RAW this week starts with music and pyro.
In Ring Segment
Laurinaitis out on his mobility scooter, crutch in front of him, down to the ring, then uses the crutch to get into the ring. Cole says that the rumors say VKM is happy with Laurinaitis. King says the rumors say VKM is going to fire Laurinaitis. Cole and King argue about this and the job Laurinaitis’ been doing.
Laurinaitis looks up into the cheap seats. My name is John Laurinaitis… VKM’s music cuts Laurinaitis off! VKM out and the fans go wild for him!
Laurinaitis looks a little nervous in the ring, the fans still hot for VKM. Laurinaitis reaches to shake, VKM looks at the hand. Says he won’t shake it, doesn’t know where it’s been. They’re not buddies, this is business. He’s there to give him a job performance evaluation. “Give me one reason why I should not fire our pencil necked butt right now”
The fans love this. Laurinaitis says two words, People Power. Laurinaitis goes on to say that as they’re approaching the 100th, 1,000th episode of RAW (yes, he screwed up THAT badly), People Power has become the biggest phenomenon in WWE. He listens to the people he empowers them and they love him for it.
VKM asks, “Do you love him for it?” Huge heat! VKM says, “Sounds like they don’t love you for it.”
Laurinaitis says these are the same people who booed VKM as loud years ago. Now they show VKM the respect he deserves for the legend he is. “We all respect you.” They have a couple things in common. Both visionaries. “Fire Johnny!” chants from the fans. They’re both innovators. They’re both astute businessmen. The “Fire Johnny!” chants get louder, almost drowning out Laurinaitis.
VKM says they’re astute visionary businessmen? Laurinaitis agrees. VKM says Laurinaitis is the one who signed Brock and caused them two different lawsuits because of it, right? The astute businessman who actually – true story – hired the wrong one legged wrestler! (I actually researched this weeks ago, yes, it is true.) Youc all that being an astute businessman?
Laurinaitis blames Triple H for the Brock thing. Trip was manhandled by Brock.
VKM talks about re-signing Big Show to a no-cut contract and a huge bonus? This man hasn’t produced since 1999! What a horrible investment for the WWE. What does Laurinaitis have to say for himself.
Laurinaitis says VKM is biased when it comes to Big Show. One time DX shoved VKM’s head up Big Show’s buttocks, but that doesn’t mean he’s not a good investment. This is a new Big Show. VKM saw the carnage. And when VKM see what he does to Cena in the steel cage, he’ll know it’s a good investment. Why is Laurinaitis the man for the job? Because he does it all!
Not only is he the GM of RAW and Smackdown, he’s the Executive VP of Talent Relations. He knows how to relate to talent. Both locker rooms look up to him as a leader, a mentor, and something that’s dear to him, as a friend.
“We can’t even understand you!” How can anybody be Laurinaitis’ friend?
Laurinaitis says they all look up to him…
Sheamus music cuts Laurinaitis off. Out come Sheamus to solid pop. Sheamus has a big smiles and says to Mr. McMahon… VKM tells Laurinaitis that this is Sheamus, the World Heavyweight Champion. Laurinaitis congratulates Sheamus on that.
“That sounded very sincere,” says Sheamus. Then Sheamus turns to VKM and says it’s great to see him back there, and he looks great. As WHC, listening to them banter, he wanted to come out and say Laurinaitis’ right. Johnny’s a friend. He’s he type of friend who will fine you half a million dollars, just because he can. Right Johnny? The type of friend who will hold a personal vendetta against you, just because you bumped into him on your way to the ring.
VKM says #FireJohnny is trending worldwide, he just noticed it and wanted to mention it. Every loves this and Sheamus laughs. More “Fire Johnny!” chants.
Johnny’s a friend who, how do I say this, happens to be the worst GM in WWE history. So, VKM, on behalf of the WWE Superstars, the fans there and at home, I implore you, kick Johnny out on his arse!
Laurinaitis says Sheamus doesn’t represent the locker room. How dare Sheamus talk to him that way, he’s Sheamus’ boss! Sheamus stay right there because he’s going to find an opponent that will make Sheamus sorry he said those things about him. Sheamus laughs.
VKM stops Laurinaitis and says that it better be a really good opponent, and it better be an impressive match. Every match should be very impressive or Laurinaitis will hear these two words. YOU’RE FIRED! Laurinaitis leaves the ring and uses his crutch to stomp up the ramp. VKM leaves the ring and uses Laurinaitis’ Jazzy to go up the ramp. Sheamus watches VKM laughing, with a huge smile on his face, very obviously loving this even more than his character would. Up on the stage VKM gets off the Jazzy, sets things up and sends it flying off the side off the stage to fall to the floor. Sheamus smiles even wider as Cole is worried about how Laurinaitis will get around backstage.
