RAW this week starts with video of Bryan talking about Punk and Kane being weak over AJ. Then video of crazy chick AJ and all her antics of the past couple weeks – including jumping on Kane, getting carried away by him, but looking at Punk, and all her crazy looks.
AJ says she has something to say to each of them. The camera stays on AJ as she tells Bryan that in order to grow as people, they have to grow apart. Kane, when she sees him, she loses all her inhibitions and wants to get wild. They both know that he's not a man, he's a monster. "Crazy chick!" chants can be heard from the fans. Punk, she likes to think of them as soul mates. But she doesn't think that he thinks what she thinks he's thinking. In other words, she thinks it's best (the camera start panning around AJ), if they all go their separate ways. The camera around behind shows that AJ is talking to a three way mirror.
King and Cole welcome the fans, then announce that Big Show will face Clay later. Cole then talks about Cena's Tweet about his big announcement.
EXCUSE ME! EXCUSE ME! EXCUSE ME! Vickie says that this week the Board of Directors has decided to make her Interim GM (I thought they decided that last week, before she announced it on Smackdown, and earlier than that when she spoiled it online). EXCUSE ME! Considering her track record and longevity, she will be named the full time GM of RAW and Smackdown. She's decided to bring us a great show. The first match is a Three Way Elimination Match.
Three Way Elimination Match – Bryan vs Kane vs Punk
Bryan out to the ring, then starts the "YES!" chant in the ring. Fire erupts and out comes Kane who calls fire from all four corners. King acts totally shocked when Punk's music hits. Cole says capacity crowd on their feet for Punk. Cole tells the fans to Tweet who we want to see AJ with, and gives us specific hash tags for it. #AJPUNK #AJKANE #AJBRYAN or #AJALL if we want to see AJ with all three of the guys. King says that maybe after what AJ said earlier, there should be a #AJNONEOFTHEABOVE.
Punk on Kane with blows, but pushed down. Bryan does the same. Punk into a back elbow from Kane. Bryan on Kane with kicks and blows. Punk attacks the same way. Both get Kane on the mat until Kane to the apron and Bryan rolls Punk up for two. Punk grabs Bryan in a side headlock, calls the moves into the top of his head, then shoulder block. Inverted atomic drop on Bryan. Punk sets up for a move. The camera shows AJ watching backstage. Punk gets two, but then Kane with a blow on Punk from outside. Bryan flies out onto Kane, but Kane catches him and slams Bryan.
Blows on Punk from Kane in a corner. Punk is whipped into Bryan and Kane back splashes them both. Kane climbs, but Bryan up and on Kane. Bryan climbs and sets up, but Punk up and on Bryan with blows. Punk grabs Bryan, sets Kane up, but Bryan rolls Punk up as Kane crashes to the mat. Punk and Bryan suplex Kane. Punk on Bryan with chops, then blows, but fights back, but a back kick from Punk. A heel kick to Bryan, but then sends Bryan into Kane's blow, then lowers the rope for Kane to got out. Bryan gets elevated by Punk, and over the top to land on Kane. Punk with a suicide dive on both Bryan and Kane.
Back in the ring Punk tries to fly off the top rope. Bryan tries to lock on an "YES!" lock, but can't and is sent into Kane on the apron. Punk pins Bryan, but he gets a foot on the ropes. Punk calls for GTS, but Kane in with a big boot to Punk for a long two. Punk whipped, comes out into a side slam from Kane for two. King says he was not thrilled when Vickie earlier announced that she was going to be GM, but this match is pretty good (again, we knew this last week, where was King? Or is VKM in his ear trying to change history again?).
Kane off the top onto Punk who is now down. AJ's music and she comes out skipping around the ring, but not dressed like Kane, but in the black and red tops from the outfit. Kane is lifted and Punk hits a horrible GTS on Kane and gets the three.
Bryan in with a kick to Punk's head for the three.
Winner – Bryan (10:11)
Bryan celebrates in the ring and to the stage, all the while yelling "YES!" "YES!" "YES!"
