RAW this week starts with video recap of Cena in the ring, arm in a sling last week. Laurinaitis came out and talked smack to Cena, then said he’d introduce Cena to his next opponent, but it wasn’t Tensai, it was Laurinaitis who attacked him from behind, then the three of them beat Cena down, specifically Cena’s left arm to the post and with a chair.
In Ring Segment
Laurinaitis to the ring in a black suit, white shirt, red tie – perfectly corporate. Cole is going off about Laurinaitis needing a reason for attacking Cena the way he did. My name is John Laurinaitis, Executive Vice President of Talent Relations and General Manager of both RAW and Smackdown. He’s the undisputed leader and authority figure for the WWE. He won’t allow anyone to challenge his authority or leadership skills, not even Cena. Last week Cena embarrassed and insulted him. Called Laurinaitis an idiot and corporate jackass. Lass week he lost his temper. When that happens he goes into a fit of destruction no one can withstand. Brock injured Cena’s are, he injured Cena’s pride. At OTL, he will finish what Brock started. If Cena thinks he was humbled by Brock, then Laurinaitis will show everyone how skillful and dangerous Laurinaitis can be. He won’t apologize for what he did to Cena, that’s only the start of what he can do. For those who thought the Board of Directors would reprimand him, they did not! Why? Because the Board of Directors knows he’s tough, but fair. That’s why he’s asked that Cena not be there live tonight. He wants Cena to do therapy on his elbow he won’t have an excuse why he was beat.
In the spirit of People Power, Cena will be on satellite and have an interview with Laurinaitis’ good friend Cole and will apologize for making fun of Laurinaitis’ voice. He puts every Superstars on check right now that anyone making fun of his voice will suffer severe consequences. His voice wasn’t always like this. He was injured in Japan by Dr. Death Steve Williams. That didn’t stop him from becoming the biggest Superstar in WWE history. He calls up pictures of him in Japan, some plaques he won, and some of his moves. He has eyes of a Champion, not a loser. He was the Hogan of Japan. He was Austin and Rocky all rolled into one. When WWE approached him with a lucrative contract back then, he said no. But at OTL, for one night only, bigger than Cena vs Brock, bigger than Cena vs Brock, Cena vs Laurinaitis. May God bless every one of the fans. May God bless People Power. May God have mercy on John Cena.
Punk’s music hits and he comes out with a big smile on his face. Punk says he never seems to amaze anyone and cease to amaze Punk. Through all this People Power, Laurinaitis doesn’t know what the fans want. What they want to see, to hear, but Punk’s on his side today. He won’t just give Laurinaitis the keys to the castle. Won’t tell Laurinaitis what they want to hear and see, he’ll start backward with what they don’t want to see or hear. What the ‘Universe’ doesn’t want to see is Laurinaitis. Hear that? They don’t want to see him week in and week out in his Brook’s Brothers suits shuffling around with his bucket list, or the time he spent in Japan. He especially loves the revisionist history of how good he was in Japan. That was awesome.
Punk knows the truth and says the truth, things others don’t want to say. He’s there to tell Laurinaitis to the face, straight up. This is all about Laurinaitis putting all his chips on Brock Lesnar, then Cena beat him. So Laurinaitis’ face got as red as his republican tie and was embarrassed. Attack an already injured Cena to get out his frustration. Brock does the damage, then Laurinaitis like a hyena picks the bones.
Punk asks if he was forgetting anything. Oh, yeah, the reason Laurinaitis had to go compete in Japan because no one in the USA who would pay a dime to see Laurinaitis’ ass wrestle. Laurinaitis is puffed up at Punk, trying to look down at Punk, even though he’s not THAT much taller. Punk says Laurinaitis was a joke and left. He came back and is still a joke.
Laurinaitis tells Punk to be careful, be very careful.
Punk says he’ll be careful, then calls Laurinaitis Mr. Rooney – a jibe at Laurinaitis’ voice. Punk says he’ll watch OTL, after he beats Bryan, he’ll watch Cena beat Laurinaitis.
Laurinaitis asks Punk if he’s finished?
Punk mocks him asking the same question and the fans answer with a resounding “No!” Punk said People Power and said they’d listen to the people, so he asked again and got a louder “NO!” Okay, let’s see then. You’re stupid. You’re ugly. Any you have no friends. Am I finished? “NO!” You’re also a gigantic toolbox. Now I’m finished!
Laurinaitis says if he wasn’t training for his match for Cena, he’d pummel Punk to the ground. Tonight Punk’s going to face somebody who knows the word respect. Someone who went to Japan, honed his skills and came back a destructive force. Punk wants to be taught a lesson, then he will. Tonight Punk will face Lord Tensai.
