RAW this week starts with a video for Memorial Day. The show is dedicated to the men and women of the Armed Forces.
Recap of Over The Limit, all Laurinaitis has done since becoming Executive Vice President of Talent Relations and permanent General Manager for RAW and Smackdown, that Cena was having so much fun at OTL, then Big Show got involved after crying and getting fired. And don’t forget about Laurinaitis’ horrible ring gear at OTL! Then Big Show took out Cena and Laurinaitis got the win. Big Show sold out. Big Show got mouthy about crying and complaining about getting no sympathy. After RAW last week Cena left the brawl and headed backstage only to get knocked out. This video covered every bit of all that and took too much time to do it.
In Ring Segment
Big Show to the ring in a suit, sans tie. Huge heat for Big Show and he smiles. He says this is him doing his job. This is him smiling! Then it’s gone. It was easy making them smile. He didn’t mind doing it. It was a calculated business decision and made a living at it. He’s a businessman who also was a giant. “WHAT?” That’s so nice. He doesn’t have to do that because he has an iron clad contract.
“CENA!” chants fill the arena.
He has an iron clad contract with a big, fat bonus. He’s set for life. He can do whatever he wants, whenever, to whoever and doesn’t have to worry about putting smiles on the fans’ faces. He’s 7 feet tall, 441lbs, he’s a giant! Face it, there’s no one in his league. No helmeted, shoulder padded 4 month out of the year NFL player. No toothpicked, noodle armed NBA player. No phony UFC so-called fighter. Certainly no one in the WWE in his league. That might be why no Superstars came to his defense. When he was on his knees, begging for his job. Just minutes after, this happened. Video of Funkasaurus dancing in the ring.
His tears were not even dry in the ring and Clay is out there dancing! DANCING! Kofi and R-Truth, the two he thought were his friends were clapping along. It was easy to just move on.
Big Show tells the fans they’re so shallow. HUGE heat for this. So phoney. After all that there’s one guy who disappointed him more than anyone. Cena. When he saw Cena in the ring, he thought Cena would fight for Big Show, for his friends. Threaten a locker room mutiny unless Laurinaitis hired him back on the spot. Instead Cena did this.
Video of Cena yelling ‘loser’ in Laurinaitis’ face.
Cena made jokes. Guess that’s all he is to Cena and us, a big joke. Cena hurt him when he decided he didn’t care. Last week he hurt Cena. He knocked Cena out twice within 24 hours. What he’s going to do to Cena at NWO. Cena won’t be across the ring from a businessman. He’ll be across the ring from a giant. Think Cena suffered his greatest loss against Rocky? Think Cena got the beating of his life from Brock? Think Cena had the most embarrassing moment losing to Laurinaitis. At NWO Cena will experience them all in one night. That puts a smile on Big Show’s face. Yet he doesn’t really smile. Big Show leaves the ring and up the ramp, the camera right with him the whole time.
Santino is stretching and getting ready to face ADR.
Santino taking Ricardo apart last week on RAW. Santino got the win with the cobra.
Santino vs ADR w/ Ricardo (0:50)
Ricardo announces ADR out in a Bentley Continental Custom. Santino out in his normal silly fashion.
ADR on Santino with kicks. Blows to the head on the mat. The ref pulls ADR off. Santino into a corner as the fans chant for Santino. Hip toss, then head drop to ADR. Cobra out already, but Santino is kicked in the gut. The cross arm breaker and Santino taps out.
Winner – ADR
ADR rips the cobra off and Ricardo announces ADR the winner in Santino’s face, over and over. The cobra stuffed in Santino’s mouth. ADR and Ricardo celebrate on the ramp. Santino still on the mat.
Riley is hitting on Eve. Big Show up and Eve says Laurinaitis liked Big Show in the mic. She tells Big Show he can pick his opponent tonight. Riley talks up Big Show, really nervous. Big Show tells Riley to relax, it won’t be him. But Big Show does want to send a message to the locker room. Big Show slams Riley into the cinder block wall. Riley crumbles to the floor and Big Show walks away as if it was nothing.
