I'm sitting here after cooking for the better part of the day, after eating turkey, cranberry, lamb, mint jelly, potatoes, squash with cranberries, cranberry bread and drinking some amazing spiced caramel macchiato cider, and have nothing really to say. I love watching wrestling, talking about wrestling, writing about wrestling and cussing at wrestling video games (I'm just old enough that I missed forming that level of hand eye coordination that video games has formed in so many these days), but today I have nothing really interesting I want to discuss about TNA/IW. Okay, there is one little hope I have for this episode of Impact – remember, no spoilers have been read – that no one, especially AJ, will be forced into that darn turkey costume or that we have to watch EY walking around offering to 'service' guests to the meal (or was that a Christmas episode?).
C+ > I actually liked this opening video. It told a story and was brought to an actual ending. Reminding us of Angle attacking Storm was good as it's been a busy week for many of us in the USA and I had forgotten about all that.
In Ring Segment
B > If Angle hadn't already been a heel, he would have sealed it with his attack on Storm. Yay, Storm's back in his cowboy hat. Much better than the ball cap of last week. The cowboy hat looks so much better on him. Wow, right up in Angle's face and calls him a bitch. The heart and fire in Storm made that that segment work, especially when he was right up in Angle's face. How did Storm screw Angle out of the Title? Angle ate a superkick and pinned Angle clean. Sorry, that's pushing a storyline a bit much.
Also, I still don't understand Angle and JJ on the same side. It's just plain wrong! I did love Storm punching Angle for his daughter, then the way he rolled from the ring. It was nice to see a face make a smart move, not just punch someone then stay in the ring to get a complete beat down. Then to see Storm's boys back him up, I liked this segment. It wasn't long and drawn out like too many of the opening segments, and it set the stage for the rest of the show. No, it wasn't because Storm was in the segment, but he was a huge factor in making it work.
F- > Bloody heck! The BLEEPING turkey costume!
C > I have to say I admit the tag straps are off MexA. They were so boring! The only thing really good about MexA are Sarita and Rosita being sexy arm candy. Not saying I think Morgan and Crimson are a great tag team, but the division is almost as crappy as the WWE Tag Division! TNA/IW's Tag Division has fallen apart, but this thrown together team is better than MexA and hopefully get another team to feud with soon.
TNA/IW Tag Title Match – Morgan & Crimson ( c) vs MexA
F > At first I kind of liked how this Match started so physically, but the way Crimson slammed Anarquia off his shoulders made me nervous. Anarquia hit his elbow on the mat; his whole landing was bad and Crimson's fault. Of course Crimson got the pin, but this whole Match was short and not very graceful! I'd expect that Match to have happened at one of the local indy shows up here, it was that bad. I'm not talking BTW, they were solid when they came to Maine. I mean an NWA On Fire Match. It's not pretty and that Match was as bad.
Winners – Morgan & Crimson
D > Rudy with the turkey suit, moving the turkey head around like a puppet was great. Is that the same turkey suit? It looks a lot more sparkly than I remember it. While watching Robbie E tweaking at EY was fun, EY lucidly admitting to Rudy that he was lying about what Sting said was just lovely! It's been so long since we've seen EY lucid and I never thought we'd see it again on Impact.
In Ring Segment
F > I really want to know how Karen can keep that strapless dress up! She's a year older than I am and she's had two children. If her boobs are at all un-enhanced, then she's defying gravity right there in that lousy four sided ring. I'm normally put off by the obviously fake tatas, but Traci looks so much better than Karen and it has nothing to do with the headache I have after listening to Karen say more than three words. I have paused my DVR for a moment to type and I'm dreading hitting that play button as I know Karen will leave me grinding my teeth and my head pounding!
Nasty, disgusting, horney, perverted freaks? Just because the fans don't want to see Karen's skin exposed, we're all freaks. Funny how Karen only mentioned getting those letters and emails from men. I highly doubt they're only from men. Even funnier is Karen talking about Gail being the only athlete and look how she carries herself? Most of the Knockouts had more skin covered than Gail in that they were wearing pants and had sleeves, but I do have to give Gail props for not getting large implants. They just wouldn't work on her build. But Karen's disgusted by the way the Knockouts dress so she's having a Lingerie Bowl? That makes less sense than Karen being the leader of the Knockouts. Interesting how Velvet Sky said, 'It's bull$h!t' three times as she was leaving the ring, but only the third was bleeped out. Also, my TV Guide listing had this listed as a Thanksgiving Thunder Thong Match, so I guess Lingerie Bowl, as Karen called it, is much classier!