Punk didn’t look thrilled about this, but said he had a feeling Laurinaitis would do that as his entire career he’s hide behind extremely big men and he’s had others do all his heavy lifting. He looks forward to it, as he looks forward to seeing Cena bend Laurinaitis into a pretzel at OTL and tap out. Punk dropped his pipe bomb to the mat, then backed away from Laurinaitis so he couldn’t get jumped, then Punk from the ring and up the ramp.
Big Show flexing his fingers as he heads for the ring.
Laurinaitis is walking along texting and bumps into Big Show’s back. Laurinaitis yells at Big Show for not getting out of the way when his boss is walking towards him. Stay out of my way! In a Laurinaitis voice, “Whatever you say Mr. Laurinaitis. People Power! There you go!” Big Show turns to see Eve standing there in her glasses, arms crossed, glaring at him. Big Show turns and walks away.
IC Title Match – Cody Rhodes (C) vs Big Show
Cody out to the ring in one of those great new jackets he has. Stills from Big Show stepping back through the table at Extreme Rules, then Cody being put through tables. Big Show out to the ring with a huge smile and gives his hat to a child who is or has obviously been dealing with serious health issues – very gaunt, hair barely growing in, but the biggest smile when he saw Big Show.
Big Show on Cody in a corner with big blows, then a slap to the chest. Cody tossed across the ring, then another slap to Cody’s chest. Big Show slams Cody to the mat. More blows in a corner and Cody whipped, but gets his feet up. Disaster kick, but then Big Show again tosses Cody and pulls back for the blow, but Cody from the ring and grabs his belt. Big Show sends Cody into the ring, but Cody slides out and up the ramp with his belt. The ref counts Cody out as he heads backstage.
Winner Big Show via countout
Cody out to pose on the stage. Big Show tells Cody to come back, not take the coward’s way out. Cody leaves. Big Show says if he has to find him, then it will be worse. Eve’s music hits and she model stomps her way to the ring. Eve with a mic looks at Big Show and tells him to apologize. He asks for what? She says for making fun of Laurinaitis’ voice. Big Show says he was just playing around. She cuts him off. She tells him to apologize to her, the fans and Laurinaitis. He says fine, he’s sorry. She tells him she asked him to apologize. She says outside of this business there not much need for a seven foot tall 441lbs freak. Big Show looks upset. Eve tells him to apologize for making fun of Laurinaitis voice. Big Show says, though it’s hard for him to push the words out, he apologizes for making fun of John Laurinaitis’ voice. Happy? He leaves the ring shaking his head and she smirks, then glares at his retreating form.
Kofi and R-Truth defeated the Colons for the Tag Team Championship, even after Rosa tried to help.
Kofi w/ R-Truth vs Dolph w/ Vickie & Swagger
Kofi and R-Truth out to the ring together, smiles on their faces, invisible Little Jimmy in tow. EXCUSE ME! EXCUSE ME! Vickie, in a little black dress, introduces Dolph who comes out with Swagger, in a suit, in tow. Stars from USA’s Common Law are in the front row.
Kofi with an arm hold on Dolph. Dolph reverses. Backstage Primo, Epico, Rosa and AW watch on monitor. Kofi on Dolph for two. Kofi sent into a corner face first and pinned for two. Drop kick to Kofi for two. An arm and chin hold on o on the mat. “Kofi!” chants. Again to backstage and Mason Ryan came into the group. Double arm clotheslines to Dolph, then a drop kick and another big clothesline. Boom drop on Dolph. Swagger on the apron eats a fist and Dolph tries to gain control, but can’t. SOS on Dolph for a long two. Kofi up and Swagger pulls Kofi’s foot and he falls to the mat. Zig-zag and Dolph gets the three.
Winner – Dolph (2:40)
Video of the high points of the match. The heels celebrate on the ramp.
Cena is getting ready for his interview with Cole, but I’m guessing he’s most likely backstage.
Cole in the ring in a brown suit. He says Cena is there via satellite.
Cena thanks the ‘Universe’ for their concerns, he appreciates it.
Cole asks for a medical update?
Cena says there’s nothing torn, but after the attack last week he has to have his elbow drained twice a day.
Cole says he will be ready for OTL in a couple weeks?
Cena says what he’s saying is there’s a group of doctors that say in their medical opinion that Cena shouldn’t compete for the next few months. That’s okay because he recommended in his opinion that they have no idea who they’re dealing with. He doesn’t care if his elbow hurts, his arm is stained, if they amputate his arm, there’s nothing that will keep him from the ring when he faces off against Laurinaitis.