Tag Team Title Match – Kofi & R-Truth (C) vs Swagger & Dolph (7:05)
Kofi and R-Truth to the ring. EXCUSE ME! EXCUSE ME! EXCUSE ME! In a horrible shorts jumper – you’d have to see it to believe it! Dolph and Swagger out to the ring.
Swagger backs Kofi into a corner, but Kofi back with a drop kick. R-Truth in and they double team hip toss. R-Truth dances around, then drops a leg for one. R-Truth runs the ropes, dances, then ducks Swagger from the ring. Dolph in and double teamed. They both baseball slide Dolph from the apron.
Swagger with Kofi’s arms wrenched back on the mat. “Kofi!” chants. Swagger with Kofi in the heel corner. Kofi attacks both, but then Swagger gains control. Dolph attacks from outside. Swagger slams Kofi to the mat. Dolph tags in and drops an elbow for two. Arm hold on Kofi on the mat. Cole talks about Vickie’s dress, but it’s shorts. Kofi into a corner but moves before Dolph’s splash. Kofi makes the tag, as does Dolph. A couple kicks to Swagger, then R-Truth rolls him up. DDT to Swagger, but Dolph breaks up the pin. Dolph is taken out by Kofi being thrown over by R-Truth. R-Truth reverses Swagger, then hits a DDT on Swagger for three.
Winners – Kofi & R-Truth
Kofi and R-Truth celebrate. Video of the high points. Dolph is yelling at Swagger that it’s all his fault. He’s tired of this! Dolph walks off from the ring with Vickie screeching and Swagger being all pissy.
Santino is being walked backstage by a trainer. Big Show steps up. The trainer says Santino is hurt, but then he flees. Big Show says he gets to pick his opponent tonight. Maybe it should be Santino. Big Show wraps a hand around Santino’s face, cutting off his breathing. Big Show all over Santino about thinking things are funny. Are they funny now? Clay steps up and says he knows Big Show been saying things, why not to his face? Clay tells Big Show to pick him. Big Show says okay, but forget about dancing, Clay won’t be walking. Big Show leaves and Funkasaurus dancers step up looking nervous.
In Ring Segment
Laurinaitis out to the ring on his Jazzy, Otunga and Eve in tow. Cole reads through his fake injuries. Laurinaitis to his feet and uses the crutch to get to the stairs and to the ring, grimacing the whole time. Eve helps him, Otunga holds the ropes for Laurinaitis and Eve. My name is John Laurinaitis, Executive Vice President of Talent Relations and General Manager for RAW and Smackdown. He has several announcements. Tonight Big Show will face Clay. To ensure no interference in the match at NWO between Cena and Big Show will be in a steel cage. Since beating Cena, Laurinaitis is the most popular Superstar in history. Proof? As we all know WWE 13 will be released October 30th. There’s been questions about who will be on the cover. It should be someone who embodies the true spirit of the WWE. The true spirit of People Power. The show a cover with him on it. He says it will be bigger than Pac-Man.
Punk’s music hits. Punk comes out, leaves his gum on the seat of Laurinaitis’ Jazzy, then into the ring. Punk looks at the 13 cover and laughs as the “CM Punk!” chants fill the arena. Pac-Man, huh? Timely reference, but makes sense as neither have testicles. Punk says Laurinaitis isn’t popular at all. Being on the cover of WWE 13 is prestegius. The person on it is a whole hell of a lot better looking than Laurinaitis. Pyro above the ring, then the real cover unfurls with Punk on it!