Vickie watching the match, then ADR in with Ricardo in tow. ADR is all sweet at Vickie. Ricardo has roses, but not the vase, so he scurries off. ADR says he's #1 contender. Ziggler in and says he is #1 contender, so get in line. They argue. She's decided on a Contract On A Pole Match. Ricardo brings in the vase of flowers. Ziggler asks if they're for him. ADR says they're for Vickie, so Ziggler slams them into the wall. ADR and Ziggler leave and Ricardo talks to Vickie about how beautiful the flowers were.
The big fight between Big Show and Clay where Big Show left destruction, but this was all focused on Clay's beating.
Funkasaurus vs Big Show
Clay out in white with green sparkles, his girls in sparkly green. They dance and pose together in the ring. Big Show's music and he stomps out to the ring looking pissy. He rips his shirt off.
Big Show on Clay with blows, but before he could shush the crowd, Clay on Big Show with blows. Big head butt to Big Show, but then Big Show kicks at Clay's knee from the mat. Elbow drops on Clay's left knee.bgs about stands on Clay's knee, but uses the ropes. Big Show uses the post to further injure Clay's knee. Big Show up to the second ropes (has troubles climbing), then BADLY splashes Clay (didn't look at all believable). Big Show sets up for his WMD, but then Clay fights back with head butts. Clay tries to pick up Big Show, but his knee buckles and Clay falls back to the mat. Big Show stays there and gets the three from it.
Winner – Big Show (2:36)
Big Show up to the ramp and looks back down at the ring. The ref, Funkasaurus' girls and the trainer in to check on Clay.
Showing Cena granting his 300th wish last Monday. Cena talks about it being his 300th wish that he granted. They were on GMA and Cena is bringing the boy back to the 1,000th RAW. He talks about how much it means to him.
Memorable Moments on RAW, Bob Barker. Video of him on the show, and Barker talking about how much fun it was to be on the show. Jericho got up in Barker's face. He says his trash talking came from fear of his life being in danger. And when it comes to Chavo, he'll give him a rematch on the 2,000th RAW.
King and Cole talk about what happened during the commercial. They show video of Clay being helped out of the ringside area, then this – Big Show punching Clay out with his WMD. King and Cole talk about what went down with Triple H, Brock and Heyman – Trip asking for a match during NWO. Heyman came out on RAW last week and said a match at SummerSlam won't happen. Then Heyman said if Trip hits Heyman, then he and Brock will own the WWE. Heyman brought up having something for Steph and Trip grabbed him. Trip let go and Heyman acted the big man, but was then punched out. Trip told Heyman to tell Brock that he'll see Brock at SummerSlam. Earlier today Heyman called and said Brock will have an answer for Trip next week.
AJ says she's glad he's there. Kane says he's not one with his feelings, but she makes him feel things he hasn't felt before. She thinks this is great, but Kane says he's not exactly boyfriend material. AJ says that's okay, their relationship is unconventional. "I don't do relationships," says Kane. Besides, there's another issue. He says he's a monster, he wears a mask. His only source of entertainment in eviscerating people. Even he finds her mentally unstable. He thinks it's best, for AJ's own good, that they stay away from each other. "Goodbye AJ," says Kane before walking off. AJ looks shocked, then confused, then she starts to shake, then cry! But mid-shake, her crying turns to laughter.
Did You Know?
If you were to watch every episode of RAW back to back non-stop for 24 hours a day – it would take you over 75 days to watch them all.
Swagger vs Santino
Swagger is in the ring and Cole calls him floundering and how he needs a victory here on RAW. Santino's music hits. Lilian announces Santino, but then Cole re-pronounces where Santino is from (did Lilian make another mistake?).
Swagger stops Santino, but then punches out Santino. Santino into a corner, blows from Swagger. Swagger calls for love and gets blows of his own. Santino then chases Swagger, but then Swagger hits in the ropes and kicks back at Santino. Swagger slams Santino for two. Swagger drops a leg on Santino, then wrenches Santino's arms back on the mat. Santino up and slams Swagger back to the mat. Santino nips up and blows on Swagger. Hip tosses to Swagger, then out comes the cobra. Swagger grabs Santino, but Santino counters with a DDT and set up the cobra. Swagger eats the cobra for three.
Winner – Santino (2:40)
Santino celebrates in the ring and up the ramp. King says there will be a Divas Summertime Beach Battle Royal.
