Hey, everybody! Welcome to Wrestling News World's LIVE coverage and commentary (the headline may have tipped you off) of 2021's Crown Jewel event, live from Saudi Arabia!
I'm your host Kevin Christopher Sullivan (or KCS for short, I guess, I don't care, whatever), writer and editor for Sportskeeda and special contributor right here! at Wrestling News World, and I'll be here to try and keep you up to date with what's happening. And making jokes. They'll probably be bad. But, I want to make this entertaining for everybody - whether you're watching it or not.
I know this is a controversial event and I'd like to say that if I wasn't covering it for WNW, I would be boycotting it like a lot of you are. I'd like to say that, but the truth is, I don't care. It's not as if WWE or Saudi Arabia is going to go "What? Kevin isn't watching? Hmmm... we better rethink some stuff."
Anyway, here's how this works. After the line break below, I'l be starting the live coverage. As I type this, the kick-off show is beginning. I'll be starting when the Usos vs Hurt Business match does. Each update will have a timestamp (in CST - whatever timezone Texas is in), and you'll probably have to refresh to get the latest update. Cool?
And if you'd like to chime in, hit up the comments section or Tweet me @HeyImKevinSully. Anyway, let's go!
If you want to catch up with today's matches, check out this preview by our own Ja'Von York right now!
UPDATE: Roman Reigns vs Goldberg is now No DQ, and Bobby Lashley vs Goldberg is now not only No Holds Barred, it's also Falls Count Anywhere.
UPDATE to the UPDATE: Ok, so apparently, it's NOT no DQ? I'm confuseded.
Hey, your web browser can open more than one tab, so here's another great live coverage you can enjoy during tonight's show - my new buddy The Doctor Chris Mueller over at Bleacher Report.
Also my buddy Anirban Banerjee over at Sportskeeda.
COVERAGE IS BELOW! ENJOY!
That's our show! What did you think? Hop into the comments and let us know.
Until next time... I'm outta here.
(2:57pm) Paul Heyman tosses the Universal title in between Brock and Roman, shouting "You know what to do with it!"
Brock grabs it out of Roman's hands but before he can do anything with it, the Usos run out and superkick him. Then Roman nails him with the belt and gets the pin after a new ref hits the ring.
RESULT: Roman Reigns defeats Brock Lesnar
(2:56pm) With the ref out, Roman spears Brock.
(2:55pm) Brock goes for ANOTHER F5 and slams Roman into the ref.
Oh, the ref is Charles Robinson. That explains it.
(2:53pm) Brock goes for another F5, but Roman sneaks out and slaps on the Guillotine chokehold! Brock manages to get out but he's clearly staggered.
(2:52pm) Looks like Brock is going to Suplex City.
And then an F5. This match is ove... ROMAN KICKS OUT!
(2:51pm) Reigns goes for a spear into the corner, but Lesnar JUMPS over him. He also lands on his face.
(2:46pm) Brock Lesnar is looking especially Brock Lesnar-y. This match is on.
(2:34pm) One more match to go - Roman Reigns vs Brock Lesnar for the Universal Championship.
Big E defeats Drew McIntyre
Becky Lynch defeats Sasha Banks and Bianca Belair
(1:37pm) Big E comes out and this crowd explodes. OK, bad choice of words. The crowd goes bananas.
(1:35pm) Now we're on to Drew McIntyre vs Big E for the WWE Championship. This is gonna be a banger.
(1:28pm) Woods with a top rope elbow... Finn moves!
After surviving a series of big moves from Balor, Woods recovers and nails Finn with a Limit Breaker top rope elbow (oh god, I love that he calls it that) and THE PIN!
RESULT: Xavier Woods defeats Finn Balor and is the NEWWWWW King of the Ring!
(1:26pm) Woods catches Finn on the top turnbuckle and hits him with a superplex. 2-count.
(1:25pm) Both guys building the speed of this match up gradually. Really telling a story here.
Xavier nearly gets the pin with a small package.