B > I love what Tara and the others said. That Tara thought she'd left all that behind when she came to TNA. Even funnier is that since Tara came to TNA/IW, the WWE has gone PG and VKM wouldn't let any of these matches happen. No evening gown, lingerie, mud, jello, pillow fight matches which I think is hysterical because most of the Divas are there because of their looks, not because of how well they can work the ring.
C+ > And then there's the Thanksgiving Thong Thunder Match! I would have loved the argument between Gail and Mickie if they both hadn't stumbled over their words so many times. I did like Mickie going after Gail for who she's become in TNA/IW, but it was Gail who impressed me with the beat down on Mickie. The attack on the cameraman was a bit much. I always say that the staff should not be abused in any way, even though both companies love to blur that line between wrestlers and staff/fans.
Thanksgiving Thong Thunder Match
D > Who named this bloody Match!?!? Okay, I have to say it, Winter looked HOT! I found it interesting how uncomfortable Velvet Sky looked in the lingerie that covered more than her normal ring gear. Honestly, I'm impressed with how all these girls worked the ring without falling out; having wardrobe malfunctions! It's easier when the tatas don't move (fake), but they worked that ring hard without anything being exposed.
As degrading and this is for these wrestlers, they knew going into this industry that they would be in matches like this. It's just the way the industry works. All that being said, I have to say that I do miss seeing some of these off the wall gimmick women's matches. I know I have been very loud about not liking gimmick matches, but sometimes it's just fun to watch them get silly in the ring or do wild things to entertain the fans. No, it's not PG, it's not what the industry really should be, but you have to admit some of the silly and crazy matches we saw before the WWE went PG were fun. I'm sure I'm going to catch some flack for being okay with this, but I've been attacked for much less here.
I really don't like that finishing move Madison hit. It was too similar to Gail's finisher, but looked so bad. Madison looked like a robot setting it up and hitting it. Further, Karen's going to be very unhappy about Madison's continuing need to be flashy and losing matches because of it.
Winners – Tara & Tessmacher & Velvet Sky
F > Why is Karen on TV? Who thinks she has talent enough to be on TV other than JJ? This whole thing is such a farce!
In Ring Segment
B > It was so glaringly obvious that it wasn't Jeff Hardy under that mask. Too short, too narrow through the shoulders to be Hardy. Even saying that, JJ cut quite the promo on Hardy. I don't like what JJ has become through the birth and growth of TNA/IW, but he was right on the money in talking Hardy down. It was very strange to see Hardy with his hair all one natural color. It's a beautiful dark brown (just dyed some of my hair that color last night), but it's not Jeff Hardy! Also, Daniels has officially joined the Immortal boys? He was out with Ray and JJ earlier in the show too. Just seems like a strange fit.
F > I guess it is the same turkey suit it has always been. So, AJ, Shelley and EY have already worn it, so hopefully it will be Robbie E's turn. While TNA/IW seems to think this is a wonderful tradition, but I think it's lame and stupid – and not in a good way!
Stupid Turkey Costume Match!
T > Yes, that grade is T, as in turkey. I couldn't give this segment any grade higher than an F, so I went lower, much lower! As if the turkey costume wasn't enough of a joke, Rudy and how the Match went was just comedy. Not saying it was good comedy, just that it was comedy. Then the over acting by Rudy and Robbie over the little bit of pipe. That whole thing was just a mess!
Okay, EY's keen intuition was cute, then getting to Terry and them making Terry put that horrible thing on, but that costume just didn't fit even well enough for Terry to look goofy! He looked like he was in a badly fitting corset with his tatas (pecs) hanging out over the top.
Winner – No one in existence!
C > EY is just too cute. Every time I see him on Impact I get mad at TPTB in TNA/IW. EY is so loyal and they just poo all over him at every turn; just disgusting.