Sheamus vs Tensai w/ Sakamoto
Sheamus is in the ring waiting. Video of ADR facing Khali on Smackdown. During the match a chop to the head and ADR is out due to serious concussion. Laurinaitis out on the stage and says he found Sheamus’ opponent, and after last week, he’s not in a good mood. Out comes Tensai with Sakamoto in tow. He’s mad for losing to Cena.
They lock up and muscle around, but no one making it into a corner as the arena is filled with huge “Albert!” chants! Finally Tensai into a corner. A bad shoulder block sends Sheamus flying. Side headlock on Tensai. Tensai pushed out, but a shoulder block doesn’t drop Tensai, but then Tensai slaps Sheamus across the face. Sheamus on Tensai with blows and kicks. Sheamus is whipped, but gets a foot up in Tensai’s face. Sheamus follows up with a chop block. (I apologize now, I have typed Albert each time for Tensai and had to fix it. If I say Albert, please know who I mean and I’m sorry for the screwup.)
Sheamus on Tensai on the mat. Back elbow drops Sheamus. Head butt to Sheamus. Sheamus ducks a short clothesline. Sheamus on Tensai hard, then clotheslines Tensai from the ring and goes out over the top with him.
Tensai ripping at Sheamus’ face. Blows on Tensai, but then he was right back on Sheamus with a knee to Sheamus’ head. Sheamus whipped hard, and he falls. Splash to Sheamus’ back in the corner. Tensai to the second ropes and splashes Sheamus for two. With a foot on Sheamus’ head, Tensai pulls Sheamus’ arm up hard. Vulcan nerve hold on Sheamus who is bleeding. Head butting Sheamus. Sheamus fight back with blows, then a clothesline for two.
Tensai free of Sheamus’ hold, sends Sheamus out, but he lands on the apron. Sheamus on Tensai over the ropes for forearms, but Sheamus on the apron. Sheamus climbs, but Tensai catches him and hits his sit down bomb, but only for two!
Tensai screams at Sheamus on the mat and head butts Sheamus to the face. Sheamus forces Tensai to run sharpshooter ropes, then a brogue kick and Sheamus gets the three!
Winner – Sheamus > (9:28)
Video of the high points. Sheamus celebrates his win. Hand slapping his way up the ramp, all smiles.
In Laurinaitis’ office, Teddy is there with his name tag. VKM tells Laurinaitis that it looked like things didn’t go very well for Laurinaitis in that match. That’s strike one. What sort of brilliant idea does Laurinaitis have? Who will replace ADR this Sunday to face Sheamus?
Laurinaitis says well, well, well… EXCUSE ME! Vickie comes in and says he’s sure Laurinaitis has a great idea, but there’s two former WHC on the roster, Dolph and Swagger, and she thinks they’d be perfect facing Sheamus in a Triple Threat Match. VKM thanks Vickie and says he’s sure Laurinaitis will take that under consideration. Vickie is all happy and leave. VKM says unless Laurinaitis has a better idea. Laurinaitis says for People Power, he does, but wants to hear what Teddy has.
Teddy says there’s four former WHC, Dolph, Swagger, Khali and Christian. They could put them in a Fatal 4 Way, the winner faces Sheamus at NWO. Laurinaitis says that’s what he was thinking. Teddy, go get them some coffee! Laurinaitis is being nasty, then says please. Laurinaitis holds up his fist to VKM. VKM says, “A fist bump? You have small hands.” VKM then simply walks away.
In Ring Segment
Tensai is in the ring beating up Sakamoto and yelling at him. He keeps pulls Sakamoto’s top knot and yelling at him. Tensai sense Sakamoto flying out over the top. Tensai out after Sakamoto, back on the top knot, yelling in Japanese, then slamming his head on announce. Sakamoto back first into the ring post. Sakamoto is terribly thrown into the barrier, looked like a rag doll! Knees to Sakamoto who sits there and takes it. Finally refs are out there to keep Tensai off Sakamoto.
King and Cole talk about the 1,000th RAW. July 13th, 2009. Trip announces Seth Green. He tagged with Cena and Trip. Seth talks about how amazing it was to watch his whole life and being able to work with the biggest stars. But when he was there he was able to tune out the fans and focus on what he was doing. He hopes he can visit again.
Striker talks to R-Truth about being attacked by Big Show, how is R-Truth feeling. R-Truth says he’s fine, dandy. Little Jimmy was the one traumatized by it all. Crying all night, keeping him up, wouldn’t shut up. Little Jimmy, can’t be so sensitive, does he want the other kids to make fun of you? Straighten up. He likes it when R-Truth tells the truth. Cena will take down Big Show. When Big Show steps into that cage he will find out…
Big Show punches out R-Truth with one blow. Big Show stands over R-Truth who isn’t moving.
Promo for RAW going to three hours on July 23rd. Many legends from the past and present. DX will be there.
R-Truth got punched out by Big Show.