Cena is heading for the ring and sees a box that says 'free to a good home' Cena pulls the first thing out of the top and it's a People Power t-shirt. Ryder comes along, takes the shirt and throws it in the trash. They silently give each other props, then Cena continues to the ring.
In Ring Segment
Cena out to the ring. The fans are wild, good and bad, but wild! Cena says earlier he put out a Tweet that said #meep-moop, then he sent out a more relevant Tweet saying that he had an historical announcement. The reason for it is it that the WWE has been turned upside-down this past month. It's been like a bad episode of Star Wars. He wants to enlighten us.
Cena takes a deep breath and says – A short time ago, in a WWE 'Universe' not so far away, the evil Emperor John Laurinaitis, convinced the world's largest Jedi to join the Dark Side and become Show Vader! Show Vader then used his new found anger to wage war against a younger, and more handsome Jedi John Cena-Walker. The two did battle, in epic fight so big it had to be contained in a 15 foot high Death Star! With the evil Emperor ringside, but not to be outdone, and to make sure the match was fair, the decrepit, old, dust covered Yoda McMahon sat next to him. The entire galaxy was involved: Jabba The Funkasaurus, Han Sol Bro, Brobacca The Woo Woo Wookie, hell even R2A-Ry and Santi3PO were there. At one point the battle was so vicious Show Vader had Cena-Walker in a corner and breathing heavy as he so often does, said 'I'm your father' And to be quite honest that creeped him out as he knows his dad, and his dad's no Show! So he climbed out of the Death Star as fast as he could using a maneuver that was easier than bagging womp rats back in Beggar's Canyon, and when he hit the ancient, old Jedi, Yodi McMahon leaped out of his chair and said into the face of the evil Emperor, (in a BAD Yoda voice) 'No chance in hell have you' (Cena breaks into laughter and has to re-group, but can't as the fans are cheering for him and he can't get back in the groove) 'fired, you are' and left the evil Emperor John Laurinaitis to perish (in Cena's Laurinaitis voice) 'I'm John Laurinaitis, and I'm about to perish', so with a historic event led him to a historic announcement like this...
The lights go out! Jericho's music hits and there he is on stage in gray jeans, gray t-shirt with a skull and crossbones, and one of his sparkly jackets. Jericho does not look impressed as he slowly heads to the ring. The show cuts to a video promo of Jericho singing with Fozzy and how his new music can be downloaded the end of this month.
Jericho in the ring and the arena is filled with "Y2J!" chants. Jericho asks Cena what in the hell he's talking about? Instead of wasting time, make his announcement, then get out of Jericho's ring. It's his ring, and it's his night tonight! Mixed reaction for Jericho.
Cena says to give him his due, Jericho is back. Cena says he did go off a bit, but since Jericho's been gone, somethings have happened. Big Show is on a tear, and he's said he's moving on to MITBLM. He says there's no one to stop him from climbing the ladder and getting the contract, then there's no Champ who can stop him. Cena, quite frankly, believes him, so the historic announcement is, to stop Big Show, Cena's putting himself in the MITBLM. Jericho says wait, Cena thinks he's just going to... Cena says stop Big Show in the MITBLM and keep him from being Champ? They both know that everyone with the suitcase has always cashed it in to be the Champ. Cena knows it better than anyone, he's had that suitcase cashed in on him more than once! He figures it's time to be on the other side of the fence. He hasn't been Champ in over a year. Come to think of it, at MITB, he's out to win the whole fudgin' thing.
"It's a PG show, it's the best I could do," says Cena.
"What are you, nine?" asks Jericho.
Cena says,"Most of our viewers are about that age."
Jericho says something he remembers now that he's back, Cena's arrogance never ceases to amaze him. How dare Cena think he can waltz into a MITBLM and think he can win it his first time just because he's Cena? No, no, no, it doesn't work that way. He's survived MITBLMs, in fact he invented the MITBLM in 2005. Yeah, yeah, that's his. He's been in three...
"And you've won none of them, so what's your point?"
