DISCLAIMER: THIS IS A BLOG, NOT A NEWS ARTICLE. THE FOLLOWING WRITINGS ARE THE OPINIONS OF A STAFF WRITER OF WRESTLING NEWS WORLD. THEY DO NOT NECESSARILY REFLECT THE VIEWS OF THE OWNER OR THE OTHER MEMBERS OF STAFF. ALSO: COMMENTS ARE WELCOME AS LONG AS THEY PROVOKE MEANINGFUL CONVERSATION OR CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM. GRAMMAR/SPELLING IS SUBJECT TO RIDICULE – USUALLY. BUT NOT TONIGHT, AS MATT IS NOT HERE TO BUTCHER THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE.
So as you've probably realized by the title and the author (unless you saw "Smackdown!" and clicked the link vigorously as you just LOOOVE Matt so bad) – Matt is not with us this week for personal reasons he may or may not decide to disclose next week. As we are spiritual doppelgangers, Matt saw it most fit to choose me as his replacement for this week's blog. For those of you unfamiliar with me, I am Guy Landau, and I write the Weekly Rundown feature here on the site. As Matt's Blog and my Blog go up on the same day, I will be pulling a Ziggler and perform double duty today. What I am going to do – instead of doing this blog my own way - is parody Matt's usual blogs. This blog will be constructed the EXACT same way Matt constructs his (with the MPX stuff at the end and all) He gave me the green light to make fun of him, and with AJ unfortunately not being present tonight (by the way, I also have the enormous crush on AJ thing going on, so that won't be missed as well) the content of the show doesn't give me much to go on… So I'll take the framework in which it is written, and mock that instead.
Big Show's Evil… Okay?!
Bryan opened the show to a chorus of boos from the crowd - what a wonderful heel turn this has been. He proceeded to give a pretty decent promo about Big Show and AJ, and how he feels Show isn't sorry. He also said "Okay?" 20 or so times. I would just like to point out that Bryan saying AJ telling him she loves him was the first time someone ever said something like that to him is really sad – depriving-of-love parents much? I don't like the path they are taking this (Bryan persecuting Show - especially if , but this was a good segment for what it was nonetheless.
Segment Grade: B+
[Read the following in the tune of Shane O'Mac's theme, and the appropriate sarcasm] Here Comes the Funny (here we go, funny calls) Here comes the funny. Funny funny funny funny funny funny funny funny funny...
And now it's time for the gimmick of the show – the roulette wheel. Because Smackdown is in Vegas. Which is the Sin City. With all the casinos. So it makes sense. Every single joke here was obvious. The moment Rhodes got to choose his opponent, I knew it was going to be Hornswoggle. Aksana's whole schtick is obvious.
Segment Grade: At least Vince is laughing.
Justin Gabriel vs. Cody Rhodes
The prematch stuff was meh. Gabriel is Hornswoggle's guardian now, I guess? At least it's something for him to do. This was a really good TV match, which got both men over. They had me going there for a second that Gabriel was actually going to win. Well done, for the short time it was given. I personally would've preferred this to get more time over, say, the overly done backstage segments that plagued the show.
Match Grade: B+
Henry Spits Truths.
"This is stupid". It is, Henry. It is. At least it was short and truthful.
Segment Grade: Short and Truthful
The Usos vs. The Colon Boyz
Pretty good match here – my only gripe is with the tag team champions being seemingly only an excuse to put their manager over… For reasons I do not know. They found a nice way to keep this match in order amidst the potential chaos that is Tornado Tag Wrestling. Too bad it was oh so short.
Match Speed: Tornado
Aksana Turns the Tables
Only thing this was good for was the horrible pun above. A Tables Match will be nice. Too bad I missed it (see below).
Segment Grade: Meh.
Pun Level: Asian (a joke for those among you who are well versed in Internet memes).
Elaine Benes vs. Funkasaurus Clay
This was surprisingly fun. From Vickie's Homage to Seinfeld, to Clay getting Jiggy with it to Regal… It was better than it could have been.