8 Man Tag Team Elimination Match – Team Storm (RVD & Anderson & AJ Styles & Jeff Hardy) vs Team Angle (JJ & Bully Ray & Daniels & Bobby Roode)
B > Tenay was talking teams and who's a captain of which team as if this was a Traditional Survivor Series Match. Didn't we already see SS this year? On a whim I went looking to see who of this group of eight guys had been in Traditional Survivor Series Matches. On November 23, 1994 JJ's Team lost to Razor Ramon's Team. November 16, 2003, Team Angle defeated Team Lesnar. November 26, 2006, Team DX defeated Team RKO in a clean sweep, (Hardy was on Team DX). November 26, 2006, Team Cena defeated Team Big Show (RVD was on Team Cena). November 18, 2007, Team HHH defeats Team Umaga (Hardy on Team HHH, Anderson on Team Umaga). Even though Ray was never in a Traditional Survivor Series Match, he was involved with at least three SS matches with Hardy. Looking at all of this, these particular wrestlers in this specific Match, it does look as though TNA/IW is the place for WWE's castoffs.
While some might think they are castoffs, they sure did look great in this Match with these TNA/IW Originals. I will admit to being confused by Roode spending much time at announce, eliminating Anderson, then eliminating himself with the low blow on AJ. Why did he so purposefully get eliminated? Is he injured? Then Ray being totally disgusting with his own phlegm in the ring.
When AJ started this Match his tights were in one piece, but sometime around the low blow from Roode, the seam along the back of his tights started to let go. At first it looked like a tiny pucker after the delayed vertical suplex from Ray and JJ, but it continued to grow into a hole. Daniels mouth might have been split open, but it was the split in AJ's pants that had me more worried.
I really wanted to pay attention to all the moves in this Match, but my eyes were continually drawn to AJ's bum. I'm sure some of you with think I was interested in checking out AJ, but I was more interested in AJ's tailoring issues. I really didn't like Hardy rushing down and saving AJ the way he did. When AJ hit that springboard for the win, I saw that there was another hole forming further down along the seam! It was a good thing Roode came in and nailed both Hardy and AJ with this belt as AJ might have busted out completely if left on that corner to continue posing!
Honestly, this really was a very solid Match. All eight guys in the ring worked it hard and to their strengths, left it all out there, but I was distracted. Anyone follow boxing at all? When I was in college (for fashion design) my father and my boyfriend at the time went to a boxing Match. There was this really good boxer from Maine names Joey Gamache. When they got home they couldn't tell us how well Gamache's Match went as the whole time he was in the ring his trunks were falling apart. The woman who always made his trunks for him was the mother of a girl who was also in the design program with me. Sequins, ribbons and bit of fabric fell off through the whole Match as the woman who made them procrastinated, then choked and glued it all together a couple hours before he was due to box. That night showed me how important it was to make an garment to withstand no matter what might be thrown at it. Obviously AJ's tights were not built to withstand him working the ring and we all got to see a little bum for it. I blame the person who did not secure that seam for distracting me from what really was a really good main event.
Winners – Team Storm
Why did Ken Anderson let his hair go darker? It looks as though it's closer to his natural color and I understand how much of a pain in the bum it is to keep hair such a light blonde, but Anderson should have white blond hair! Dolph faded into the shadows when his hair was darkened, but he's back and vibrant since being allowed to do so again. I want the Anderson asshole I know and love back. He needs to grab that hair dye and slather it on, no matter how much it stings. Man up and dye your hair! (BTW, Green Bay 11-0!)
I have never given a show five F's before, and so many to do with that darn turkey costume! I'm willing to bet that some of them were because I'm so burnt out on TNA/IW's silly antics. I had really hoped that we wouldn't get stuck watching anyone in that silly turkey costume. Also, I think other than the announcers, I think Karen was in more segments than anyone else! Between in the ring with the Knockouts, backstage with the Knockouts, then ringside with her husband and her ex-husband, she collected more segments than anyone. I want to know who thinks this woman is a star. I have so many questions about her ambitions and if this is something she has wanted all along. So many questions that will never be answered.
Gesus just called (talked to Stacy) to tell me that a local radio station he was listening to (during the first hour of Impact) advertised TNA/IW as 'tune in tomorrow on Thanksgiving to watch Impact Wrestling! While he was thrilled to hear TNA/IW Impact being advertised, he and his girlfriend Rikki couldn't help but laugh at the station for the obvious gaffe. As he signed off he told us to enjoy watching AJ in the turkey suit! I have to say that I have made some wonderful friends through WNW and I'm thankful for every single one of you.