(1:20pm) Corey Graves claims that Finn could be the first "Irish King" and Cole curtly reminds him about Sheamus and Graves backpedals and it's genuinely funny.
(1:17pm) Finn comes to the ring, and then Woods - by himself, mind you. Announcers mention how he's the "sentimental favorite."
Ha ha ha I should just do the rest of this with just posted tweet.
(1:08pm) Goldberg eats them for lunch, then beats Lashley with a stick of his own. Then spears him off the ramp and pins him.
RESULT: Goldberg defeats Bobby Lashley
(1:07pm) Lashley tries to high-tail it to the back, but then stops, as Cedric Alexander and Shelton Benjamin come down to help, wielding Kendo sticks.
(1:06pm) Goldberg tries to slam the top half of the ring steps onto a prone Lashley laying on the bottom half, but he's not prone for long and moves.
(1:04pm) Out of the ring now, and a spear through the ring barricade.
(1:02pm) Spear! And a Jackhammer! And the pin for the vic... no, wait, he's not pinning him.
(1:01pm) From the second rope, Lashley leaps and stomps onto the chair.
He charges at Goldberg, hoping to spear him through the table, but Goldberg moves.
(1:00pm) Lashley props a table into a corner, then notices Goldberg getting to his feet. He puts an end to that with a chop block to the leg.
Now he's got a steel chair wrapped around that leg.
(12:57pm) Lashley pulls a thick chain out of his pants (get your mind out of the gutter) and wraps it around his hand. Goldberg charges him into the corner and nails him with said chain. Now Lashley is using a chair. All legal.
(12:55pm) I get that the security detail is just kind of part of Goldberg's thing now and, to be fair, it's a cool visual but, just... why does Goldberg need a security detail just to walk to Gorilla?
(12:54pm) And the Goldberg chants have started.
(12:51pm) Well, Zelina Vega is your Queen's Crown winner and we're about to head into Bobby Lashley vs Goldberg.
I'm going to go run and pick up a prescription, but I'll try and get you all caught up once I get back. Won't be long.
(12:29pm) Omos is on the floor! Styles eats and RKO... then a Floating Bro and the champs retain!
RESULT: RK-Bro defeats AJ Styles and Omos
(12:27pm) Styles is back in the ring now, and he's having his way with Riddle. No, not like that. Stop being gross.
Riddle manages to tag Orton in.
(12:23pm) After getting knocked around with ease by Omos, Riddle tags in Orton.
(12:22pm) If Omos is such this unstoppable colossus, why not just have him start the match?
Well, OK now AJ tags him.
(12:21pm) Riddle and AJ start this match off. It's not long for Orton to get the tag.
(12:17pm) RK-Bro comes out next. Riddle tells Randy to wait and scooters backstage. He comes back out riding a freakin camel!
(12:14pm) It's time for the Raw tag team championship match. AJ Styles and Omos head to the ring first and my daughter is losing his S*&^ because she loves AJ Styles.
(12:12pm) Titus O'Neal and Natalya are in the ring with four veiled women (it's Saudi Arabia, guys, come on) with pink WWE championships to promote their breast cancer awareness program.
(12:08pm) Tareg Hamedi (that's his name) with a kick right to Ali and he out. Mansoor and Hamedi celebrate in the ring.
(12:07pm) It's some karate dude from Saudi Arabia! He won a silver medal at the Olympics!
I know he has a name. I'm not trying to de disrespectful, I just don't know how to spell his name yet.
(12:05pm) Ali attacks Mansoor after the match until someone with a scarf over his face starts coming to the ring.
(12:04pm) Ali is up top now. He tries to hit a 450 Splash, but Mansoor rolls to the apron. Ali gets to his feet and Mansoor slingshots himself over the ropes and nails him with a neckbreaker - and the win!
RESULT: Mansoor defeats Mustafa Ali
(12:02pm) Mansoor has got a hurt neck, but he goes for a moonsault - but Ali grabs him in a coji clutch! Mansoor finally gets to the rope, but the damage, as they say, has been done.