Mixed Tag Match – Santino & Layla vs Ricardo & Beth
Santino out with his cobra. Video of Santino defeating Ricardo three weeks ago. Santino used the cobra and win. Layla out in blue with a big smile. Beth and Ricardo out, but Ricardo tries to turn and go backstage, but Beth stops him and drags him down the ramp. Ricardo argues the whole way. Beth holds the ropes for Ricardo. He goes to the corner and holds the ropes
Layla behind Beth, side headlock, Layla kicks rcd’s hand so he can’t come in. Ricardo in, but the ref gets him out. Beth slams Layla to the mat, then pins for two. Slingshot suplex on Layla, and Ricardo tags himself in! Ricardo in, as is Santino and Ricardo tries to flee, wraps his arms around her waist. Beth back in and tells Ricardo to get out of the ring and stay out. Layla with a crossbody, then clotheslines to Beth. Layla runs the ropes and grabs Beth for head scissors, but in flipping up wraps her legs around Ricardo neck and sends him flying from the ring!
Santino out after Ricardo, pulling out the cobra. Ricardo turns to flee and runs face first into the post. Santino laughs. Layla on Beth, but then Beth kicks Layla’s bad knee. A glam slam and Beth gets the three.
Winners – Beth & Ricardo (2:54)
Ricardo back in and Beth raises his arm. He’s all confused. Santino tends to Layla, then mocks Beth. Ricardo bounces around all excited and gets in Santino’s face. Santino grabs Ricardo’s white shirt and rips it off to show a skin-tight purple Justin Beiber shirt! Ricardo is mortified and flees.
Otunga is kissing up to VKM for his exquisitely tailored suit. Otunga thinks Laurinaitis is doing a great job, but if Laurinaitis is fired, then who better than a Harvard educated lawyer with s physique like VKM’s. VKM says he doesn’t like kiss ups, back stabbers, and sure doesn’t like lawyers. Lawyers are parasites praying on the ills of society.
Kofi in and says he wants Big Show tonight for taking out his partner. Laurinaitis in and says R-Truth isn’t doing well. Kofi demands Big Show, getting right up in Laurinaitis’ face. Laurinaitis sneers at Kofi, staring down his nose at him. Kofi manages to sneer back and look up at Laurinaitis while staring down his nose! Laurinaitis says that Kofi can have Big Show tonight, in a steel cage. Kofi is happy with that and stomps out. VKM says, “Not bad.”
Bryan is heading for the ring.
Last week on RAW Kane faced Punk. AJ out and in Bryan’s face. Punk flew at Bryan, but this gave Kane the win. Kane stares down AJ, but then she smiles and is coy with him.
In Ring Segment
Bryan out to the ring. “YES!” chants from the fans. He says Daniel Bryan, Punk, Kane. Clearly one of these Superstars is not like the others. He’s the first to say hes nothing like Punk and Kane. See, Punk and Kane both have a weakness in the form of a 95lbs distraction named AJ. In Punk’s case it’s all about jealousy. Bryan proved to be a better wrestler making Punk tap out. Now he’s trying to get with AJ to make Bryan jealous. Pathetic. And Kane, Kane thinks getting to second base is when a woman looks him in the eyes and doesn’t vomit. See, both Punk and Kane are obsessed with the woman who, let’s face it, is still in love with Bryan. Quite frankly, how could you blame her. She had the opportunity, for a split second, to be with something as great as all this. “YES!” “YES!” “YES!” chants from the fans. Bryan says, as AJ can attest, once you go Bryan, there’s no point in tryin’! But he’s not interested in AJ, he’s interested in the WWE Title. Q&A time with Bryan will be short. This Sunday will he emerge WWE Champ? “YES!” “YES!” “YES!” Punk’s music hits and Bryan isn’t impressed.
From the top of the ramp Punk is about to talk, but the chants for him get really loud. Punk says, for somebody who claimed to be no longer interested in AJ, he does talk about her a lot. He says that he’s talked to AJ and she’s pretty cool. They have something in common, Bryan. Punk walks to the ring as he talks. Punk says that outside of the ring, AJ is WAY out of Bryan’s league. Punk steps into the ring and says, inside the ring, he’s not even close to being in Punk’s league. And AJ is crazy, and anyone who knows anything about Punk, knows he digs crazy chicks. There’s only one thing he digs more, his WWE Title. The past couple months they’ve beaten each other, Kane’s beaten them both, but that doesn’t matter Sunday. One of two things will happen. Either Punk will beat a deranged, out of his mind freak, or he’ll beat Kane. Either way he’s walking out the WWE Champ.
Bryan says no, no no. “YES!” “YES!” “YES!” from the fans. Bryan asks what happened to Punk, he used to respect Punk, but he’s changed. He calls himself the voice of the voiceless, but now he panders to everyone. There’s a reason why these people are voiceless, they have nothing intelligent to say. Case in point, these people love to yell at Big Show how he sold out, but the biggest sell out in the WWE is Punk.
