We are live in Boston for Monday Night Raw: the home of the Red Sox, baby wheels, and baby fah*ing sea turtles! I am your host, Chris Luxama, and I bring you another edition of The RIB!
We get a nice video package showing what happened last week between Kane and Seth Rollins. Brock Lesnar’s music hits and walks in tow with Paul Heyman. Also, the pyro man is asleep. Both men are all smiles and so am I. The arena is on fire and the “Suplex City” chants are flowing.
Paul Heyman is money on the mic, as always, but I didn’t know if I wanted to see Brock vs. Taker again. Paul actually did a fine job convincing me, so much so, that I’m legitimately concerned whether or not The Undertaker’s body can withstand such a brutal match with such a stiff opponent. I’m not one of those individuals that thinks Brock is careless; to the contrary in fact. I’m an MMA fan as well. You can tell when people have no strength left. You can tell when people pull their punches. Brock does take care to not be careless while maintaining a convincing, physical style. He’s not out there intentionally trying to hurt anyone. I think this iteration of Lesnar is far more cautious and aware than 2002-2004 Lesnar. Go back and watch that guy. “Here Comes the Pain” wasn’t just a slogan: you legitimately feared that he was going to f*ck someone up to the point of no return.
Anywho, I’m sold on watching Taker vs. The Raw Beast of Boston for the last time. Should be a delicious roast.
Big Show comes out to interrupt and is met with those heart breaking “Please Retire” chants. Ugh. No way that doesn’t sting. A few people tried to counter with “Stay Forever” chants which was crazy. Boston has no chill. Lesnar laughs and scoffs at Big Show who then taunts him as he’s walking away. Brock comes back and hits a freakin’ impressive overhead Belly to Belly and then an F-5 on Big Show. Intense way to open up Raw. Don’t worry Big Show: you’ve got a friend in me.
We then get a backstage vignette with Stephanie and Seth Rollins. Steph reminds Seth that he’s The Man. Go figure out what to do about your match! Steph always looks so lovely.
Roman Reigns/Dean Ambrose/Randy Orton vs. The Wyatt Family
I really have been enjoying the crazy family feud. Roman Reigns vs. Bray Wyatt at Hell in a Cell should be tons of fun if both guys are willing to go all out like they did last week. Bray should find some other random guy to beat Roman with. Every time these two face, Bray should throw a random person at Roman. A precedent needs to be set.
The game of “Who can knock down Braun” continues. He’s a mountain of a man who moves like constipated molasses, but he serves his purpose. Ambrose finally just threw himself as Braun’s back was turned and managed to take him down for a bit and Byron showed his emotional range on commentary by doing his best Lance Storm impression. C’mon Byron, relax a little.
The first match of the night was red hot. Great job all around. Bray vs. Reigns is the other match I’m looking forward to at HIAC.
Neville vs. Sheamus w/Barrett on Commentary
I find Sheamus boring. Sorry, I know there are fans of him, but I find him meh. It’s not that he’s bad, it’s just I’m indifferent toward him. Sheamus holding the MITB briefcase makes me sad. I feel more for the case than I do him.
Anywho, he called Neville a leprechaun. Vile. Neville took all he could stands and couldn’t stands no more and attacked. Barrett went to have a “chat” with him causing the distraction and Sheamus gets the victory. Neville vs. Barrett looks to be in line for HIAC and I don’t care what Sheamus does.
Kane/Seth/Steph Ring Promo
Kane continues to refuse help for his schizophrenia and Seth being the concerned citizen that he is, demands Kane be relieved of his duty. Completely counterproductive. Seth even attacked deflated balls. It’s not Boston’s or Kane’s fault that PSI levels for regulation footballs in a playoff game were a bit off. It’s Obama’s.
Steph came out to set the record straight by stating she’s had enough of Seth’s whining and anonymous complaining and pandered to the crowd which… I guess… she’s face now? I dunno. Between her, Brie, and Big Show… I just… I dunno. Demon Kane vs. Seth Rollins for the WWE Heavyweight Championship is now official for HIAC and is a must win situation for Kane because if he loses, Corporate Kane is no longer Director of Operations. Ugh.
Seth and HHH are backstage and Hunter gives Seth some cryptic pep statement for his match later on.
Natalya vs. Paige
The entire night, the announce team kept referring to Team PCB as Team PCB which means Paige is still a member of PCB which makes go, WHY?!
Nattie gets the jobber treatment and is already in the ring and Paige and her trade submissions early on. Someone on the internet is definitely going to make a gif of the Paige holding the leg scissors behind Nattie. I mean, if that wasn’t a gif-able moment, then I don’t know what is.
Nattie finally gets a win but I don’t know what this means for her. Does she take Paige’s spot on the team? Oh, and Paige got another loss. What does that mean for her? Whining and crying about who started the Divas revolution. It feels like one step forward and somersault on your head backward. I don’t care who started it. I want storylines. I want feuds. I want these ladies to hit and push hard. That’s it. Simple formula.
October 7th can’t come fast enough.
Ryback gets a video package and cuts a video promo. Go eat a Snickers, Big Guy.
Kevin Owens vs. Sin Cara
Kevin Owens is so entertaining.
KO: That was 3!
Referee: That was one.
KO: That was 3 too!
