Happy Wednesday, everybody! Kevin Christopher Sullivan here, bringing you tonight's LIVE coverage of AEW Dynamite: Fyter Fest! It's been a while since I talked to you guys last, and I'm excited to be back. What's that? Where have I been? None of your damn business, that's where.
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So, how's this work? Well, I'll be reporting on what happens during the show - adding my own commentary here and there (it's in the title and everything so, you know, try not to act surprised when you see it). I'll have events time-stamped so you know what happened when - although the most recent event will be at the top, with earlier events in descending order. I'm confident you'll figure it out.
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(8:13pm) Claudio gets Hager up and hits a Claudio Bomb and THERE is the win.
RESULT: Claudio Castagnoli defeats Jake Hager
(8:11pm) Claudio has Hager in the Sharpsho... sorry, Scorpion Deathlock, and Hager calls his Jericho Appreciation Society buddies down. It's enough of a distraction for Hager to nail him with a Rock Bottom, but it's not enough to get the pinfall.
(8:05pm) Swagger and Cesaro are just pounding the stuffing out of each other. Expect that for probably the next fifteen minutes.
(8:00pm) Hour 2 of Fyter Fest kicks off with Jim Ross heading to the announce table. He's followed by another Sooner, Jake Hager, who is about to take on Claudio Castagnoli.
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(7:51pm) Lucha with the "Tar Pit" submission and the win.
RESULT: Luchasaurus defeats Grif Garrison
Then he beats up Garrison and Pillman, Jr.
(7:44pm) Moxley with a Paradigm Shift, then vicious hammer and anvil elbows and then looks for the Death Rider, but Takeshita flips out and nails him with a beautiful German Suplex.
Still, Moxley kicks out, finally hits the Death Rider, then gets the win by submission.
RESULT: Jon Moxley defeats Konosuke Takeshita.
(7:42pm) Takeshita is selling that right arm, but manages to nail Moxley with a gorgeous Frog Splash... but only a 2-count. It was close though.
(7:39pm) A solid kick to the mush has busted Takeshita wide open.
(7:33pm) A battle of Shoulderblocks between the two men before Mox just slaps him in the face and takes him down with a headlock.
(7:28pm) Eddie Kingston gets a short rebuttal backstage (and makes sure to mention how much less time than Jericho got) and essentially threatens to murder Jericho.
Meanwhile, it's time for Moxley vs Takeshita.
We're taking another commercial break as we get ready for Jon Moxley vs Konosuka Takeshita and tell me I'm not the only one who giggles when he reads "Takeshita" please.
(7:24pm) Jericho announces he's bringing back the "Painmaker" because that's supposed to be scary apparently.
(7:21pm) Jericho runs down the list of all of Eddie Kingston's friends that he's injured. Including Ruby Soho.
(7:17pm) Meanwhile, here comes "The Wizard" ("The Wizard"? Really? What the hell...?) Chris Jericho hits the ring to talk smack about Eddie Kingston.
(7:16pm) Cassidy goes for one more Orange Punch, but misses and Wardlow powerbombs him down for the win.
RESULT: Wardlow defeats Orange Cassidy
Fist bump to OC from Wardlow in a show of respect.
(7:13pm) Back from break and Wardlow hits OC with a F10 - and Cassidy actually kicks out of it. DANG.
It's commercial break time. Go get a snack.
(7:08pm) Everyone forgot about Danhausen! Danhousen emerges from under the ring, but Wardlow grabs him. 'Hausen makes as if he's going to curse the champ, then decides against it. Wardlow lets him go, but eats a Superman Punch from Cassidy for it.
(7:05pm) Orange makes a big production out of putting his hands in his pockets, but Wardlow reaches down and pulls them out - along with pulling the pockets inside out. Wardlow then grabs the pockets and rips them off of OC's pants.
Meanwhile, Chucky T at ringside pulls a chainsaw out to cheat with and the ref sends them to the back.
(7:01pm) TNT Championship match kicks off the show as Orange Cassidy tries to win said title from Waaaaaaaaardlooooooooooow.
Checky T and Trent are with OC in the pre-recorded Picture In Picture and inform us that Danhausen got them manager's licences so they can be at ringside w/ Cassidy. They admit that Wardsy is way too big for OC to win so they're going to do the only thing they can - CHEAT!
(7:00pm Central) Here we go!