Punk has never had a chance to tell Laurinaitis to his face – his is a whole hell of a lot bigger than Laurinaitis’! Laurinaitis’ jaw tighten up and he glares down his nose and Punk in one of his two favorite facial expressions. He sees Eve looking at it. A wrestling video game with an actual wrestler featured on the cover, what a concept. Laurinaitis’ business is done. He can take the hoeski and Carlton and get out of his ring. Laurinaitis is now going to trying to put him in a handicapped, gauntlet, lumberjack, no DQ, falls count anywhere match that’s never been done before, right? Nope. He has to beat Bryan, so get out of his ring. The Board of Directors have their eye on Laurinaitis and he doesn’t want to give them any more ammo to FIRE at him. Laurinaitis glares. Laurinaitis then tells Punk good luck and hobbles off. Leaving the ring Laurinaitis makes all of his fake grimace faces to show how much pain he’s in. Otunga takes the gum off the seat before Laurinaitis sits.
In the ring Punk takes Laurinaitis’ game cover, sets it up in a corner and stomps his foot into Laurinaitis’ face. Punk then turns and looks back at Laurinaitis.
Punk vs Bryan (15:26)
King and Cole are talking about the new video game. Stacy just noticed that Cole and King are in opposite seats! That’s odd. Bryan to the ring yelling “YES!” “YES!” “YES!” Video of Bryan attacking Kane with a chair on Smackdown last week. Bryan cost Kane the match.
Arm hold on Punk, then headlock on Punk. Shoulder block to Punk. Running ropes, then hip toss and arm bar on Bryan. “CM Punk!” chants. Punk gets creative with the hold. Bryan flips Punk on to the mat to reverse the hold, then set up Punk’s arm and stomped his elbow, jamming his wrist. Punk elbows free. Bryan goes for a Thesz Press, but it reversed and slammed to the mat. Knee drops, over and over, to Bryan’s ribs for two. Body scissors on Bryan on the mat. Punk rolls Bryan, winds up Bryan’s legs, then rolls Bryan up onto Punk’s knees in a hold. Bryan free and then jackknives Punk. Punk bridges out. Back breaker to Bryan for two.
Punk hangs Bryan up, across the gut, up top. Bryan then hangs Punk’s arm up top. Bryan comes off the top rope with a knee to Punk’s head. Bryan sends Punk flying from the ring. Baseball slide, but Punk’s not there. Punk bounces off the ropes and onto Bryan. AJ comes out to the ring. Punk looks at AJ while sending Bryan back into the ring.
Punk is stomping Bryan in a corner. AJ is leaning her arms and chin on the apron. Bryan reverses a suplex. Punk reverses a whip. Bryan flips over. Punk tries to fly but Bryan pushes him away. Low drop kick to Punk’s face. Bryan back on Punk’s arm, bending it in a sick way! Kicks to Bryan’s side, but Bryan slams Punk’s arm hard onto Bryan’s shoulder.
Bryan yells “YES!” “YES!” “YES!” then a running drop kick to Punk’s head in a corner for two. Punk kicks at Bryan’s leg, but byr back on that left arm. Snap suplex on Punk, still holding that arm, Bryan bridges a pin for two. Bryan still on that arm on the mat, straddling Punk. AJ is in a Punk t-shirt. Punk with blows to Bryan, but Bryan hangs that arm up on his shoulder again. Bryan rushes Punk, but Punk sends Bryan flipping. Sick sounding kicks to Bryan, then Bryan runs into a kick to the jaw. Swinging neck breaker to Bryan for two. Cole says AJ is strange. Punk’s high knee in the corner. Bryan kicks at Punk who ducks. Punk pins for two. Bryan to a corner, but free and Punk off the top rope with a flying clothesline for two. AJ stares blankly.
Punk climbs, points, but Bryan hits the ropes and Punk drops to a sitting position. Bryan climbs and sets up. Bryan hits a beautiful superplex on Punk for two. Bryan over to remove buckle covering as AJ tries to tell the ref. Bryan yells at AJ to stay out of his life. Punk kicks Bryan in the head for two. Punk rushes Bryan, but is elevated and Punk into that exposed buckle. Bryan pins for three.