The match was quick with good spots but it was KO yelling random crap that kept me laughing.
“Tell that kid to be quiet!”
“A 12 year old has no business being at ringside!”
Poor Kalisto. KO ended it with a Pop-Up Powerbomb but not before letting Sin Cara know that he made a good effort. Classic stuff and was entertaining throughout. Ryback comes out to make the save for Kalisto and KO runs through the crowd as Ryback looks as if his eyes are going to bulge out of his head.
Stephanie and The New Day are backstage in a vignette and Steph insists on being sour and has no time to feel the power. I mean, she even threatened Trombone who has done nothing but bring joy to the people. Bad form, Steph. Anywho, The Dudley Boyz vs. The New Day for the tag Team Titles is made official for HIAC. Woot!
Susan G. Komen & WWE Breast Cancer Awareness
I’ll be very careful about what I say about this. CM Punk drew some ire last night on Twitter for saying that Susan G. Komen is a scam. I would say, like most things, it’s half true. I agree with Punk when he says: Do your research. Do that before you spend your money anywhere or buy anything pink. Try and find out if an organization is truly “Non-Profit.” Even Snopes says “Mixture” when you look up Susan G. Komen on their website. Know that a fraction (20-21% depending on where you look; lower percentages – sometimes in the single digits – for other organizations) goes where you think it is going. The fact is that their CEO, (along with many other CEO’s of these types of organizations) collect insane yearly salaries. Sometimes, investigations on where the money goes lead to dead ends. Some of these organizations collect hundreds of millions of dollars under the pretense of a cause and then pennies on the dollar go to that cause. Just be careful and be aware.
Anywho, the segment on the whole was touching. John Cena did what Cena does best and Roman did a great job as well. Telling that those were the two who were in the ring while everyone else was on top of the ramp. Roman is still being trusted and groomed to take the throne.
Seth Rollins & Kane vs. The Dudley Boyz
The whole Kane/Seth dynamic took the air out of the match. Kane is wrestling with a shirt and tie and it was evident his demon suit was underneath. The crowd started to get a bit restless and started up a “We Want Sasha” chant. Some handcuffs came out of nowhere and then broke almost immediately. Corporate Kane’s ankle was just too hurt and he was finally taken to the back. Demon Kane comes out and The Dudleyz hit Kane with a 3D; a little payback from Smackdown. Seth can’t leave well enough alone, sets up a table, and Kane winds up choke-slamming him through it. It looked like Seth hit the back of his head. It was an awkward landing. Hope all is well.
Team BAD vs. Team Bella
Those boots! Oh, and Sasha is in front of her hometown. Should have been a bigger reaction. Maybe if her music hit instead of Naomi’s, but whatever. We get some more hometown pandering and groan-worthy mic work from Nikki in a segment that dragged. The match itself was good. Alicia hit a textbook B-E-A-utiful fisherman suplex complete with pin attempt. The end sequence was sweet with everyone hitting their spots and Sasha winning with the Banks Statement made the crowd happy. Or it woke them up. Either way, good match all around.
The camera then goes to Charlotte w/ Becky for an interview. She hypes her rematch with Nikki Bella then Wooooooooooo!’s.
October 7th really can’t get here fast enough.
Rusev w/ Summer Rae Ring Segment
Ugh. Double Ugh. There isn’t enough Jameson in the world for this. I actually said, “Oh no…,” out loud as the video started playing. I know the ratings had hit record lows for the year in back to back weeks… this was ‘change the channel’ type sh*t. There’s no reason for something like this to take up so much time. A sweet reminder that Raw was once two hours. Kill this storyline and kill it with fire.
“That was awesome.”
Summer proposes to Ru-Ru who says, “Yes, but not yet.” He wants gold around his waist and then he’ll put gold around her finger. At least Ru-Ru is goal oriented.
U.S. Open Challenge – John Cena vs. Big E
New Day! That opening bit was hilarious and Kofi is massively underrated. I would say Xavier leads the pack, but I can’t find any weakness in their group. They mesh and vibe so well. I’m now sad should the day come when New Day split. Ugh. Let’s not be sour and even think of it. Golden promo which leads to Big E accepting the challenge!
So Cena gets dominated the whole match. That belly-to-belly was scary. It looked like Cena didn’t tuck his head in and hit the back of his neck and head an acute angle. Big E has a crazy vertical leap for a man of his size.
CENA TALKS TOO MUCH! You can hear him loud as hell giving Charles and Big E direction. Holy hell, man.
Quote of the Night: “We are about to be United States Champion!”
Quit teasing me, Bro.
After blatant interference, Xavier and Kofi get thrown from ringside, Big E tried to hit Cena with Trombone, but caught an AA for the three count. Typical crap. Cena gets ZERO offense then just puts someone down quick. Bleh. Dolph Ziggler then comes back out to play ragdoll some more followed by The Dudleyz. The New Day, for the first time, get the upper hand and dominate all these guys. I loved it. Since they are going into an event called “Hell in a Cell” there should be some aggression. A message was delivered that these guys are no jokes even though they joke. Message Received.
A pretty good Raw overall. Certainly better than that abomination of a Raw last week. I’m looking forward to HIAC and it should be fun. So should the podcast with Brock and Austin on the 19th.
But first thing’s first: NXT Takeover: Respect. Should be an incredible event.