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Welcome to Wrestling News World's LIVE coverage of WWE's SmackDown. I'm your guy behind the keyboard, Kevin C. Sullivan, and as of *checks watch*... wait for it... waaaaait for it.... waaaaaaaaaaoh, wait, I'm not wearing a watch. Anyway, as of right now. Hi. Nice to see you.
Tonight is the last episode of SmackDown before this Sunday's Survivor Series. Now, I know that the common opinion on this year's WWE Thanksgiving Tradition is "Oh yeah, that's this weekend, isn't it?" but don't get complacent just yet. There's still plenty of plot twists and turns that can happen between now and the kick-off show this Sunday. In fact, we've got some breaking news regarding that very kick-off show right now!
So, that is... technically news. I'm joking - as far as pre-shows go, there's nothing wrong with a good old fashioned Battle Royale. The announcement didn't mention if there was a benefit to winning the match other than bragging rights, but I doubt there is one. However, I just found out you can watch the kick-off show via TikTok, so that's... stupid.
Anyhoo, I'll be back and forth on here getting updates for the show and posting them - until showtime, that is, at which time I'll just be... here. I'll also be on Twitter and if you're reading this I would very much appreciate if a.) you followed me at @HeyImKevinSully, b.) tweet about this very live coverage you're reading right now (preferably in a positive manner, but I'm not the boss of you) and c.) tweet at me during the show so I can interact with you and share the funniest tweets I get on this very page.
In the meantime, check out our preview of tonight's show here!
SmackDown starts out with the SmackDown Tag Team Champions The Street Profits, hyping up Survivor Series - including the appearance of the Undertaker at the show. Suddenly... is Taker in the room with them?!?
Nah, it's just Big E in a sombrero. Why a sombrero? "It's all they had in props."
The Profits are talking smack to Big E about their Series opponents, and E tells them they can tell the New Day themselves, as they're there at SmackDown.
In fact, they're in the ring! And they segue from talking about the Profits to talking about Undertaker, as I'm sure we're gonna hear about him a lot. Well, Sami Zayn is tired of hearing about the Undertaker.
Aw, geez... King Corbin comes out and tells the New Day some mean stuff and to leave. Also, Dolph Ziggler comes out after and... I'm not going to transcribe the jokes. I'll find a video later.
Just when it seems like Woods and Kofi have talked the four heels in the ring to fight each other, they quickly turn and attack New Day instead. Fortunately for them, the Profits hit the ring to even the odds.
Back from commercials and we discover that Adam Pearce has ordered a Roode/Ziggler/Sayn/Corbin vs New Day/Street Profits 8-man tag match to happen.... RIGHT NOW!
After some standard back-and-forth tag team action, a free-for-all breaks out in the middle of the ring. Kofi springboards off the turnbuckles, attempting to cross bodyblock onto one of his opponents - but accidentally hits Montez Ford with it. Oops.
And here comes Angelo Dawkins acting like Kofi did that on purpose despite the fact that Dawkins has been wrestling for, like, twenty years and should know better.
Ford finally manages to fight his way out of the assault Zayn and Co. have been piling on him for at least two commercial breaks. He leaps into the corner.... and tags in Kofi, much to the incredulousness of Angelo Dawkins.
I don't know if that's a word but I'm going to use it anyway.
Dawkins tags himself in aggressively and begins to throw down. Zayn gets tagged in against his will, and the Profits knock him down and Montez Ford nails him with a Frog Splash and the win.
RESULT: The New Day and The Street Profits defeat Robert Roode, Dolph Ziggler, King Corbin, and Sami Zayn
As the two champ teams pose and posture with their titles in the air, Daniel Bryan - who is taking on Jey Uso tonight - is being interviewed backstage.
Sami Zayn comes staggering through the back, arguing with the referee of their match that he wasn't legal (for a hilarious variety of reasons), and catches Bryan laughing at him. Zayn starts to chew Bryan out, so Bryan decides to practice proper CDC Covid-19 prevention guidelines, puts on his mask, and decks the Intercontinental Champion.
We're back and we're about to hear from Bryan (and his kick-ass new haircut), but first we have to watch Bryan watch himself get beaten up by Uso again. Then he cuts an awesome promo and heads back to... I dunno, the soda machine or something.
Meanwhile, we cut to Adam Pearce informing someone that they have been selected as the 5th man of Team Smackdown - and that someone is Otis.