Winner – Bryan
“YES!” “YES!” “YES!” from Bryan, AJ looks petulant. But then Kane into the ring with a chair. Kane attacks Bryan with the chair, then a chokeslam on the chair. AJ slides a chair in to Punk as Kane turns to attack him. Punk uses the chair on Kane, sending him from the ring. AJ has all eyes for Punk. She smiles a bit. Punk then looks back at AJ, then at the chair, then to AJ. She looks coyly, tucking her hair back, smiling a bit.
Christian vs Miz (4:21)
Christian out to the ring to a nice pop. Cole talks about Jericho not being there due to what happened in Brazil. King won’t talk about it, sends fans to dot.com. Cody is at announce talking about losing to Christian. Miz out to face him.
Just before the bell I saw a huge sign, right in front that said, “We Want Regal” They lock up, kick to Christian. Miz runs the ropes and into a shoulder block. Sunset flip to Miz, but kiz on Christian hard. Christian into a corner and Miz on him with blows. Cody says Christian is on fence between classic and contemporary – he’s old. Miz’s running clothesline in the corner. Miz climbs and flies onto Christian for two. Chinlock on Christian on the mat. Christian on Miz, but Miz with his neck, then back breaker. Miz with a chinlock on Christian on the mat. Shoulder blocks to Christian in a corner. Christian off the corner with a missile drop kick for two. Christian over the top and out to slap Miz through the ropes. Christian slams Miz, then tries for the spear, but eats a big boot for two. Blows on Christian in a corner. Miz rushes Christian in a corner and eats double feet. Flying upper cut to Miz. Cody leaves his seat and Christian almost loses by distraction. Miz misses the SCF. Christian misses the killswitch. Christian on Miz in a corner, then hits the killswitch. Christian climbs and hits the 5 star frog splash for three.
Winner – Christian
Cody standing on the ramp, by the stage, stares down at Christian in the ring.
Laurinaitis says he has to talk to Eve and Otunga privately. Eve tells Teddy to get her coffee. Teddy is wearing a frilly white apron with a big ‘Hello, my name is Teddy’ sticker covering his chest. Otunga motions with his ever present travel mug and says he’s fine.
Laurinaitis says he’s disappointed in both of them. Otunga tapped out to the STF, Laurinaitis was in it twice at OTL and he didn’t tap. Laurinaitis tells him to find intestinal fortitude. Eve was in charge of Smackdown and did Sheamus apologize. Laurinaitis won’t be in this job forever. In ten or twenty years he may want to retire and he needs people in place he can count on.
Laurinaitis leaves and Teddy returns with her coffee. Eve takes a sip and spits it out on Teddy, then yells that it’s cold. She throws the rest at Teddy, then stomps off. Teddy tightly says it’s supposed to be cold, it’s iced coffee.
In Ring Segment
Miz is still in the ring. He wants that match stricken from the record books, and why not? He’s the one who made the pinfall for Team Johnny, but where is he? He’s not on the cover of the game. Where’s his championship match? He’s not leaving the ring until he gets…
Orton’s music and he walks directly to the ring. Into the ring and Miz tells him if he gets in the ring, you know what Miz will do to… RKO! Orton poses on a corner.
Dolph and Vickie are watching the monitor. Vickie is in the same horrid jumper, but Dolph is in a black suit with a light orange deep V t-shirt on under it, his hair slicked back into a low ponytail. Vickie wants to make him happy? Get him out of this tag team. He wants him to be that in the ring – meaning Orton.
Back to Orton posing in the ring. King and Cole are talking about Big Show facing Clay and how Clay’s had 22 straight matches and 22 straight wins.
Sheamus heading for the ring.
King says whether you like Cena or not, one thing you can’t deny is his patriotism. Video of Cena talking about patriotism. Cena talks about the Armed Forces and how great they are. In the WWE, one of his greatest privileges is performing in Iraq, Afghanistan, military bases. They never waiver, they continue to define what it means to live in the land of the free and the home of the brave. On this Memorial Day we remember all they have done for us. Let’s pause in gratitude as we say, thank you. Back to the show and there’s many service men and women in the audience.