Punk says, “So says the Superstar in the “YES!” “YES!” “YES!” t-shirt.” Punk gives Bryan a look. Punk says, see that ramp, the stage on top of it? Just about a year ago he sat up there and aired his grievances. He spoke his mind. Ever since then a lot of people pat him on the back. Some say that it was the best promo in RAW’s 1000 episodes. Punk rolls his eyes because most who say that are people who didn’t like Punk when he got here, but he still doesn’t like them. But what’s changed in Punk since he got here? Nothing. He achieved success on his own terms, nor has compromised himself. Bryan can’t say the same thing. Since breaking through that glass ceiling, Bryan has become a self-absorbed, arrogant, insecure, obnoxious, goat faced moron.
Off mic Bryan asks, goat faced?
Punk agrees, goat faced. Punk goes on to say that’s fine as the WWE is always in need of self-absorbed, arrogant, insecure, obnoxious, goat faced morons. If it’s going to be his new thing, more power to him. It’s a bit wordy for a t-shirt, but he wished Bryan well. Whether Bryan likes it or not… “Goat faced!” chants from the fans and Punk stops talking to let them chant. “Whether you like it or not Goat Face…” Punk says he’s giving Bryan a wake up call, when he puts Bryan to sleep.
Fire erupts! Out comes Kane! Kane reminds the two of them who, or what, Kane is. Over the years, among other things, he’s set fire to good ol’ JR, electrocuted Shane McMahon’s testicles, and he’s tombstoned a priest. In other words, his pipebombs are actual pipebombs. That’s why this Sunday he’ll leave with the WWE Championship.
A female voice says, “Stop!” AJ comes out in a Punk shirt telling them to stop, please. Into the ring and she stares them all down. She says Kane, regardless of what he says, she looked into his eyes last week and she saw that deep down, in that tortured soul, he actually has a heart.
“You’ve got to looooove crazy chicks!” says Punk with a very turned on smile on his face! Punk talks with his hands to AJ, off mic, basically saying AJ loves Kane over him? Punk looks a bit confused, somewhat shocked, even looks over his shoulder at the fans for answers to this one. “Crazy chick!” chants and at first AJ appears to pout, but then one eyebrow comes up a tiny bit, the corners of her mouth quirk up just a little and she seems to accept this in an odd way.
AJ tells Bryan that you never truly get over your first love, and she knows she hasn’t. AJ looks like she’s about to cry, but then she rolls her eyes to the left a bit and smiles coyly at Punk. Punk puts on a big grin an while his arms are crossed, he gives her a wave with the fingers of his left hand. He has lust in his eyes for AJ. #GoatFace is trending.
“Punk, you’re just pretty much the coolest guy I’ve ever met in my entire life!” AJ says so fast it’s a surprise she doesn’t stumble over the words.
Bryan asks AJ what the point of all this is.
She says the point of this is that Sunday, she knows the best man will win. Then AJ clasps the mic in front of her, rolls on her feet a bit and looks around coyly at all three of the men in the ring.
“Attention. Over here,” says Laurinaitis. They all look at the tron. Laurinaitis says, in the name of People Power, they’re going to see a match never before seen in the world. A Tag Match. Bryan and Kane, put your differences aside for one night, as they will be facing the team of Punk, and AJ. Laurinaitis gives a huge grin, as if this is a wonderful thing. Bryan looks thrilled, AJ scared, Punk confused and Kane looks at them all showing little. Bryan keeps laughing as he leaves the ring. AJ looks imploringly at Punk.
VKM threatening to fire Laurinaitis. Then VKM sends Laurinaitis’ Jazzy off the stage.
King and Cole promote Dominos and how to track your pizza.
Elimination Fatal 4 Way Match for #1 Contendership – Christian vs Khali vs Dolph vs Swagger
Christian out to the ring. Cole talks about Christian’s Facebook page. Khali out next. Cole says Khali is the reason they’re having this match. EXCUSE ME! EXCUSE ME! Vickie out in black pants and a black tanks with sparkles, announces Dolph, then Swagger.
They all look around, then Khali takes down Swagger, then Dolph, then a slap to Christian’s chest in a corner. Dolph pushed down, then a slap to Swagger in a corner. Dolph onto the ropes and slapped. Head butt to Dolph. Khali puts Dolph face first intoa corner. Khali pounds Dolph in the head with Swagger’s head! Slap to Swagger’s chest. Chop blocks to Khali by Swagger, drop kick from Dolph. 5 star frog splash and the three of them pin Khali together. Khali eliminated.
Christian blocks a blow, then on Dolph. Blows to Dolph and Swagger, but a drop kick drops Christian. Dolph yells at Swagger and they double team Christian, but they can’t get the three. Dolph screams at Swagger, Vickie slaps Christian. Swagger holds Christian, Dolph hits him. Christian and Swagger end up sending Dolph over the top and out. Christian and Swagger fight. Christian into a corner. Back elbow, then Christian to the second ropes, then an upper cut. Dolph in and pins Christian for two. Dolph whipped, Swagger sent into him. Christian reverses from of Swagger, but ends up eating the mat. Sunset flip on Swagger for two. Ankle lock on Christian, but he can’t get to the ropes. Christian rolls through sending Swagger into a corner. Killswitch, but then Dolph in and pins Swagger for three.