Cole says he wasn’t contacted by the Board of Directors. Is Cena shocked Laurinaitis wasn’t reprimanded by the Board of Directors?
Cena says he wasn’t surprised. They didn’t contact Laurinaitis because they contacted Cena. He said to forget their anger management, forget their fines, forget their demotions and for God’s sake don’t fire Laurinaitis until after OTL!
Cole says he’s been doing research over the past week and watching tapes. He’s impressed with what Laurinaitis accomplished in his career. He thinks Cena could be scared of Laurinaitis?
Cena says brilliant investigative reporting Cole, he is scared. He scared Laurinaitis is so bad that Laurinaitis is going to hurt himself before Cena has a chance to get his hands on Laurinaitis. He had the opportunity to do what every Superstars and ‘Universe’ wants to do and will take full advantage of that. In 13 days Laurinaitis can’t ban him from the building. In 13 days Laurinaitis is not a suit. Which means in 13 days at OTL, he’ll kick Laurinaitis ass! Cena’s music plays and it’s over.
Kelly in green and Layla in black and blue, Divas strap over her shoulder, are heading for the ring together.
Natalya & Maxine vs Kelly & Layla
Maxine in black, Natalya in pink and black in the ring. Beth on announce doesn’t want to talk about her ankle. Kelly out with a smile. Layla out to join her. Video of Layla after winning the Title. She got hurt at Extreme Rules last year, but dind’t know what would happen. She worked hard and won Divas Champ first night back!
Layla waves to Beth on announce, then on Maxine with clothesline and a back kick, but Natalya in to stop the pin. Kelly takes Natalya off the apron hard. Maxine attaks Layla hard, but Layla fights back and hits a widow’s peak type move for the three, staring at Beth the whole time.
Winners – Kelly & Layla (0:45)
Kelly and Layla celebrate but Beth is on her feet and mad. Video of the high points of the match.
Clips from Santino’s Foreign Exchange with Cole talking over much of it. They’re pushing his YouTube show, McGillicutty came through and scared Santino.
ADR w/ Ricardo & Jericho vs Orton & Sheamus
ADR out in a 2012 Ferarri FF as Ricardo announced him to the ring. Jericho out in his blinkie jacket, version 2.0. Cole wants us to like the WWE on Facebook. Cole wishes he had a jacket like Jericho’s for the clubs – yes, Cole actually said that! Orton out to the ring and doesn’t wait for his partner to get in the ring and pose. Sheamus out to join him with a bandaged shoulder.
Orton and ADR lock up. Side headlock on ADR, who pusj=hes out and eats a shoulder block for one. Kick to Orton’s leg. ADR whipped and tries to float over, but taken down by Orton. Arm bar on ADR, but ADR with blows and tags out. Jericho on Orton with blows in a corner. Jericho backed off, but then kicked and blows in a corner on him. Clothesline to Jericho, then Orton’s knee to Jericho’s face. Sheamus tags in and on Jericho with blows, then knee drops under the ropes. Jericho runs the ropes into a back elbow, but then each chops in a corner. Jericho reverses a whip, but then grabs a float over and kicks Jericho in the chest. 10 blows over the top rope. ADR eats a clothesline on the apron, but then Jericho sends Sheamus to the corner shoulder first, then to the post. Outside ADR kicks on Sheamus’ shoulder.
Arm and chin hold on Sheamus and his bad shoulder. Sheamus has been in this whole time, according to King. Sheamus to his feet and backs Jericho into a corner and elbows with the good arm. Clothesline to Jericho and both are down. Both tag out.
Orton on ADR with clotheslines and that sick slam! ADR through the ropes and that ‘vintage’ Orton DDT. Orton pounds the mat, Jericho in and eats a slam, but Ricardo on the apron and an enziguri from ADR on Orton for two. ADR with blows on Orton on the mat. Orton into the heel corner and Jericho tags in. Jericho stomps Orton in the corner and then distracts the ref for ADR to attack. Orton on Jericho with blows and a great drop kick. Both are down and Sheamus is screaming for the tag, but Jericho attacks Orton for two. Jericho micks Sheamus, then hits a back suplex on Orton. A blow to Orton on the mat, then a chinlock on Orton.
The fans are hot for Orton. Orton to his feet and blows, but Orton fights back and rolls Jericho up for two, but then eats an enziguri! Jericho with a knee on Orton’s head talks smack to Sheamus. ADR tags in, kicks Orton in the head for two. Arm hold on Orton, then an arm buster. Orton blocks ADR’s finisher and hits a back breaker on ADR, both are down.
