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Hello, you sexy, sexy monkeys, and please join me in welcoming back to Wrestling News World's live coverage of WWE TV after spending a week with his parents visiting from Ohio, er..... me!
And I picked a hell of a night to come back, didn't I? Jesus, could this weekend get any crazier? Also, why am I talking like Chandler from Friends? Anyway, let's continue.
Tonight's SmackDown is our final show before SummerSlam in Las Vegas, NV (although, did you know, there is actually also a Las Vegas, NM, as well? It's true - it's damn true), where over 40,000 people will gather together to catch COVID-19... I mean, watch the first SummerSlam to be held in a stadium on US soil. We'll get to witness John Cena and Roman Reigns cut their last promos before the show, and we'll get to see Edge - and probably Seth Rollins - uh.... cut their last promos before Saturday and... anyone else from SmackDown who will be at SummerSlam do that, too.
There's some question as to whether or not Bianca Belair vs Sasha Banks is actually going to happen tomorrow as, apparently, Sasha isn't at SmackDown tonight, so there's some intrigue there, I guess. Look, I'm genuinely excited for SummerSlam, I could just give a tinker's damn about these go-home shows and 9 times out of 10, they're pretty stupid.
Anyway, we'll get started with the nonsense in 30 minutes. See you on the other side.
(8:25pm) Boogs pins Apollo to get the win for his team!
RESULT: Rick Boogs and Shinsuke Nakamura defeat Apollo Crews and Commander Azeez.
(8:18pm) Rick Boogs is making his main roster in-ring debut, teaming with King Nakamura to face Apollo Crew and Commander AZEEZ, LIGHT!!! after the break.
(8:16pm) Otis just took on Montez Ford of the Street Profits, and despite Ford donning some very nice Marc Mero cosplay, Otis hits him with a Vader Bomb and wins.
RESULT: Otis defeats Montez Ford
(8:07pm) OK, bad word alert but here's our very own Ja'von with....
(8:03pm) Holy S***!!! Seth Rollins is in the ring and cutting a promo on Edge when the Brood theme kicks in and suddenly, Edge shows up on the Titantron, says "you'll never see it coming" and then dumps the blood that has "turned black" on Seth in an old school Attitude Era blood bath.
(8:02pm) Is that the.... Brood theme?
(7:51pm) Shotzi and Nox defeat Tamina and a shockingly healthy Natalya (welcome back, girl!) in a 'contenders match' that I could have sworn they not only already had but won. Anyway, Seth Rollins is going to do a promo after the ads.
RESULT: Nox and Shotzi defeat Natalya and Tamina
(7:41pm) Corbin still manages to run off with the contract.
Meanwhile, Bianca Belair is being interviewed and talking about the contract signing for her match with Sasha Banks at SummerSlam. Tonight, she's taking on both Carmella and Zelina Vega tonight.
(7:39pm) Big E heads to the ring to get his MITB contract back, and him attacking Corbin and getting Owens DQ'd
RESULT: Baron Corbin defeats Kevin Owens by DQ
(7:30pm) We see how Baron Corbin stole Big E's MITB briefcase, and now he heads to the ring - with no ring music - clutching the case and about to take on Kevin Owens after the ad break.
(7:29pm) Jimmy attacks Dom, which is enough to distract Rey for Jey to attack and land a flying splash and the win.
RESULT: Jey Uso defeats Rey Mysterio
(7:28pm) Dom tries to help his dad pin Jey, but Charles Robinson catches it and send him to the back.
(7:19pm) So far, nothing of significance happening so far, though this is a very good match.
(7:12pm) Rey Mysterio vs Jey Uso.... Jey Mysterio? No. That's just a thing I thought was funny.
(7:10pm) Rey Mysterio and Dominick are backstage wearing Wu-Tang Clan inspired shirts, and Dom seems like he's heading towards a heel turn. OOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH
(7:09pm) "Seth, I don't have to just beat you... I have to break you... I have to humble you... I have to burn you down!"
(7:07pm) And now Edge is replying to all the evil stuff Seth Rollins said last week, and things are getting dark. Daaaaaaaaark. Darky dark dark.
(7:01pm) Edge kicks off the show tonight and he looks inteeeeeeeeeeense.