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Hey everybody, Kevin here. It's another Monday night, which means two things: I have to remember to take my garbage can out to the curb before I go to bed or else I'll have to wait a whole other week - and tonight is Wrestling News World's LIVE coverage of WWE Raw.
Tonight is what they call in "the business" the "go home show" for this weekend's PPV. Which means we'll get the final bits of story before the big payoff (or lack thereof, I suppose) at Survivor Series on Sunday. At least for Raw, anyway.
I'll be here to run down what's happening in each segment, adding my own commentary which, let's be honest, may or may not add anything to the proceedings but, whatever. If you have any questions, comments, pie recipes, limericks, suggestions for wine and cheese pairing, or just something stupid you'd think I'd laugh at, send it my way via Twitter at @HeyImKevinSully.
Anyhoo, time to get things together, finish my leftover pizza, explain to my five year old daughter why the "f-word" is bad even though Daddy just said it when he hit his elbow on his chair's armrest, and get ready for *Stephanie McMahon autotuned voice* Monday Night Raaaaaaaaaawwwwwwww....
Tonight's Go Home show opens with the normal opening, as opposed to a cold opening. Which means we'll probably start with an interview or a match.
And it looks like an interview/promo with my close personal friend Drew McIntyre.
Drew tells the crowd what he's thankful for - since it's about to be Thanksgiving in America and he's lived in America for a 1/3 of his life. And he's thankful for the fans, for the Thunderdome, and thankful for his opportunities. And he's gonna beat Randy Orton tonight and then beat Roman Reigns on Sunday and all of that.
Randy Orton is on the Titantron, telling Drew that, well, he's gonna beat him tonight. He also points out that he was fined by putting his hands on Adam Pearce last week but, he doesn't care because he's been fined and suspended more than anyone else in WWE. And yadda yadda yadda.
Miz and Morrison are out and basically insinuating that The Miz is going to cash in his Money in the Bank contract, no matter who wins the Orton/McIntyre match tonight.
And Lana is backstage talking to the WWE Women's Tag Team champs about their six-woman tag team match against Asuka and Dana Brooke and Mandy Rose.
We're only a little over twenty minutes into the show and, frankly, if it wasn't for talking about this show with you guys, I would literally rather be doing anything else.
Well... that was a quick segment. The champs take Asuka out of the equation, and then Baszler stomps on Mandy's elbow right onto the steel steps and hey it's commercial time.
Lana tags herself in, right before Baszler puts Asuka in the Carakuna Clutch, and goes for the pin. Instead, Asuka gets her in the Auska Lock and gets the win for her team.
RESULT: Asuka, Mandy Rose, and Dana Brooke defeat Lana, Nia Jax, and Shayna Baszler
Backstage, the members of Team Raw are, well, arguing. But in a fun way. AJ Styles, who fancies himself the "team captain", has Raw shirts for everyone and has set up a tune-up match for them against RETRIBUTION.
Riddle's got a nickname for AJ's associate, and it's "Omase"
Anyway, Mandy Rose is in the trainer's room for her injured arm, and Dana Brooke is beside herself. Which is the perfect time for Reckoning of RETRIBUTION to attack.
And now it's time for a new episode of Firefly Funhouse. Bray and Alexa are so happy to see you! But... The Miz needs to be taught a lesson, and he'll be facing Bray later tonight.
And now it's time for The Hurt Business vs The New Day for the tag team belts.
As the New Day vs Hurt Business match gets underway, we get word - both Dana Brooke and Mandy Rose are hurt and won't be able to participate in their Survivor Series match.
Anyway... New Day vs Hurt Business. This match should have opened the show. Four brilliant performers, including a former WWE Champion. I'd be less likely to want to go to bed at this point.
Hot damn., Xavier Woods gets the hot tag from Kofi and he starts tearing things up, including busting out the Honor Roll, all sponsored by Cyberpunk 2077.
It looks like we're getting near the end of the match, as Shelton tosses Kofi back into the ring. Then nails him with the ANGLE SLAM! BOOM! Still... only gets a two. Kofi is immune to Kurt Angle moves.
Kofi fights off both Alexander and Benjamin, tags in Xavier, and nail Alexander with the Day Break and get the win! Boooooom! *hand clapping like back in the day*
RESULT: New Day defeat Hurt Business.
That WAS a great match. It should have been on earlier.
As Robert Pollard of Guided By Voices sang on Propeller, "it's rock and roll time."
Team Raw vs RETRIBUTION is about to go down.
Following the introduction, Riddle (not MATT Riddle... just Riddle) starts out with Slapjack.
Riddle needs to tag out, but Strowman and Sheamus fight each other off the ring apron. AJ leaps from the announce table and tries to get the team to work together as we go to commercial.
RETRIBUTION spends a good five-ten minutes beating up Riddle - who then tags in Keith Lee, who just starts destroying everybody.
Team Raw begin to fight amongst themselves, and eventually, Mustafa Ali kicks Riddle into his teammates and rolls him up for the pin.
RESULT: Retribution defeats Team Raw
Meanwhile, backstage, Nikki Cross is looking for Alexa Bliss and Jeff Hardy has some news for Elias.
And I have some news for my kid - it's bedtime.
The Miz and John Morrison hit the ring, and they try to talk Bray Wyatt out of this match. Alexa Bliss comes out and basically tells Miz this match is happening.
Nikki Cross comes out - she was looking for Alexa earlier - and tries to break the spell, so to speak, Wyatt has on Bliss, and Bliss just attacks Nikki. Cue the Funhouse music and we go to commercial and we're getting Bray vs Miz.
Wait... isn't that exactly what Miz was saying, like, FIFTEEN MINUTES AGO?!?
Well... that took three minutes, but...
RESULT: Bray Wyatt defeated The Miz.
Wyatt and Bliss start heading to the back, hand in hand when... suddenly, The Fiend's music hits. What?
According to Adam Pearce, Mandy Rose and Dana Brooke will be replaced at Survivor Series by Lacey Evans and Peyton Royce.
It's about time for our main event - Drew McIntyre vs Randy Orton. But, FIRST - Nia Jax and Shayna Baszler discuss the changes on their team, and Peyton Royce and Lacey Evans come out to speak to them - then run away. Then Nia Jax makes a Quibi joke. har har
A shirtless Drew McIntyre comes to the ring in a kilt, carrying a sword and I'm not 100% straight on the Kinsey Scale and the percentage of me that's not is really digging shirtless Drew in a kilt, with a sword.
That's probably going to get me fired.
Just kidding. WNW wouldn't fire me for that. Now... when they find out about the computer virus I put on their mainframe like the one from Superman III/Office Space... I am SO fired.
Randy tries to grab the belt and walk out, but here comes Adam Pearce (who really needs to be WWE's MVP for 2020, because he's just been awesome) and he's declaring this match to be No Count-out and No DQ.
Did Tom Phillips just scream "God damn it?!" hahahaha
Drew has gone for his finisher twice and missed. That seems to be an important point the announce team keeps bringing up.
We're closing in on the end of the show and both men have gotten some really close near falls. This could go either way.
McIntrye goes for a 3rd Claymore but Orton reverses it into a powerslam. And Orton is bleeding.
Orton goes for an RKO... and Drew turns it into a Claymore and... DREW GETS THE WIN!
RESULT: Drew McIntyre defeats Randy Orton
Holy s***, that match was fun.
Wow... that show won me over at the end. I'm really looking forward to Survivor Series on Sunday now. Just... wow.
OK... good night everybody! I'll see you after this weekend.
Actually... looks like I'll be seeing you on Sunday.