Otunga vs Sheamus (2:48)
Otunga out in his little cape, then throws it off and poses on stage before heading for the ring. Sheamus out to the ring to solid pop. Video from Smackdown when it looked like Orton would pin Kane, ADR attacked and got the win to become #1 contender for Sheamus’ World Heavyweight Championship.
Otunga kicks Sheamus in the gut, then kicks at him. Blows back on Otunga, then a big clothesline. On on the apron, Sheamus over, but Otunga hangs him up top. Otunga back in and lifted, but wiggles free. Clothesline to Sheamus for one. Forearms to Sheamus on the mat for two. Then for one. Then for one again. Otunga on Sheamus in a corner. Otunga poses to heat. Sheamus whipped, but comes out with clotheslines. Otunga over onto the apron to get Sheamus’ ten forearms over the ropes. Otunga back in and eats white noise. Sheamus pounds his chest and hits the brogue kick (much off base, looking to be the middle of Otunga’s chest, no where near his head) for three.
Winner – Sheamus
Sheamus celebrates. Video of the brogue kick and it still looks really off.
Funkasaurus and his dancers are heading to the ring, all smiles and dancing.
Cole and King recap that Cena will be facing Big Show in a Steel Cage Match at No Way Out. Video from Cena, Laurinaitis and Big Show from the start of RAW, slightly shorter.
Funkasaurus vs Big Show (5:49)
Funkasaurus out in black with red trim. His dancers in red. They all dance in the ring, pyro and everything. Big Show out with a new shirt. He has a mic and says he’s a big fan of Clay’s. He thought he was a sellout when he put on a diaper and wrestled Akebono. Big Show does embarrassing things for business, Funkasaurus does it nightly! After they’re sick of seeing Funkasaurus dance, then he can get some makeup and become the next Doink. The difference between Funkasaurus and Doink is that Doink had actually talent.
Big Show spears Clay ringside. Big Show kicks Clay in the ribs. Off comes Big Show shirt, then another kick to the ribs. Against the barrier a big slap to Clay’s chest. Clay fights back, but then he’s slammed into the post. Another kick to Clay’s ribs. Clay to his feet and back first into the post. The dancers are holding each other in the ring, shocked and scared at what they were witnessing. Another kick to Clay. HUGE heat for Big Show who looks at the fans. Big Show over to announce, starts disassembling the table, removed the shield.
Kofi runs down the ramp, up onto the stairs and flies at Big Show, but he’s easily caught as if he weighs nothing. Big Show tosses Kofi at R-Truth who was rushing him. King and Cole well out of the way, then Big Show stomps through the table, right by the end. Big Show picks up the end piece of the table and slams it down on Clay. Big Show holds the table end high walks with it a bit,t hen slams it down on Clay. Something is bleeped out.
“Cena!” chants, but Big Show slams the table piece onto Clay again. R-Truth is picked up and slammed back into the ropes from outside. He crumbles to the floor. Kofi rushes Big Show, but Big Show grabs Kofi as if for a chokeslam, and then holds the top of Kofi’s hair and yells at him. Kofi is then sent through the barrier where Justin and the timer sits. R-Truth is picked up and sent through the side of the stairs. Big Show walks over to a now kneeling Clay and punches him out. The camera looks at Kofi in a crumbled mess in the timekeeper’s area.
Video recap of Big Show’s attack on all three men. Back to Clay laid out on the floor. A fan yelling at Big Show while holding a sign calling Big Show a sellout. Big Show’s chin waivering (mad or about to cry?). The fan just continues to scream at Big Show. Big Show up the ramp, Laurinaitis meets him on stage, using his crutch to stand, raises Big Show’s arm in victory. After more heat, Laurinaitis puts out his hand and shakes Big Show’s hand. Big Show shakes, but is watching the fans, not Laurinaitis. (The bell never rang, the time is of Big Show’s rampage.)
Thanks for reading and make sure you check in and read my thoughts in RAW Is Blogged tomorrow evening.