Results - for those of you in a hurry:
Lana wins the women's battle royale
Ricochet defeats Cedric Alexander
The New Day defeat Robert Roode and Dolph Ziggler
Angel Garza defeats Andrade
Mandy Rose and Dana Brooke defeat Lana and Natalya
AJ Styles defeats Jeff Hardy and Seth Rollins
Kevin Owens defeats Aleister Black
As far as the draft picks go... well.. you'll have to read on for those. I just watched Raw for three hours. I'm out. ;)
Happy Monday, folks. Kevin here, and I'll be covering tonight's episode of *Vince McMaho... OK, Stephanie McMahon voice* Monday. Night. Raaaaaaaaaaaw! *violent coughing* Wow, note to self, do not do that. Anyhoo, tonight we're going to see the WWE Draft continue on from Friday's SmackDown. In fact, it's already begun, as there's one Superstar that's already been scooped up.
Speaking of the draft, Seth Rollins - recently drafted to SmackDown - will give a farewell speech to the Monday Night show he's been the Messiah of for months and months now. Chances are that Rey Mysterio and Dominick will make an appearance during his sure-to-be tearful address, as they'll be moving to Friday nights, as well.
He won't be the only one addressing the Thunderdome crowd, however. Last week, it was revealed that Mustafa Ali was the leader of RETRIBUTION, as he led the group on an attack of The Hurt Business during his match with MVP. This week, Ali will be "breaking his silence" - if you don't count posting on Twitter - as I'm sure that we'll all want an answer to the question, "WHY, MUSTAFA ALI?! WHYYYYY?!"
Also, a dual brand women's battle royale to determine the next opponent of Raw Women's Champion Asuka, as well as a No DQ match between Aleister Black and Kevin Owens.
We've got three hours coming up in half an hour, so let's get pumped.
So... when are we going to get beyond ThunderDome?
Byron, Tom, and Joe are on your commentary team.
Tonight's show begins with the 13-time World Champion Randall Keith Orton slowly making his way to the ring. We're reminded that Orton will be competing for the WWE Championship inside Hell In a Cell at, shockingly, Hell In a Cell.
Orton with a microphone and he assures us that no matter what show he ends up on at the end of the night, he'll still win the championship at the HIAC pay-per-view.
Drew is out and after some jaw-jackin', Orton and McIntyre are throwing hands.
McIntyre grabs Orton by the ear, probably saying "this is what you get, young man!" and then suplexes him into a table. Randy decides now is a good time to shove out and save his skin for HIAC.
Coming up next, after these commercial messages, are the first draft pics of the evening.
Which is it, WWE Twitter accounts?
Well... whatever. Here's Steph.
Raw selects The Fiend Bray Wyatt
SmackDown selects Bayley
Raw selects Randy Orton
SmackDown selects the Raw Tag Team Champions The Street Profits
Raw selects Charlotte Flair
Does this mean we might see Charlotte back soon?
It's time for Aleister Black vs Kevin Owens, with Black quickly inside the ring. Owens is also not wasting any time and the two men begin to attempt to murder each other.
With Black laid out on the arena floor (especially after two cannonballs into the security wall), Owens pulls out a table. The Prizefighter attempts to powerbomb Black into said table, but Black fights his way free and tosses Owens directly onto the announce table. Ow.
Commercials are over and there's a chair unfolded in the middle of the ring. Owens hits the ropes, going for a clothesline, but Aleister with a spin kick to the calves and Owens falls face first into the seat of the chair. Ow ow ow.
Owens sets up four chairs in a rectangle, and Black leaps from the top rope and crashes both knees first into Kevin - right into the chairs! And Black still only manages to get a 2 count!
Still, Kevin Owens fights his way back to his feet and POWERBOMBS Black into a table! Pinfall!
RESULT: Kevin Owens defeats Aleister Black
Mandy Rose and Dana Brooke are guests on Miz TV.... NEXT!
It's draft time!
Raw selects Braun Strowman
SD selects Daniel Bryan
Raw selects Matt Riddle
SD selects Kevin Owens
Raw selects Jeff Hardy
It's time for Miz TV, and Miz and John Morrison are in the ring already. The two hosts discuss the various roster changes due to the draft, and implies that he was responsible for Heavy Machinery getting split up between brands.
