Nah, let’s not bother with that. This thing is late as it is. Ha, remember when I used to get this up and done mere hours after Smackdown went off the air? ME TOO. Let’s get to SMACKDOWN!
Really? This is happening?
This was quite possibly one of the stupidest segments I have seen on a modern day wrestling broadcast. I mean it wholeheartedly. We were witness to Sheamus and Big Show using the punching arcade game you can find in some bars and nearly all restaurant/game venues to determine the most powerful move? And we also got the extraneous gear on the side: Laptops, wires, TWO CHAIRS FOR PEOPLE THAT WEREN’T THERE…and let’s not forget that we’re using this to explain who’s got a more powerful strike. Now, if this comes up at Hell in a Cell, for instance, if Sheamus hits Show with the Brogue Kick and Show kicks out, and someone explains that it’s because Sheamus only had an approximate HALF TON of force instead of the ONE TON of Show’s punch, the MAYBE, just MAYBE this segment will have been better in retrospect. I’m going to say no, though. This segment was STUPID beyond belief, and I was actually glad when Tensai came out and shut everyone up. I’m going to take my blood pressure medicine and come back to writing this blog.
Segment Grade: F
Tensai vs. Sheamus
Ah, that’s better. Okay, so I was very much okay with this Tensai match happening because there was immediate emotion thrown into it. I could get invested, Sheamus looked pissed, Tensai has had a beef with him, and the opening to this match was absolutely the right way to go about starting it. That’s the kind of start that an ultra personal feud a la Orton/HHH at WM23(?) and Lesnar/HHH should have had. No lockups, no wrestling moves (until later), just a throwdown. Now, I think there was a little bit too much of Tensai leaving his feet via Sheamus, as Tensai is still a bigger guy than Sheamus and it looked like Bloom wasn’t “wrestling big.” Obviously, Sheamus had to go over here, so this match was a nice rebound from that ugly opening segment. And it got over the Brogue Kick. Yay.
Match Grade: B+
This journey would last the entire show. You knew something was going to happen when del Rio sent Ricardo after Orton, but when? This segment was split over the commercial break, so I’ll grade both parts together. I’m sure everyone knew that Marella was behind the hissing, and while that whole exchange was funny, I wasn’t a huge fan of Ricardo “no-selling” the Cobra (as ridiculous of a move that it is). However, the move itself is ridiculous, so…um…whatever.
Segment Grade: B
The Band vs. Co-Bro
Holy crap……..you better get these guys some matching gear, matching hair, matching SOMETHING, because right now, they look HORRIBLE. Even the J.O.B. Squad had matching shirts. Nothing has been funnier/more horrifying in the last few months than Jinder Mahal, in his entire get up, playing air guitar with the band. The concept of this whole stable is good on paper, really it is. Even the promos by each of them were decent, but it’s VERY hard to take them seriously when they do the air guitar thing. As for the match, well, it was okay. Santino and Zack weren’t necessarily on the same page, although they’d teamed together for far longer than The Band, and The Band, seemed, um, in tune with each other. This was a good victory by The Band, and important if they want to remain relevant. Also, really cool to see a Snapmare Driver from Slater to finish it off…but if you want to see a better one, YouTube “The Centerfold” Matt Palmer’s Snapshot. INDY WRESTLING!
Match Grade: B
Kane vs. Dolph Ziggler
This match had it’s good moments and it had its sloppy moments. I like both Kane and Dolph Ziggler’s styles, but I think they clashed a bit here. Kane’s style is very old school, methodical, straight. Ziggler is new wave, a little more out of control on the selling, a little freer with his movements. There were times in this match where you could see Ziggler, selling the way he does, but maybe a bit too much for how Kane goes about business. Things just seemed about a step or two off for most of the match. The finish was oddly done as well. Did Ziggler actually hit Kane? It looked like Kane actually hit the briefcase; I don’t think Dolph swung at him. I don’t know why, but I feel like with the focus being on the Tag Team Champions’ squabbles, Dolph was a bit of an afterthought, which he shouldn’t be.
Match Grade: C+
It could be just me, but I think that specific segments used to highlight the incompatibility of Hell No are old hat. We get it, they don’t get along, show this during the match. I mean, watching Striker get pummeled and all was fun, but it’s not like it advanced any intriguing part of their story.