Jericho glares. Jericho says Cena's always so smug, making jokes, so funny. The MITB is not a joke. This isn't fun. He wants fun? Try a bouncy house. Do another Star Wars promo, because that was fun. "Really" Jericho says rolling his eyes. MITB is a serious match. There's never been a performer who's been in more ladder matches than Jericho. This is a career ender. Instead of worrying about stopping Big Show, he should worry about stopping Jericho. As of right now Jericho is entering himself in the MITBLM as well.
EXCUSE ME! EXCUSE ME! Vickie wants to make a few things clear. In three weeks MITB will take place. EXCUSE ME!! There will be two MITB matches, one for the WWE Title contract, one for the WHC contract. No one can place themselves in these matches just because...
Jericho cuts in and says that just because Vickie is...
"Do NOT interrupt me! I am the GM!"
"I'm sorry Vickie, what are you going to do? Suspend me?"
Vickie laughs and says she spoke to the Board of Directors. They came up with an interesting concept. It will be very exclusive. Only former WWE Champs can compete in the WWE Title MITBLM. These individuals will be – Kane, Big Show, Jericho and Cena.
Cena says that's a great idea! "Vickie, you're a great GM. All you have to do is take orders from the WWE Board of Directors, and not make any decisions of your own!"
Vickie glares at Cena. She says she might not be able to determine the MITB matches, but she will make the main event. It's been nearly two years, so Cena will go one on one with Jericho.
Vader showed up in the ring two weeks ago, then last week we had Foley and Piper. Who will it be tonight?
Slater vs Sycho Sid
Lilian in the ring, and she's about to announce the Legend to the ring, but Slater's music hits and out he comes – much oranger than last week. Video of him singing last week and Piper getting in his face. Lauper then hit Slater over the head with the gold record. Slater says he's the One Man Band and he doesn't care about what Vader, Piper, Ritcher feel about him. He is one of the top Superstars on RAW! He is Heath Slater, and he rules the world. He says he rules the world! Out comes Sycho Sid! June 9, 1997 was the last time he was in the WWE.
They lock up, Sid backed into a corner, then Sid slaps Slater's chest and he hits the mat. Slater set up top, a slap to the face and he hits the floor! A slam/bomb on Slater to the mat. Slater goes after Sid's left knee, then on Si'ds head, but then runs the ropes into a Sid clothesline. A leg drop, then Sid calls for a powerbomb. Sit hits his release powerbomb on Slater. Sid down with both hands on Slater's chest for the three.
Winner – Sycho Sid (1:41)
King and Cole talk about it being four episodes to the 1,000th episode. Night now on dot.com is the first social media ambassador.
#1 Contender Contract On A Pole Match – ADR vs Ziggler
ADR out in a 2003 Ferrari Modena, bright yellow! Cole then pushes ADR's Facebook page. Ziggler out to face him. Ricardo is in the ring mocking Ziggler's sweat flick.
"Let's go Ziggler!" chants. Ziggler ducks ADR and runs for the contract, but is caught. He's beaten down in a corner, then ADR to the corner but Ziggler grabs her. A shot on Ziggler, then a backbreaker in the center of the ring on Ziggler. ADR for the corner, but Ziggler catches him. Russian leg sweep to ADR with more chants for Ziggler. Back and forth between the two, then a drop kick to ADR. ADR throws Ziggler off, the Ziggler tries to climb, but ADR catches him and both are down. ADR climbs, but then Ziggler climbs ADR! ADR gets Ziggler in the right spot, then a Samoan drop to Ziggler from up top.
ADR climbs, but Ziggler is back. Ziggler grabs the contract and sends it flying to the ring. Cole says that the person has to have control of the contract, King says he thought you just had to retrieve it!
Both on the mat grab for the contract. Ziggler kicks it out of ADR's hands, they continue to fight for it. Ziggler grabs it, but is pushed off. Fighting back and forth, the ref rules it's still not over! Ricardo grabs it, but Ziggler knocks it from his hands. It's outside and they scramble. Ziggler has his ankle caught by ADR. Then Ziggler catches ADR. They end up falling out the opposite side of the ring. They are both holding their heads when Sheamus comes out. He calls them ladies and says there's no reason to keep fighting. Ziggler's granny says it will be a Triple Threat Match for the WHC. Now, this match won't be about showing off, and it sure ain't gonna be about destiny. This match is about Sheamus kicking both their arses this Friday night! Sheamus is all smiles on the stage while the other two seethe outside the ring.