Speaking of which, their guests are Mandy Rose and Dana Brooke.
Let's... Look, the segment ended with Rose and Brooke fighting with Natalya and Lana in the ring while Miz and Morrison giggled. I'll find a video if you really, really want to see it - as soon as I wake up.
Well, with his original guests not... working out... Miz is now interviewing Morrison...
And now here comes Lars (no relation) Sullivan to ask to see their booty pics.
Miz hightails it out of the ring, leaving Morrison in there to get beaten up by Mr. Adorable Grandma Panties Red Trunks.
A cut to the back, and New Day and the Street Profits are in the middle of a title exchange (both champs have switches shows), and the team of Robert Roode and Dolph Ziggler interrupt. It seems they feel they're owed a shot at the Raw titles. The New Day tell the pair that, essentially, that can be arranged.
Then Day and Profits all say "we want the smoke!" together and then it's commercial time.
Rood and Ziggler will face The New Day for the Raw tag titles tonight.
Raw selects RETRIBUTION
SD selects Lars Sullivan
Raw selects Keith Lee
SD selects King Corbin
Raw selects Alexa Bliss
Seth Rollins has come down to the ring to say goodbye to Monday Night Raw.
Rollins shares his sympathy with the virtual crowd, as they're about to lose the "greatest leader in Monday Night Raw history" and how there's no one in the back to take his place. Including Rey and Dominik as they're going to SmackDown with him. Rollins no like that and goes grrrrr.
Jeff Hardy doesn't agree with that and after spending the last six hours putting his face paint on, he's feeling antsy and heads to the ring to verbally disagree. Rollins simply tells Jeff he needs to be more worried about his match with Lars (again, no relation) Sullivan on Friday and leaves it at that.
As Rollins heads to the back, AJ Styles comes out and makes some joke about Jeff being drunk and last call and all that and ha ha ha whatever AJ. Rollins tries to share a hearty laugh with the Phenomenal One, to which AJ replies "Just keep on steppin', this was never Monday Night Rollins anyway." Oooooh... Seth didn't like that.
Jeff dives through the ropes, feet-first into the two after Rollins stormed to the ring to tell AJ he didn't appreciate him being mean like that. Jeff challenges the two to a "TRIPLE THREAT TAG TEAM MATCH" although he meant just a regular Triple Threat match - but the dude has probably challenged opponents to tons of tag team matches of all sorts so it's probably force of habit.
The announce team trying to convince the audience that Rollins just sprung the news about the Lars match to Hardy.
They should have a contest every week where they pick one - and just one - person to sit at ringside, all by themselves.
Rollins setting himself to hit AJ with The Stomp, but Hardy leaps over Styles and nails Rollins with a DDT. Great spot.
Styles gets the Calf Crusher on Rollins, but suddenly lets go. Rollins didn't get free, AJ moved out of the way of a Swanton Bomb by Hardy.
Hardy with a Twist of Fate on AJ, and ELIAS hits the ring and nails Hardy with a guitar, giving Styles the win!
RESULT: AJ Styles defeats Jeff Hardy and Seth Rollins.
Looks like we have another round of draft picks following these thrilling television advertisements.
Raw selects Elias
SD selects Intercontinental Champion Sami Zayn
Raw selects Lacy Evans
SD selects Cesaro and Shinsuke Nakamura
Raw selects Sheamus
Anyway, Rose and Brooke vs Natalya and Lana is on now. And neither team get an entrance. Huh.
You know... even though I'm not particularly impressed with tonight's Raw, I have to say it's way less disappointing than Super Mario 3D All-Stars.
Dana Brooke gets flung off the top rope by Mandy, and she nails Lana with a senton and gets the pin.
RESULT: Mandy Rose and Dana Brooke defeat Lana and Natalya
I think Natalya just... broke up with Lana.
Ricochet confronts The Hurt Business backstage. He's tired of fighting with them week after week, so he makes a proposition. HB picks a member and he'll face them tonight. Ricochet wins, he and the Business leave each other alone. If he loses, he'll join them.
Cedric steps up to take him on.
And right before the break, Angel Garza makes his way to the ring to take on Andrade.
Zelina Vega - who seems to be dressed as Amy Winehouse - is at commentary, watching her two clients go at it on Raw tonight.