Dolph celebrates and Christian brings him down, but only for two. Dolph grabs Christian’s ankle, but Christian back with a flapjack on Dolph for two. Drop kick on a kneeling Christian for two. Dolph on Christian’s ankle, then stomps Christian’s other ankle. Christian kicks free. High elbow, then a clothesline to Dolph. Dolph on Christian with a sleeper, but Christian free and nails a big right. Christian sets up, but can’t spear for his ankle. Snake eyes to Dolph. Then a spear, but only for two! Christian gets the fans going for him. Dolph reverses and hits the zig-zag for a long two!
Christian ducks Dolph, slams Dolph, but only for two! Christian on the apron, limps, then climbs as the fans chant for him. Christian ends up jumping over Dolph, favors the ankle. Zig-zag and Dolph gets three!
Winner – Dolph (12:21)
“About damn time!” yells Dolph over and over. Vickie and Dolph up the ramp. Sheamus is there. Dolph looks at the belt. Sheamus poses with the belt high, showing that he’s the dominant man.
Natalya talking to VKM about doing the family thing again? All of them? It was fun and so special. Natalya wants to meet him back there in a few minutes. He leaves rolling his eyes. The Funkadactyls up dancing at VKM. They want VKM to override Laurinaitis. VKM won’t do it. They know VKM can get funky! “Somebody call my Mama!” yells VKM, then the lights change and he dances with the girls! He’s left with his arms crossed. He straightens his tie, they leave. Ryder is standing there with his mouth hung open. “Woo woo woo, You know it!” says VKM, then he walks off. Ryder takes off his sunglasses as VKM walks off.
Ryback vs Willard Fillmore & Rutherford Hayes
Ryback out to the ring first! Unlike the schmucks who had to wait for Ryan, he has to wait for them, says the two jobbers. They are the Commander In Chiefs. They’re going to send Ryback packing out of Hartford, faster than the Whalers! They get some heat for this.
The tiny guys get in the ring. One slammed down, then again, then a third time. He wants the other one, but he leaves the ring. He tries to flee, but Ryback from the ring and cuts the little guy off with a sick clothesline! Ryback picks the boy up and sends him over the top rope. Cole says that Ryback is impeaching Fillmore and Hayes. “Goldberg!” chants from the fans as Ryback picks them both up, marches, then slams them down. Ryback pins them for three.
Winner – Ryback (1:41)
Video of the high points – most of the match. “Feed me more!” chants Ryback, then he says, “Done!” on stage before leaving.
Hornswoggle and VKM watching Hornswoggle playing JR last week on Smackdown, laughing. Hornswoggle is wearing a cowboy hat. VKM says he’s going to give Hornswoggle some tips. He takes the hat from Hornswoggle head and it falls down over VKM’s eyes. He comments on Hornswoggle having a big head. VKM then screws up his face and yells “Stone Cold! Stone Cold! Stone Cold!” VKM gives the hat back. Hornswoggle leaves and the fans can be heard chanting, “JR!”
Cena walks in to see VKM. Cena says Laurinaitis is awful and they both know it. The sooner Laurinaitis’ out of a job, the better. VKM thanks him, but says maybe he shouldn’t be giving management advice, he didn’t do all that well at WrestleMania. He lost to the Rock. Cena thanked him for watching. So WrestleMania wins and losses are how they measure success? Okay, so VKM loses to Hogan, Hart, HBK, Shane, did he lose to Snooki or was that someone else? VKM doesnt’ want to talk about that. Let’s talk this Sunday. Can he stop Big Show? He’d better not run down to help Kofi. At NWO, Cena will handle his business. He spoke to Kofi, tonight Kofi will handle his business. Peaking of handling business, VKM needs to handle business with Laurinaitis tonight. He might still be upset about Trump shaving his head, but he should be upset about him stealing his catch phrase. They belong to VKM. How about he use them tonight. VKM says he’ll consider it. Cena leaves.
Otunga in and says he knows what VKM said about lawyers, but technically he only practices law when he’s… VKM says no one likes a sycophant. No one has any respect for someone who would pucker up and kiss another man’s behind. The camera pans over to show Regal sitting on the sofa! He puckers his lips and looks away.
Steel Cage Match – Kofi Kingston vs Big Show
Kofi out to the ring. Video of R-Truth being punched out backstage. Kofi in the ring looking more focused than usual. Backstage Big Show is heading to the ring.
Otunga will face Funkasaurus on the NWO pre-show.
Kofi’s music is still playing. Big Show’s music hits and he comes out in his new shirt at hat, looking very surly. He stops to stare at someone holding a sign that says, “Big Sellout” Big Show continues to the cage, slowly, staring at fans.