(11:53am) The bell rings.
Oh, wow. This is the first time two Muslims have wrestled each other ever on a WWE PPV.
(11:50pm) Time for Mustafa Ali taking on the hometown boy Mansoor.
(11:44am) Well, that was a pretty good show! I don't know about you, but I am exhausted! What did YOU guys think of Crown Jew... wait... that was only the first match? Oh nooooo.
(11:41) Edge breaks the hold, then nails Rollins with a Stomp RIGHT ONTO A CHAIR!
And that does it.
RESULT: Edge defeats Seth Rollins
(11:41am) A couple of superkicks from Edge to even the score, then pulls the chain off his boot. Then, a crossface using a wrench in Rollins mouth.
(11:40am) Rollins has Edge's head laying on top of a chair, screaming "This is how your fairy tale ends!" He goes for a stomp, but Edge pulls up the chair and crotches Rollins with it.
(11:39am) Superkick with the chain! WOW
(11:38am) Oh, weird. There's a bag of tools in the ring.
Rollins with a couple of Superkicks, then wraps a chain around his boot.
(11:36am) Rollins gets a Sunset Flip power bomb OFF THE LADDER AND THROUGH THE TABLE!
STILL ONLY A 2!
(11:35am) Edge is laid out on another table in the ring. Rollins climbs the ladder, but Edge climbs up after him.
(11:33am) And there's our first ladder.
Edge hits Rollins in the face with it.
(11:31am) Seth is running the ropes for the Stomp. Edge grabs him and nails him with a Buckle Bomb, followed by a SPEAR! Rollins STILL kicks out!
(11:30am) Edge leaps off the top, chair in hand, and lands on Seth with said chair ONTO THE STEPS. Still only gets a 2-count. Seth fights his way to his feet and manages to hit Edge with a Pedigree, and HE only gets a 2.
(11:28am) Steel steps have made their way into the middle of the ring.
I mean, they were carried in. They didn't walk in themselves. That would be weird,
(11:26pm) Rollins is perched on the top turnbuckle - Edge is on his feet, shoves him off into the cage wall and RIGHT THROUGH A TABLE! BOOM!
(11:25pm) And Seth brings out the first table of the match.
(11:22am) Seth tries to nail Edge with a Con-chair-to, but Edge moves at the last second. Edge manages to get a crossface on him, but Rollins grabs the broken chair piece and nails Edge in the eye to break the hold.
(11:19am) Edge breaks off a part of the chair and tries to use it for a crossface, but Rollins squirms out. He knocks Edge down and uses the part to go for the eye. Geez, the dude has a thing for eyes, what the hell?
(11:18am) Less than five minutes in and out come the chairs.
(11:14pm) Both men are in the cage, and the cage is being locked. So there's no way they can get out. That has never happened before. Ever.
(11:13am) Edge comes out next, and he looks pumped and HEY LOOK! CAMELS! THERE ARE CAMELS HERE! YAY! I LOVE CAMELS!
(11:10am) Seth Rollins, wearing a coat that looks like a cross between a Matador outfit and the Green Power Ranger, is first to come out.
(11:06am) Michael Cole, Corey Graves, and Byron Saxton are your announce team for the afternoon.
The Cell is slowly being lowered over the ring.
(11:01am) Let's do this. CROWN JEWEL!
Also (10:46am) Uso Splash on Cedric Alexander and they pick up the win.
RESULT: The Usos defeat The Hurt Business
BREAKING: The Hell In a Cell match between Edge and Seth Rollins will kick off the show proper.
(10:40am) Hurt Business have been in complete control since the match started. Expecting a hot tag at any moment.
(10:34am) Oopsie doodles, I was wrong. Here they come.
(10:32am) Well, the kick-off show match is about to begin, as the SmackDown tag team champions The Usos head to the ring. I think Cedric and Shelton are already in the ring so they're gonna lose, I guess.