Segment Grade: C-
Ew. Hornswoggle all alone in a closeted room with a Randy Orton doll. I can’t…I just…ew.
Segment Grade: C
Kofi Kingston vs. The Big Show
Well, I hope nobody put money on Kofi. Now, I’m glad that Kofi is being put back into the Intercontinental Title scene, but I’m not sure that having him get KO’ed by Show with Miz on commentary is the right move here. I don’t think Kofi should have gone over, but I think a different opponent for both Kofi and Show would have been appropriate. As it is, the match was a typical “Big Guy/Little Guy” match. I do like how Show just swatted Kofi’s Trouble in Paradise away. Top it off with a punch that had ONE TON of force behind it, and Kofi’s head should be shattered.
Match Grade: B
I feel like Miz has regressed to his “Pre-Movie-Star” days. A lot of talking, gloating, bragging. Then again, I suppose we have to get Main Event over somehow, so…we have this.
Segment Grade: B-
GREATEST OF ALL TIME
Way to turn GOAT into a positive, Daniel Bryan. I’m kind of digging this style of slightly off kilter promo from D-Bryan.
Segment Grade: B+
A Blonde Wig…Really?
I’m so confused with what they’re trying to do with Teddy Long. Part of me is cringing at the very thought of Teddy coming out and being all “YES I ATTACKED KAITLYN MWAHAHAHAHAHA.” The other part just wants to see this stupid angle come to an end. After all, who are we trying to put over here? Eve, Layla, or Kaitlyn? And…are we trying to hint at a Michelle McCool return? Just throwing it out there.
Segment Grade: C
Damien Sandow vs. Sin Cara
I read that whole backstage news thing on how people feel like Rhodes Scholars were buried here, but I don’t see it. I like that Sin Cara won with a bit of controversy, especially as we’re going into a #1 Contender’s Match. I think the finish was creative enough (not necessarily Cody getting ejected, but the Hurracanrana over the ref’s head), and I think it adds intrigue to the big match on Monday. I hope that Rhodes Scholars gets the win on Monday, as I feel they are the more established, charismatic team, but it should be a good bout anyways.
Match Grade: B+
Daniel Bryan vs. Alberto del Rio
Now, I do see where people are getting that Bryan was buried. This was a good match, back and forth technical action, del Rio wasn’t too boring, etc. I just don’t like that Bryan, a Tag Champion in the middle of a title storyline, tapped out to del Rio, a guy who’s running from Randy Orton in a non-title grudge match. Now, for the purposes of the ending segment, Alberto winning is the only possible outcome. However, as I thought with Big Show, I would have preferred that del Rio had a different opponent. That’s the problem though when you don’t have a ton of established stars to work with. I almost said that Rey should have, but you don’t to kill his momentum going into Monday. So really, I have no answer…I don’t like del Rio winning, but since we’re highlighting the Orton feud on this show, he had to. As far as that ending segment goes, I thought it was really well done, especially when del Rio went down to coil like The Viper and Randy was right there. Good TV.
Match Grade: B-
In-Ring Action: B- I think some questionable booking calls were made, but there weren’t really any travesties of matches or complete duds. We avoided squashes, built a bunch of storylines, and established a new faction.
Out-of-Ring Action: C- The opening segment was beyond dumb. Most of the other segments after that weren’t spectacular either, mostly centering around Ricardo’s hunt for Orton. The Divas segment was kind of stupid too, so this wasn’t exactly a great week for promos and segments.
Overall: B- I went with this over a C+ because we did advance some storylines, we are building to Hell in a Cell, and in the big scheme of things, good stuff happened tonight. It may not have always been entertaining, but what needed to be accomplished was accomplished.
Outside the Blog Zone
I got to see Lance Hoyt again last night, and he won the IWGP Tag Championships over the weekend (he even tossed in a “I am the Tag Team Champions” line during a promo), and then made his first appearance back in Texas on MPX, so that was a cool little moment. He’s always a pleasure to be on a card with. In about a month, we’ll have Jerry Lynn on the card too, and that’s just plain AWESOME. Until next week, thanks for making me your CHOICE for Smackdown blogging.