Also, he informs Natalya that the newest member of Smackdown's Women's team.... is Bayley.
Seth Rollins is with us, telling us what Murphy was like before he took him under his.... he did say "wing", right?
Anyway, Natalya is in the ring, taking on Tamina to determine who the final member of the women's SD team will be. Bianca Belair is a guest on commentary, and before the match can start, Bayley comes on down to join her.
Well... that didn't take long. Natalya gets the Sharpshooter on Tamina and gets the win.
RESULT: Natalya defeats Tamina and is the final member of the SmackDown Women's Survivor Series team.
Well... it's time for the contract signing between WWE Champion Drew McIntyre and WWE Universal Champion Roman Reigns. Drew is in the ring, Roman's music hits... and Roman takes his sweet time coming out.
I guess Roman went to the Axl Rose School of Being a Heel.
True to form, Roman is sitting at the "head of the table" for the contract signing.
This is interesting... instead of talking to the crowd, as these normally go, McIntyre and Reigns are talking to each other as if they were the only ones there.
Drew signs the contract.
Roman tells Drew that he's a "secondary" champion and all sorts of other stuff to get under his skin. We'll see if it works.
"Drew, you'll always be my favorite number two."
Was that a sneaky poop joke?
It's now time for Seth Rollins vs Murphy "Murph" Murphinson.... or maybe just Murphy. I think.
Rollins ties Murphy up in the ropes and then goes for a kendo stick. The ref warns him he'll get disqualified if he uses it.
Rollins: "I don't give a damn if I get disqualified!"
Rey grabs the kendo stick from Seth, but Seth turns around and blasts him to the ground (sorry about the rhyme). Murphy gets thrown from the ring and against the security wall and is now a crumpled ball of humanity on the floor.
Seth taunts Aliyah as he prepares to inflict further damage on his former disciple and Aliyah is... really trying hard to nail this acting thing.
Rollins nails a superplex, and flows into a Falcon Arrow, but Murphy still kicks out.
Rollins manages to hit the Stomp on a Murphy draped over the second rope. Rollins goes for the pin, but Murphy gets his foot on the rope. Rollins responds with a Sting Crippler... I mean buckle bomb.
But Murphy manages to hit two running knees and a Murphy's Law!
RESULT: Murphy defeats Seth Rollins
Murphy and his soon to be kayfabe-in laws celebrate in the ring and apparently we're a little tight on time because Sasha Banks comes out, not to interfere but just because her segment is next and we can't wait.
Michael Cole is in the ring, in between Raw Women's Champion Asuka and SmackDown Women's Champion Sasha Banks and I've never been more envious of Michael Cole.
How come the dude world champs had a big fancy contract signing but the ladies just got Michael Cole? I mean, no disrespect, Michael Cole, I respect you but I mean, come on.
Oh... hey, Carmella attacked Sasha again. And Asuka is just watching.
Did the video just freeze or is it my streaming service?
It was me. Carry on.
Jey Uso is being interviewed about his match with Daniel Bryan and he's all like "I didn't do all that stuff because Roman said to. I did it cuz I wanted to! Yeah! That's it! I'm my own man! Stop looking at me like that!"
Bell rings and Uso goes on the assault and gets the upper hand... but Bryan reverses and starts to do the whole Daniel Bryan Does Submission Moves On a Dude thing.
Uh oh... they keep calling Jey Uso "unhinged"... that's going to be his gimmick for a while, isn't it?
"This is in his wheelhouse" Do people have houses for their wheels?
Bryan goes through a table and SmackDown goes to a commercial and I'mma go and think of more dumb puns.
Uso heads to the top and goes for the Uso Splash... Bryan gets his knee up and rolls him up. Small package and the win!
RESULT: Daniel Bryan defeats Jey Uso
That was... one way to end the Survivor Series go home show, I guess.
So... what did you folks think? I thought the build-up to the Reigns/McIntyre match was pretty epic. I'm not sure what else I should be caring about for the rest of the show, but I can't tell if that's WWE's fault or if I'm just not paying enough attention.
Either way, thanks for hanging out with us tonight. I'll be back here on Sunday for Survivor Series, so I hope you'll all join me as you watch, as I'd really love to get some feedback from those of you reading. You can make it my Christmas present if you want.
Anyway, have a great night, everybody. I'm outta here.