Both tag out. Double handed clotheslines to Jericho, then a high knee to Jericho. Jericho up, but Sheamus shoulder gives out. Jericho tries for the walls but Sheamus muscles out. Irish curse back breaker. ADR in and attacks, but an RKO takes him out. Sheamus accidentally hits Orton with a brogue kick. In Sheamus’ upset state he takes a code breaker for three.
Winner – Jericho & ADR (13:20)
Jericho over to Cole to tell him he pinned the World Heavyweight Champion. Video of high points in the match. Sheamus to his feet, over to help Orton up, but Orton looks rocked, as if he is clueless, but then a solid RKO on Sheamus and Orton looks a bit more of the heel, even though the fans still really love him.
Laurinaitis says Big Show apology was insincere. Eve’s going to talk to Big Show now. Jericho says he pinned Sheamus and deserves the Title shot. ADR in and says the same. Orton in and wants it. A fight between the three, then Sheamus in an attacks Jericho. Then Orton and Sheamus get into an argument about what happened in the ring. Sheamus tells Orton to bring it. Laurinaitis makes the Title match at OTL a Fatal Four Way.
Funkasaurus vs Miz
Clay and his dancers out in red, a new disco ball above the ring adds to his entrance. They dance in the ring, then Clay rips his pants off as Cole talks about clubbing. Video of Clay reminding us Mother’s Day is this Sunday. Miz out with a mic. Really? Really? Really? Instead of competing for the WWE Championship, he’s facing this? He’s the most must see WWE Champ of all time. If he wanted to see King Hippo dance, he’d play Tyson’s Punch Out! (Product placement anyone?) He tells Clay to listen good because he will have call his Mamma after experiencing Miz. He’s to tell her he’s the Miz and he’s awesome!
Behind Clay with blows, then blows ay his head, but Miz runs into a clothesline. He rolls out and the dancers laughed at him, pointing! Clay out, follows Miz, then back in to be stomped by Miz. A kick to Clay’s head for two. Miz hits his corner clothesline, then climbs. Double ax handle to Clay’s head for one. Chinlock on Clay. Clay to his feet and Miz on Clay’s back. Clay backs into a corner and sends Miz flying. Kick to Clay, then a sick DDT for two on Clay! Miz rips at Clay’s face, but Clay back with blows on Miz. Miz ducks and hits a low drop kick on Clay’s knee. High knee to Clay’s jaw, then a chinlock on the mat. The dancers clap for Clay. Clay to his feet, Miz off his and slammed to the mat. Battering ram head of Clay, but runs into a big boot. Miz up top, but Clay catches him and is thrown across the ring. Clay splashes Miz on the mat for three.
Winner – Clay (4:14)
Funkasaurus dances. Video of the high points of the match. Funkasaurus and his dancers in the ring celebrate.
In a Bronx school Steph, Sheamus, Henry, ADR, Eve, and Layla talk about being bullied. That Henry was bullied really seemed to hit home to a lot of kids.
Recap of the start of RAW last week with Laurinaitis and Brock, then Trip to the ring. Trip didn’t put up with Laurinaitis’ crap, but was then attacked by Brock who ‘broke’ Trip’s arm. Brock walked off and left the scene. Cole says he spoke to WWE doctors and it’s a bad break with tears to tendons. King says Trip needs surgery, but he is still working as COO. They show pictures of Trip wearing this arm contraption. Cole says the WWE invited Brock, but instead his legal representatives are there.
In Ring Segment
Brock’s music hits, but no one comes out for a bit – then Heyman! Heyman to the ring, a bit older and less hair, but still as smarmy looking. He introduces himself and the fans who know him cheer. He’s there as the representative for Brock Lesnar – heat for that. The single most destructive athlete in the WWE, but has been booed, hated and most maligned by the WWE audience since day one. That holds true for corporate management. Today’s WWE is so different from ten years ago when he first presented Lesnar. It’s so image conscious. Despite that fact, Mr. John Laurinaitis, Executive Vice President of Talent Relations and permanent General Manager for RAW and Smackdown brought Brock in and gave him a contract. Admittedly Brock made some contractual demands that were agreed to on TV, making us all party to that agreement. Ladies and gentlemen, Brock feels betrayed by the WWE ‘Universe’. Brock shouldn’t have to feel that way because he’s the only man in history to ever hold the NCAA Division 1 Heavyweight Wrestling Championship, the Undisputed WWE Championship and the Undisputed UFC Heavyweight Championship of The World!