Kofi attacks Big Show as he tries to climb over the rope. Kofi is pushed away. Blows on Kofi, then he slammed into the cage. He throws his shirt out over the top. Blows to Big Show, but one blow drops Kofi. Big Show picks Kofi up and slams him to the mat. Kofi uses the ropes to get up, but Big Show pushes Kofi’s head through the ropes and grinds his head into the cage. Kofi slammed into the cage and flies back. Big Show stands on Kofi, using the ropes to hold most of his weight.
Big Show picks up Kofi by his hair, then up in his arms and slams Kofi back first into the cage. Big Show yells about no more smiles and not entertaining them. Big Show gets HUGE heat for this. Kofi picked up and again slammed back first into the cage. “You suck!” chants for Big Show. Kofi on his knees tries to hit Big Show, gets a few blows, but then kicks to Kofi’s ribs. Big Show back to yelling at the fans about smiling and entertaining.
Kofi trying to pull himself up, kicks at Big Show while lolling on the mat. Big Show back to yelling at the fans who yell back. Kofi pulled up by one arm and whipped. “You can’t stop me!” yells Big Show to the fans. “Get out of my face!” Big Show runs into double feet from Kofi. Big Show throws Kofi high into the cage, so Kofi climbs. Kofi slammed back to the mat, but then hits trouble in paradise on Big Show and gets a two count for it! Big Show throws Kofi off him in a big way. Kofi looks shocked.
Kofi tries to go out the door, but Big Show drags Kofi back in. Kofi kicks Big Show off the foot he was holding. Kofi tries again and is pulled back in. A knockout blow from Big Show and the fans are hot at Big Show in a huge way. The ref says Kofi can’t continue. Big Show finally goes over the ropes, out to the stairs, then stands there with one foot hovering over the floor. He steps out with one foot, then slowly the other.
Winner – Big Show (7:33)
Big Show up the ramp, turns, looks at the fans and waves his hand in front of his face, ala Cena, before leaving. Backstage Laurinaitis is watching on the monitor smiling in his plastic way, nodding. The trainer is into the ring checking on Kofi. Laurinaitis’ fake smile breaks open to show teeth.
Sin Cara vs Curt Hawkins
Sin Cara to the ring. Hawkins is already ringside. Cole talks about how Hawkins wants Laurinaitis to keep his job because of what he’s done for Hawkins.
They lock up. Hawkins on SK’s arm. Back and forth with arm bars and hammer locks. SK hits s slingshot flip, then somehow slams Hawkins to the mat. A corkscrew plancha on Hawkins outside. Hawkins then trips SK and slides him from the ring. Hawkins yells about the lights, then they’re back in and a clothesline on SK for two. Abdominal stretch on SK. SK flips around Hawkins body, then flies around hitting a back elbow and a slingshot arm drag. SK stomps Hawkins’ hand.
I hear a male fan clearly who yells, “Get me Mysterio right now! This (either man, or f***ing) sucks!”
An arm drag from standing on the top rope. Hawkins swings wildly and misses, then SK plants Hawkins face first on the mat for three.
Winner – Sin Cara (2:29)
Video of high points of the match. SK celebrates in the ring and on the apron.
Clips from Backstage Fallout.
There’s now a countdown clock for Laurinaitis. There’s about 37 minutes left.
Bryan is stretching and VKM comes up to him. He slaps Bryan on his back and wishes him luck. Bryan is shocked and didn’t think VKM would like someone like him. VKM wants his opinion. If he was walking down the street with groceries, no only would no one peg him as a WWE Superstar, they wouldn’t think he was a former Champ. Now, about this Laurinaitis thing…
Bryan says he was fired from this company once and ended up proving him wrong. That being said, they do have a lot in common. They’re both self-made success stories. They defy expectations.
VKM says he has a point, but unlike the time it took Bryan to lose his Title at WrestleMania, VKM doesn’t think he’s finished anything in 18 seconds. He’ll let Bryan think about that. Bryan looked unhappy and shook his head.
1,000th RAW promo. January 11, 1993 – The very first RAW. Dolph talks about how great it was and how at age 12-13, he and his friends talked about it. He’d get home and watch it loud. His favorite was Bobby ‘the Brain’ Heenan, how he tried to get in different ways. You never knew what would happen next!
Slater vs Vader
Justin announces that the next match, arranged by Laurinaitis, features a former RAW main eventer in honor of the 1,000th RAW. Slater takes the mic and asks why are they celebrating former RAW Superstars anyway? There’s a current RAW Superstar right in front of your face. He’s the one man time, baby! It’s his time, baby! It’s his time! It’s Slater time, baby! Then the music hit saying, it’s time, it’s time… It’s Vader time! Slater looked like he was going to be ill! Vader comes out at 435lbs! The fans are wild for Vader. Cole talks Vader’s history in the WWE. King comments on how he looks exactly the same.