No Contest (5:03)
They have the results of who the WWE 'Universe' thinks AJ should be with. Punk ran away with it.
#AJPUNK - 51%
#AJKANE - 27%
#AJBRYAN - 8%
#AJALL - 14%
Recap of the opening match of the night. AJ came around the ring, skipping, and it again costs Kane the match. Punk eliminated Kane after a GTS. Then Bryan kicked Punk in the head to defeat Punk. Punk will face Bryan for the WWE Title at MITB.
Punk hangs up his cell, then AJ behind him, hands over his eyes and says 'guess who!' Punk guesses King Kong Bundy. No silly, it's AJ! She's in a white robe and says things didn't go as he wanted earlier. So tonight she will dedicate her match to her. Punk says after that they have a serious conversation about them. AJ says she's not against taking things to the next level, she's looking forward to it, but she has to win this battle royal first. AJ bounces off and Punk looks frazzled.
Foley's favorite RAW moment is September 27, 1999. It would be impossible to talk about his favorite moments without talking about the This Is Your Life for Rock. The WWE 'Universe' decided en mass that this was a favorite.
Divas Summertime Battle Royal – Natalya vs Aksana vs AJ vs Fox vs la vs Kaitlyn vs Tamina vs Beth vs Rosa vs Vickie
The Divas are in the ring, but Vickie comes out out with Vickie Power, in a robe and demands they stay on her good side. Vickie into the ring and removes her robe to show her leopard one piece bathing suit.
The Divas all go after Vickie, but then the fight break up. No clue who the first eliminated was, then another. Fox, then Kaitlyn, then Rosa out. Tamina out, then Beth grabs Layla. Natalya rushes Layla being held by Beth, but Layla moves and Beth eliminated. Natalya eliminate by Layla. AJ eliminates Layla. Vickie tries to eliminate AJ, but AJ stays on the apron. Vickie screeches at AJ, then a chest bump. Vickie pushes AJ who hits her with a Thesz Press. AJ is able to eliminate Vickie.
Winner – AJ (2:11)
AJ, in her red bikini top and black bikini bottom yells "YES!" "YES!" "YES!" over and over while pointing to the sky and bouncing.
Jericho vs Cena
The lights go out, then Jericho in his blinkie jacket comes out to the ring. Jericho stands in the ring and the "Y2J!" chants start. Cena's music and out he comes with a salute and a run to the ring.
They circle, then lock up. Jericho backed into a corner. Side headlock take over on Jericho. Head scissors on Cena on mat. Dueling chants for Cena. Cena goes for the AA and Jericho flees the ring. The dueling chants continue and fill the arena.
Chinlock on Cena on the mat. Cena fights to his feet, then muscles free. An elbow, then blows to Jericho. Jericho whipped but gets a foot up. Missile drop kick to Cena for two. Jericho slaps Cena's head, then chokes him in the ropes. Back suplex to Cena, then Jericho kicks him in the back. A kick to the ribs, then a low drop kick to Cena to send him out. Cena on the apron, Jericho pulls him up, then punches Cena. Cena blocks a suplex and suplexes Jericho himself. Blows to Jericho, but then Jericho takes Cena down to the mat. Chin hold on Cena, really wrenching his head back. Cena to his feet, then musicles free. Head butt, then a blow, but runs into a high elbow. The lionsault is ducked, then Super Cena is alive. 5 knuckle shuffle is avoided as Jericho sets up for the walls, but Cena free. Jericho up for the AA, but elbows free. Cena hits the 5 knuckle shuffle, but then Big Show's music hits.
Jericho up on Cena's shoulders, but Cena distracted and Jericho is able to lock on the walls. Big Show in and drops a leg on Cena already in the walls.
Winner – Cena via DQ (8:30)
Big Show asks Jericho if he wants something? Jericho slides from the ring and gives Cena over to Big Show. A HUGE chokeslam to Cena. The colossal clutch on Cena as Big Show yells at Cena to smile for him! Cena is 'out', but Big Show keeps the hold on. Finally Big Show lets go and the fans are full of hate for him. Big Show just glares at the ref.