Yet, above all else, he knows and we should all know Brock is an honest man. He said he’d be an ass kicking machine and Brock was an ass kicking machine! Brock told us he was going to hurt people and he hurt people. Instead of his running down Brock’s accolades, instead Brock asked him to come and read Brock’s official statement.
“I came back to bring legitimacy to the WWE, that’s exactly what I did. How was I rewarded? With the same corporate politics and BS that led me to leave 8 years ago. I don’t regret what I did to John Cena, I embarrassed him. Another guy I embarrassed was Triple H. He’s always been jealous of me. Triple H lasted nearly one hour in a cell with The Undertaker, but he couldn’t last one minute in a fight with me. Triple H tried to push his weight around because now he has an office job. I had an agreement with the company and he broke it, just like I broke his arm. I don’t care about Triple H. I don’t care about you people, and I don’t care about the corporate suits at WWE, because I Brock Lesnar am never coming back!” The fans love this idea! “Because I, Brock Lesnar, quit!” Heyman flips the mic out of his hand and leaves the ring. Any pop Heyman got on his way in was all heat on his way out.
Cole says Brock would have been fired if he hadn’t quit. Video recap of Punk going off on Laurinaitis to start the show.
Punk heading for the ring. King says it will be a two on one handicap match for Punk.
Big Show is talking to two guys from Common Law, the new show on USA, about how the Title can’t change hands due to count out and how it’s frustrating. It was smart on Cody’s part, Big Show was going to rip Cody apart. They don’t like Big Show apologizing and Laurinaitis shouldn’t be doing it. Big Show says things aren’t the same now. They don’t like Laurinaitis. They’re detectives, sexy detectives and should be able to figure things out, who’s pictures he’s holding onto to keep his job. All three in Laurinaitis voices, but then they stop laughing with Eve behind Big Show. Big Show closes his eyes and shakes his head, he knew he was in deep.
Handicap Match – CM Punk vs Tensai w/ Sakamoto & Daniel Bryan
Punk out to the ring to huge pop, all smiles. Laurinaitis cuts off Punk’s music to announce that it’s a Handicap Match against Tensai and Bryan. Guess Cole dropped the ball and the secret when he announced it to us on TV as Punk was walking backstage before the commercial – oops!
Tensai in with Punk. Punk chops, but Tensai grabs him. Punk free into a block, then an elbow drop. Tensai slams Punk, then an elbow drop on the mat. Bryan tags in with a huge smirk. Kicks to Punk’s chest for two. Punk rolls Bryan up for two. Chops on Bryan, then a double cross body drops them both. “CM Punk!” chants. Bryan tags out and Tensai on Punk with knees, his chicken wing hold and slam on Punk, then a knee to Punk’s spine. Tensai tossed Punk from the ring. Tensai out, but Punk on him with a few blows. Tensai picks Punk up and slams him back first into the post. Tensai rolls Punk back in and locks on the Vulcan nerve pinch on the mat.
Punk to his feet and stomps Tensai’s feet. Tensai slams Punk, then a back splash. Bryan tagged in, climbs with a “YES!”, then flies, but Punk moves! Bryan struggles to pull himself to Tensai, but Punk holds his ankle. Bryan kicks at Punk, but Punk grabs Bryan and sends him snake eyes into the corner. Clotheslines, then a back kick. A swinging neck breaker to Bryan. High knee to Bryan, then the bulldog and Punk poses for the fans. Punk motions for GTS, gets Bryan up, but Bryan free and Tensai takes the tag. Bryan clotheslined from the ring, but Tensai in.
Punk tries to lift Tensai, but can’t Tensai eats corner when Punk moves. Kick to the back of Tensai’s head and Punk climbs. Sakamoto distracts and Bryan trips Punk up there. Tensai slams Punk to the mat, then stalks Punk. Green mist to the hand, then the claw on Punk. Tensai yells “YES!” Tensai then plants Punk for three.
Winner – Tensai & Bryan (7:11)
Bryan is all “YES!” “YES!” “YES!” “YES!” “YES!” Tens stares at his hand on the ramp, trying to look imposing. Video of the high points of the match. Tensai poses on the stage as Bryan in and stomps Punk. Bryan locks on his lock while screaming “YES!” Bryan also yells that Punk isn’t better than him. Bryan then to his feet yelling “YES!” “YES!” “YES!” Bryan on Punk again locking in. The ref gets Bryan off Punk, but then the “YES!” “YES!” “YES!” As RAW goes off the air the fans are chating “YES!” with Bryan.
Brock (on the tron, or mentioned)