promotes their movie. The fans are not impressed at all, even though Moe and Larry say they’re loving it. He sounds decent, but the fans are dead quiet, except the few who are booing.
Fire erupts and out comes a really pissed off Kane. King talks about how Kane lost to Orton on Smackdown last week. He comes down and gets in the ring. He calls fire from all four corners while the three of them cower. Moe and Larry flee. Curly points at Kane, and the fans yell “You!” for him, but only a few. Kane chokeslams Curly, the fans like this, then he leaves.
Josh asks Henry if he has an explanation for this – shows video of Punk’s attack on Henry with the monitor, then Henry’s attack on Punk after Jericho’s music hit, then the two slams in the ring. Henry says he does, last week he beat Punk by count out. This week he beat Punk by DQ. By talking to Laurinaitis, next week, no DQ, no countout. Next week we be looking at the new World Heavyweight Champion (yes, Henry said World Heavyweight Championship, but he meant WWE Champion.)
King says Josh will have an interview with Brock. Video recap of what happened between Cena and Brock to start the show. They have shown Brock’s first big right punch being the one that bloodied Cena’s mouth.
Josh asks if Brock is proud to be back in the WWE?
Proud? He’s proud of everything he does and wants to tell Josh a little story. Eight years ago he left the WWE. He was WWE Champion, took this company to height it had never seen before. Left the company, went to the UFC, became the UFC Heavyweight Champion of The World. Their success was on his blood, sweat and tears. Damn right he’s proud. He’s proud Johnny Laurinaitis had enough wisdom to bring him back and put him at the top, exactly where he belongs. A guy like John Cena thinks he’s at the top, he couldn’t hold Brock’s jockstrap in a million years. He just proved that. He knocked his pretty little mouth on his pretty little face (sic). He’s not there to make any friends. He’s a war machine, an ass kicker and a proud one at that. But he’s not as proud as the WWE suits and ties and all the fans are to have him back. Brock winks at Josh to end the interview.
Cole and King talk about Brock, then go on to talk about Taker versus Trip at WrestleMania. The video starts with Cena talking about the match. Then Orton talking it up, Cody being at the edge of his seat. Regal said everyone knew it would be an important match, meant everything to them. Miz still hears the chair shots in his ears. Big Show says neither wanted to give up. Miz felt the emotion of HBK being with his best friend, but calling it down the middle. The superkick, HBK counts, D-Bry says he knew that was it, but he kicked out. Cody says only Taker could have kicked out. Big Show says the look on HBK’s face, he tried to screw the devil and got caught. Henry says there’s never been anyone like Taker. Regal says there’s never going to be anyone like him. Big Show says this match stole the show. Regal says there was the moment, on stage, that that was it.
Otunga w/ Laurinaitis vs Cena
Otunga out with his little cape, then he throws it off to pose. The two of them head for the ring.
Otunga I still in the ring posing. The camera showed the wounded soldiers that there as the guests of Cena and the WWE. Cena out to the ring ring, his mouth looking a little worse for wear, but actually seems to have the fans behind him a bit more than usual.
Cena yells out of the ring, over to Laurinaitis and tells him to get off his phone. Arm bar on Cena as the dueling chants for Cena start. Cena gets free and they regroup. They lock up, side headlock on Otunga, then Otunga slammed back and the dueling chants – women and children against the men, very obviously – for Cena. Cena is smiling at this. Kick to Cena’s gut,t hen Otunga stomps Cena down in a corner. Cena comes out with a kick and blows on Otunga. Otunga whipped, but he moves and Cena splashes the corner. Otunga immediately pins Cena for two. Otunga uses the rope for height and drops an elbow, then does it again, showing a little skill. Blows to Cena’s gut, the ref makes Otunga back off.
A punch form Otunga that Cena terribly over sells by whipping his head back, then slamming himself to the mat. Otunga on Cena with a clothesline. Otunga uses this time to pose. Another big and over-sold blow to Cena. Cena whipped, then clotheslined in the corner. Clothesline to Cena for two. Chinlock on Cena who’s mouth is again busted open and blood is sliding down his bottom lip as the fans start a “Fruity Pebbles” chant.
King comments that Laurinaitis will love that Cena is again busted open. Some blows on Cena, then Otunga poses, and poses, and poses. Cena up and on Otunga with blows. Shoulder blocks, then back slam. 5 knuckle shuffle, the shoulder brushing move is done over and over directly at Laurinaitis, staring at Laurinaitis. An AA on Otunga while staring at Laurinaitis. To add insult to injury, Cena locks on the STF and makes Otunga tap out.
Winner – Cena
Laurinaitis looks pissed as Cena’s hand is raised, but then Brock in behind Cena and kicks him in the slats. Cena sells the low blow, but it looked like it was all to the thigh. Brock laughs at what he did. Video recap of Brock attacking Cena from behind. Then back to the ring and Cena is getting up. Brock gets Cena up and hits the F5 again. Brock stands over Cena smiling, Laurinaitis is ringside smiling. Video recap of Brock attacking Cena from behind, then the F5, again. Brock is all smiles as he circles Cena. Brock looks down at Cena once more, then leaves the ring. Laurinaitis is standing by announce, nodding. On stage Brock looks back at Cena in the ring.
Cena fighting Brock
The Three Stooges!