Hey everybody! Kevin Christopher Sullivan here. We're *looks at watch* twentably-blork hours from last night's Extreme Rules which, I'm gonna admit, could have been a little more extreme-y, if I'm being perfectly honest with you.
However, that was in the past, and the past is something, I have often been told, that is not to be dwelled on. Especially because tonight's Raw is kicking off with a WWE Championship match, as former champion Bobby Lashley finally gets his rematch against Big E! That's right, my fine feathered friends, that's just the beginning of tonight's show!
Over the course of the next three hours, I'll be updating this page with news, match results, social media, and the usual garbage that I try to pass off as "jokes." If you're following along live, make sure you refresh the page every so often to get the latest updates. I'll have the posts down below timestamped so you can see where I supposedly am in the show.
All right then! It's time to get this road on the show! If you want to share your thoughts on tonight's show (and maybe have them posted up here, who knows?) shoot me a Tweet at @HeyImKevinSully or just use the comments section down below. Enjoy the show!
(8:41pm) Oh, hey, Doudrop is getting a title match against Charlotte Flair. Also, Riddle is coming out for his match against AJ Styles.
(8:39pm) Well, in the amount of time it took me to run the garbage outside and then take a leak...
RESULT: Karrion Kross defeats Jaxon Ryker
(8:32pm) Karrion Kross and his adorable mask are heading to the ring as, after the break, he'll be taking on former U.S. Marine and guy I could have sworn was released last week Jaxson Ryker.
(8:29pm) Mustafa Ali finds himself the only one on his team anywhere near the ring as he tries to tag out, and Veer nails him with a lariat and pins him.
RESULT: Veer, Shanky, and Jinder Mahal defeat Mansoor, Mustafa Ali, and Jeff Hardy
(8:27pm) Byron Saxton just announced that Goldberg is making some sort of announcement tonight.
(8:20pm) Mansoor and Mustafa Ali are teaming with Jerffrey Nero Hardy in a 6-man match against Jinder Mahal and his two buddies, Baseball Movie Guy and That Other Guy.
(8:18pm) Priest reverses an attempt by Sheamus to toss him through a table propped up in the corner. He follows it up with a Lights Out and gets the win.
RESULT: Damian Priest defeats Sheamus
(8:07pm) The Priest/Sheamus match goes into the commercial break with a CRASH, as Sheamus nails Priest with White Noise off the ring apron, to the floor, and through a table.
(7:52pm) Damian Priest vs Sheamus for the US Championship is NEXT!
(7:48pm) Akira Tozawa is angry he was humiliated while trying to win the 24/7 Championship, and he's demanding a match... and he doesn't care who it's against.
So, now he's got a match against Keith Lee.
Sorry. Keith "Bearcat" Lee.
Keith Lee wins.
RESULT: Keith Lee defeats Akira Tozawa
(7:46pm) So... I had to go do some dad stuff. Reggie vs Ricochet ended in a DQ for some reason. Meanwhile, Kevin Patrick is a.) interviewing RIddle and b.) doing his best not to laugh at Riddle's crazy promo. Riddle is taking on AJ Styles this week, as Randy Orton is not there.
(7:33pm) It looks like Reggie is defending his 24/7 Championship against... Ricochet? Huh. Well, at least he's on TV.
(7:30pm) Wow... Angel Garza hits the Wing Clipper on Erik and gets the pin.
RESULT: Angel Garza defeats Erik.
(7:27pm) Erik from the Viking Raiders is taking on Angel Garza from that tag team he's in with Humbert Carrillo for some reason.
(7:20pm) Adam Pearce isn't having it. So, later tonight, he's putting Big E and Bobby Lashley in a steeeeeeeel caaaaaaaaage!
(7:18pm) Big E spears Lashley right out of the ring. However, Shelton Benjamin and Cedric Alexander, clad in Hurt Business t-shirts, are at ringside. It's enough of a distraction for Lashley to return the spear to Big E.
Lashley goes for the pin, but the rest of The New Day race to the ring and the fight spills into the ring and the ref calls for the bell.
RESULT: No contest.
(7:15pm) Lashley going for a superplex, but Big E is fighting it. So, Lashley just decks him onto the arena floor.
(7:10pm) Bobby Lashley backs BIg E into a corner, and the ref breaks it up. Lashley and Big E with a staredown... until E tags him a slap right across the face.
This may come as a shock to you, but Bobby Lashley didn't like that. He's now destroying the champ. Kaboom.
(7:06pm) WWE Champion Big E is already in the ring, as Raw starts off with a world title match. Bobby Lashley is out next. There's gonna be some punchin'.
(7:00pm) Oooh... Chicago PD. tonight was a crossover with Law & Order: SVU! DOUBLE depressing! Anyway, Raw is on now.