“Vader!” chants fill the arena! There’s someone in the stands with a Darth Vader sign, so someone knew he was going to be there. They lock up and Slater is pushed back. Then again. “Let’s go Vader!” chants fill the place. They lock up, Slater backed into a corner and punched like a bag. Slater comes back with blows, but runs into a big blow that drops him. Another big blow drops Slater again. “You still got it!” chants. Vader pins Slater for two. Beautiful suplex on Slater for two. Punches to Slater, but onoe misses. Slater keeps rushing Vader, but can’t knock him down. Slater picks Vader, but can’t hold him, so he falls back with Vader on top, so Vader takes the two.
“Vader time!” chants. Slater keep trying with Vader but eats a belly-to-belly. Vader points up and slowly climbs. Slater takes the Vader bomb for three!
Winner – Vader (3:32)
#VaderTime is trending. Vader is posing and taking in the love from the fans.
B. A. Star – Otunga and Steph went to a Hartford school to talk to the kids about bullying.
AJ is freaking out. Punk says not to worry. This is Laurinaitis trying to get to Punk, not her. This will just be a glorified handicap match. Punk says unlike Bryan and Kane, they can trust each other. AJ then says, “And we really, really like each other!” with an adoring smile up at Punk. Punk agrees to this. Punk says to do what he says, stay on the apron and it goes against her fiber, but don’t do anything crazy. She agrees, kisses him on the cheek and bounces off. Punk lets out a huge sigh and shows his worry.
Punk & AJ vs Kane & Bryan
The arena is dark, then fire erupts. Kane out to the ring in his over mask, then calls fire from the corners. Video of Kane facing Sheamus last week on Smackdown. ADR got involved and caused the DQ. AJ out giving eyes to Kane, but then Kane turned into a brogue kick and AJ bounced up the ramp. Bryan out to the ring to join his partner. Punk’s music and he comes out with AJ. AJ is in her ring gear, but with her Punk shirt on top. Punk to the apron, and he calls AJ up to join him here. He talks to her, then he gets in the ring.
Kane knees Punk in the ribs. Punk kicks Kane when he telegraphs. Punk is whipped, but then moves and hits a high knee, but pushed off the bulldog. Punk into a big boot. Bryan in and kicking away at Punk. AJ glares. Chinlock on Punk. Into a side headlock and Punk free. High knee and then swinging neck breaker to AJ. High knee in the corner on Bryan, then Punk hits a pretty fast scoop slam. Not as fast at Joe or Orton, but pretty solid. Punk climbs, points, but misses his Savage elbow. Both are down and Bryan tags out. Punk reaches, then realizes he can’t tag out.
Kane on Punk, slams Punk back into his corner, into AJ and the ref calls this a tag. AJ’s eyes are huge! The ref won’t let Kane go after Punk as he’s not the legal man. The ref backs Kane off as AJ slowly gets in the ring. She looks at the ref, then faces Kane. She looks up at him and smiles. She looks up at Kane adoringly, then skips around him. AJ circles Kane a couple times, skipping the whole way. Then she stops behind Kane. He turns and she jumps up on Kane. She wraps her arms around his neck, her legs around his waist and looks at him with an adoring smile. Then AJ leans in and plants one on Kane! She is all over him, but he stands with his arms stiff at his sides. “YES!” “YES!” “YES!” chants. She pulls back and looks at Kane. He looks very confused, doesn’t move. She slides down his body to her feet. He tags out and leaves the ringside area!
Bryan rushes in and AJ backs into her corner, running into Punk and tagging out according to the ref. A punch from Punk, from the apron, and Bryan hits the mat. Punk up top, hits his Savage elbow and gets the three.
Winners – AJ & Punk (5:36)
AJ is kneeling in the ring, looking over at Punk. Punk has his arm raised. Kane looks down at the ring, at AJ. AJ bounces to the center of the ring and plops down with her legs crossed, exactly as Punk does. Punk is looking from Kane to AJ. Bryan is outside the ring, by the apron on announce side and AJ looks at him, smiles, looks dreamy, then looks up to the top of the arena. AJ then looks over at Punk. She smiles at Punk, then away. Punk is still looking between Kane and AJ. AJ looks up at Kane, then away. She smiles and looks around in a dreamy way.
In Ring Segment
VKM out to the ring with a whole crew of security in tow. He says he’s always had a warm stop in his heart for the state of Connecticut. In fact he lives in this state and Steph was born in Hartford. Huge pop. It’s only poetic that since one life began in Hartford, another should end, at least professionally. The fans love this. Without his scooter, Laurinaitis come on down. The music didn’t hit immediately, so VKM yells that he doesn’t have all night. Laurinaitis comes down on his crutch, looking over at his scooter. Video of VKM sending the Jazzy off the stage. Laurinaitis pathetically into the ring. Laurinaitis says he doesn’t appreciate what he did to his scooter. And VKM doesn’t need these security guards. No matter VKM’s decision, he’d never put his hands on VKM. VKM says that in addition to being a horrible businessman, Laurinaitis’ a comedian. These security, they’re not for VKM, they’re for Laurinaitis. See, they’re going to walk a certain someone out of this ring, right out of this arena, and right out of his business! The fans love this!