Segment Grade: B.
Sheamus vs. Wade Barrett
Unfortunately I missed most of this match, because the recording of the show I was using got incredibly laggy in this match and just skipped 5 minutes of it. Sorry about that. All I caught was the ending – I still don't get how they justify Jinder Mahal getting pushed ahead of Ted Dibiase, or even Hunico (see below)
Reception Grade: Poor
Hunico vs. Ted DiBiase in a totally randomly picked flag match
I hate the roulette stipulation. For reasoning, see the Rundown Blog. This is a case where two great wrestlers are forced to put on a great match against all odds, with creative throwing everything they can at them to mess it up. They did just that, and managed to make a flag match entertaining (if absolutely unbelievable – it's still a flag match). The match ended with Dream Street anyway, couldn't they have just made it a normal 1 on 1 match?
Flag Match Grade: Minesweeper (which is very good for the match concept. If it was an average Flag match I'd have given it a YouTube).
Drew McIntyre is fired (OH GOD, NO)
Santino saved Drew's career… for tonight. I hope this goes somewhere, as it's starting to be a stretch that Drew isn’t fired after it hanging over his head.
This will be the time to say I have as much a crush on McIntyre (you could say I DROOL over McINTYRE. Huh? Funny stuff, right? Drool-Drew… NO?! Oh, because Matt's constant CHOICES in puns are hilarious, aren't they? Oh, go to hell!).
Segment Grade: You know, I'm really not in the mood to talk to you right now. You haven't earned hearing the grade, and if you insult me I will insult you back. You, you… Mike Adamle! How does it feel? Yeah, hurts, doesn't it? So you just sit there, read on, and think about what you've done.
Drew McIntyre vs. Santino Marella in a blindfold match
Drew's better than this. This is another case of a good match despite creative's best efforts. It had it's moments, and I enjoyed myself. I would've obviously preferred a normal match, but for what it was it was OK.
Match Grade: I did not put on a blindfold.
World Heavyweight Championship Lumberjack Match:
Daniel Bryan vs. Mark Henry
As usual, Bryan made it seem believable that he had a shot against a big man like only he can. If only he was a bad wrestler I'd say there was nothing for AJ in him… Oh well. The dynamic between Bryan and the lumberjacks was interesting (Henry's was what you'd expect), and Bryan showed subtleties of an evil genius in the match, looking back at it. He kicked the lumberjacks when they were gathering around Henry – to get them riled up and come after him, which would cause the no contest finish. That was brilliant.
Match Grade: A
Triple Threat at the Rumble
The most exciting thing about that Henry vs. Bryan vs. Big Show match is that I'm pretty sure Bryan is going to retain. It will be a great match as well, but I see Bryan stealing the win from Show after a knockout punch or something. Maybe AJ comes out and Show is distracted while Bryan takes the V.
In-Ring Action: Let's see: We've had a B+, an A, a "Tornado"-speed, a "poor reception" (in what I count as a good match – I just trust it was good), a "minesweeper" and a "I did not put on a blindfold". That adds up to… B. And that is ALL thanks to the talent, as creative seems to have tried to go out of it's way to make most matches suck. But alas, the Smackdown roster is too talented to take that and they pulled decent matches all around, despite the lack of time or resources.
Out-of-Ring Action: D This was dominated by Vegas. Which I am pretty sure Vegas did not ask for. I wonder how much do the Vegasians want to see a regular show in their city. Most of the backstage segments sucked – pure and simple. Bryan was decent, but not a single segment was actually good.
Overall: C Bad show, but we can all take comfort in the fact that it could've been a lot worse if mediocre talent would have been used. Fortunately, no such talent exists on Smackdown. Now if only creative was up to par…
Outside the Blog Zone [A.K.A. – self promotion part of the blog]
Come to MPX shows. There, Matt, I just saved them a whole paragraph to read.
As for me, come read my Weekly Rundown – already up on the main page – and give your feedback! If there's something I am better at than Matt, it's making my self-plugging concise...