This just in from Sami Zayn:
Garza nails Andrade with a wicked superkick on Andrade, but the former US champion kicks out.
Andrade throws Garza back into the ring, telling Vega "this one is for you!" However, Garza hits the Wing Clipper and gets the win.
RESULT: Angel Garza defeats Andrade.
During the match, on commentary, Alexa Bliss's name was brought up, to which Vega essentially replied with "who cares about Alexa Bliss?"
Well, after the match as Vega checked on Andrade, the lights went out, then turned red, and Bliss was waiting in the corner, doing that creepy back bend thing Bray Wyatt does.
Oh, and then Wyatt grabbed Andrade with the Mandible Claw - oh yeah, he was there, too - and then Wyatt and Bliss each hit Andrade and Vega, respectively, with Sister Abigail.
Raw selects Nikki Cross
SD selects Dolph Ziggler and Robert Roode
Raw selects R-Truth
SD selects Apollo Crews
Raw selects DABBA-KATO
The New Day make their entrance, followed by Dolph Ziggler and Mr. Entrace Robert Roode.
Could both sets of tag titles send up on SmackDown? Will Big E comes to help his New Days pals for one last hurrah? Will Roode go back to the Mall Cop Mustache he had earlier in the year? We'll just have to wait and see!
Because it's a commercial.
Double hit tg by both teams and Woods and Ziggler are now charging at each other.
Wood gets Ziggler into a fireman's carry and tosses him into the air, looking to stuff him in the face with a jumping kick. Ziggler gets free and catches Xavier in a DDT. Only gets a 2.
Woods wants the hot tag to Kingston, but Ziggler yanks him off the apron. Ziggler attempts to toss him into the ring step, but Kofi leaps over them and knocks him to the floor. Quick tag to Woods and Roode attempts to roll him up. Midnight Hour and a pin.
RESULT: New Day defeat Roode and Ziggler
Charley gets a word with Elias backstage. Elias still believes Jeff Hardy hit him with a car months ago. He then lets the world know that he's got a new album coming out at the end of the month and that he'll be putting on a concert on Raw soon - and it'll be one that Hardy will never forget.
Cedric Alexander vs Ricochet is next, after we unfortunately get reminded that Christley Knows Best is still on the air.
Regarding Mustafa Ali, Drake Maverick had to say....
Cedric and Ricochet are at it and Cedric has had control nearly since the bell rang.
How do we know Ricochet's not tricking Hurt Business into watching him join RETRIBUTION?
Ricochet uses the old Eddie Guerrero Trick the Ref Into DQing Your Opponent chair trick to get the win!
RESULT: Ricochet defeats Cedric Alexander by DQ
We're about to head into the Women's battle royale, with Auska at ringside for commentary - which is always awesome.
Raw selects Titus O'Neil
SD selects Carmella
Raw selects Peyton Royce
SD selects Aleister Black
Raw selects Akira Tozawa
Nia grabs a mic and tells the other participants that either her or Shayna are going to win and that they should just eliminate themselves and not go through all the pain they're about to dish out.
Mandy Rose and Dana Brooke eliminated by Jax.
Everyone in the match - including her tag team partner Baszler - team up to toss Jax out of the ring. Jax isn't happy about that. At ALL.
Before we can go to an ad break, we jump to backstage, where Randy Orton and WWE Champion Drew McIntyre are fighting.
Back from break and the Riott Squad, Bianca Belair, Natalya, Lacey Evans and Shayna Baszler are left.
Nope. Baszler's out, via Belair.
And the Riott Squad eliminates Belair.
Riott Squad are out, and it's Natalya and Lacey Evans.
Both women are fighting on the ring apron.
Natalya slams Lacey into the ring post and tosses her to the floor... it seems like she's won.... BUT Y'ALL FORGOT ABOUT LANA! Lana races to the ring and kicks Natalya to the floor as well.
RESULT: Lana wins the women's battle royale
Now the fight between Drew and Randy has spilled out to the ring. Security has rushed to the ring area to break this up.
And there's your show! Between the draft and some of the really great matches, that was a pretty solid episode of Raw. I wouldn't say I'm excited to see what happens next week, but I'm certainly intrigued.
What I will see next week is all of you guys. Thanks for hanging with me tonight. Stay safe out there, take care of each other, and keep reading Wrestling News World. I'm outta here.