Laurinaitis tells VKM to not make a decision he’ll regret. He thinks his actions tonight speak for themselves. Laurinaitis says they should look at what Laurinaitis has done for the WWE brand. RAW and Smackdown have become destination TV. He’ll be needed, especially when RAW goes to three hours. VKM needs him, the fans need him. The fans there didn’t agree with that. Please, do the right thing for each of the WWE ‘Universe’, for himself and for the WWE, by allowing Laurinaitis to keep in charge and running the era of People Power.
VKM says People Power? Those two words are synonymous with Laurinaitis. VKM has two words that are synonymous with him as well. VKM smiles. “John Laurinaitis…”
Big Show’s music cuts VKM off. Laurinaitis turns and looks at Big Show coming down to the ring. Over the top and in, then Big Show says VKM is giving Laurinaitis a job review and he wants to help. Laurinaitis has made a few mistakes. The one thing Laurinaitis has done right is give Big Show an iron clad contract which means that he can say and do anything he wants to. Big Show smiles. He knows VKM could fire Big Show, couldn’t he. If he fired Big Show, he’d have to pay Big Show millions of dollars a year, per year to do nothing, for a long time. We all know VKM doesn’t pay anything without getting something. Don’t get mad at Laurinaitis. It’s not his fault. They both know who’s fault this is. Every stupid costume he’s had to wear. Every movie, appearance. Every time he’s made Sports Center with Shaq. Mayweather, Rothlessberger. What is the one thing that all has in common? VKM! He did everything VKM asked him to! VKM wouldn’t let him be a giant. Why? Giants are scary! He had to entertain! Nobody wants to see a big, angry giant. With his new contract, he doesn’t have to be part of VKM’s dog and pony show, does he? He can be what he really is, a giant.
Don’t worry so much about Laurinaitis, he should be more worried about the other John. “Cena!” chants. He should be worried about his golden boy, his golden goose, his white knight, the cash cow! At NWO, VKM’s golden goose is going to get his feathers plucked! See, at NWO, he’ll prove that Laurinaitis…
Cena’s music cuts Big Show off. Cena out, salutes, then to the ring with a smile on his face. Cena in and shakes VKM’s hand. Cena says Hartford, home of the Whale. Always exciting. He could stay out there with them all night, but he’s there on official business. He’s finally going to get to the bottom of all this. First he blamed Cena for not blaming him, then the fans for not caring, now VKM for making him do all this entertaining stuff. What, the next show McDonald’s for putting chicken nuggets on sale? Big Show isn’t happy. Cena says the sad this is the guy who is guilty, that chain smoking cripple right there who was stupid enough to back up a dump truck of money to Big Show’s house. Brilliant decision Johnny! All they’ve heard since is Big Show complain. 14 years, force to entertain. 14 years of a joke, but now because of Johnny – and Big Show said this himself – he can finally be a giant? Cena looks Big Show up from the feet. Wait, this might mess his brain up a bit, but he’s always been a giant! For 14 years he’s been seven feet. For 14 years he’s been 500lbs. Fir 14 years he’s been here, why now? What’s so different? Cena figured it out. For once, everything revolves around Big Show. The stars have aligned and he has what he wants. He has the contract he wants. He has management behind him. Match he wants. The opponent he wants. Seriously, look at this, there’s not an odds maker alive who would say Cena’s the favorite. Big Show’s stacked it so high in his favor that he put himself in a match he can win, he should win. According to Big Show, he’s going to give Cena a beating he can’t come back from. Big Show nods. Cena asks Big Show what happens if he doesn’t. Does he realize what he’s set himself up for. If he doesn’t win, he can’t make any excuses any more. If Big Show doesn’t destroy Cena at NWO, there’s no one left to blame. If Big Show doesn’t pummel Cena, then no way anyone will look at him as the world’s largest athlete, he will be the world’s largest disappointment. Oh, here’s the kicker, with that new contract he has to show up every week and look and listen to these people calling him what he is, a sellout!
What happens if he doesn’t win? VKM says he’ll tell us what happens. VKM will be ringside for this. He’ll be seated next to Big Johnny. If Big Show’s the disappointment, what many people, including VKM figured he was going to be. After he loses, he’d going to have the mic and he’s going to say those famous to words to Big Show’s pall here.
Big Show grabs Cena by the neck. Security pulls them apart. Both Big Show and Cena throw them all off, punch them all down. Cena rushes Big Show and jumps on his back, then throwing blows at Big Show. Laurinaitis tries to grab Cena from behind, but VKM grabs Laurinaitis and throws him down. Big Show throws a punch. No clue who it was for, but Big Show punches out VKM. It could have been for Cena, but he was turned away and almost under Big Show’s other armpit. Laurinaitis, acting like he can’t stands yells at Big Show to go, get out of there. Cena demands to know why VKM wasn’t moving. Cena is standing there shocked looking down at a trainer tending to VKM. Cena’s eyes were huge in shock of VKM on the mat.
Most absurd mess