Happy Day After Thanksgiving in the United States, everybody! It's time for what is sure to become the next big holiday tradition - the SmackDown after both Thanksgiving and Survivor Series (they'll think of a catchier name, I'm sure.)
There isn't a whole lot of news regarding tonight's show, so we'll all find out what's going on together *holds everyone's hand, sings Kumbaya* Like last week's Raw episode, we'll be covering tonight's show from bottom to top. That means that's following this intro, what you read afterwards will be the latest update we have, with all earlier updates below it.
I encourage - nay DEMAND - nay just encourage I don't want to be so bossy - you all to share your thoughts on the show in both the comments section below, or send them my way via Twitter at @HeyImKevinSully.
Anyway, everyone get settled in and I'll see you all at showtime.
You may need to refresh your page for the latest update.
So, that's SmackDown for the night... a middling hour and 45 minutes and an incredible fifteen minutes. Do you agree? Hit the comments below. In the meantime, thanks for much for watching with me tonight, I'll see you on Monday, everybody stay safe and healthy and until later... I'm outta here.
I take back all my complaints from before. Kevin Owens just saved this show for me. WOW
Owens destroys Uso with a chair and.... holy ****......
Uso goes in for the kill... and Owens with a Stunner!
RESULT: Kevin Owens defeats Jey Uso via DQ
Jey decides he's done, grabs a chair, and blasts Owens with it. DQ.
Owens went for the pop-up powerbomb but Uso has been working his arm the whole match and he can't get Jey up.
Roman is backstage, watching this match intensely on TV. Heyman is looking at Roman as if he's saying "Did you take my chicken salad from the break room fridge or NOT?!"
I know Michael Cole is saying "Uso" but I keep hearing "Rusev". I need a vacation.
Sami Zayn wants respect for beating Daniel Bryan and Apollo Crews in ten seconds. Big E congratulates him and shakes his hand... and squeezes it for ten seconds. Yeah, we're getting E vs Zayn!
Holy crap.... are we gonna get Sami Zayn vs Big E??
Our main event - Jey Uso vs Kevin Owens.
Corbin has had it with the Mysterio family and challenges Murphy to a match next week... and next week, he'll be ready. OK.
Murphy rolls up Corbin and gets the pin
RESULT: Murphy defeats Baron Corbin
Please Tweet @BaronCorbinWWE and ask him why he blocked @HeyImKevinSully, kthnx
I'd tell him myself but Corbin blocked me on Twitter months ago and I have no idea why.
Rey and Dominik keep leaping to the ring apron to distract Corbin. It's weird, but it's also funny to see Corbin get super frustrated.
This is the Corbin I want to see... including the Corbin who just nailed Murphy with a Deep Six. Less talk, more yelling, and more smashing.
MYSTERIO IS NOT HIS LAST NAME. WHAT THE HECK.
As we head to break, Paul Heyman is having a friendly chat with WWE Official Adam Pearce, and Murphy heads to the ring with the Mysterio Family for a match with King Corbin.
RESULT: Bianca Belair defeats Natalya
Bayley ends up getting in the middle of the match, getting hit twice before Belair rolls up Natalya and gets the pin.
Meanwhile, we've got Natalya vs Bianca Belair with Bayley at ringside on commentary
Back from break and Uso is insisting to Roman that he knows what he's doing with these attacks tonight. Owens comes up to them, talks some trash, and Roman basically tells Uso to, basically, beat up in Owens.
Kevin Owens tosses Uso off Bryan and goes after him as the officials check on the Yes Man and we go to commercial.
We cut to the back and Jey Uso is attacking Bryan! So... that explains it, I guess.
RESULT: Sami Zayn defeats Daniel Bryan by countout
Zayn runs to the back, with Bryan close behind. Referee counts to 8 - here comes Sami! He makes it to the ring before the count and wins!
Sami goes for a belly to back, but Bryan turns it into an armbar - then switches it into a Yes Lock. Sami gets to the ropes.
Zayn rakes the eyes and pushes Bryan into the ring post. Then a brainbuster onto the ring apron. Bryan manages to roll back into the ring before the 10 count, but Zayn with the Blue Thunder Bomb. KICK OUT!
Zayn goes crashing out of the ring! Bryan leaps from the top rope to hit Sami with a double axehandle, but Zayn moves and tosses Bryan right into the security wall.
You know Sami is a bad guy because he's wearing regular long pants in the ring.
Sami Zayn in the ring bad-mouthing Thanksgiving. Heel of the year.
After a brilliantly edited tribute video to The Undertaker that also killed a good 5-6 minutes, Sami Zayn seizures his way to the ring for his match with Daniel Bryan.
Back from break and we're talking to Rey Mysterio and his family, along with Murphy. They're all good friends now. King Corbin - who was supposed to face Otis tonight before Jey Uso tried to murder him with a chair - comes out and says mean stuff - I'm guessing. I usually tune out when Corbin talks. It's called "cadence", Baron. Yours sucks.
Daniel Bryan is also taking on a champion in a non-title match - IC champ Sami Zayn. Bryan insists he's not out to get Sami, he just wants his title. And he's going to get one step closer tonight.
RESULT: Roode and Ziggler defeat The Street Profits (non-title match)
A flurry of offense and suddenly... ROODE ROLLS UP FORD FOR THE PIN.
Ford kicks Roode away from the turnbuckles as he heads up for a Frog Splash... then goes for the Frog Splash on Ziggler. Ziggler moves. Ford goes aaaauuuuuuuuuugh! SmackDown goes to a commercial.
Roode and Ziggler are coming to the ring, mocking Otis for getting beaten up by Jey Uso. Ha ha anyway we want to fight the Street Profits. Ford and Dawkins come out and call Ziggler "HBK" and make a mustache joke about Roode. And this match is on.
Suddenly, Uso rushes back out and blasts Otis with a chair... over and over and over... and over...
Reigns leaves Jey in the ring to feel bad about not having the SmackDown locker room fear and respect him. As he heads to the back, Otis comes out for his match with King Corbin.
Roman's shouting down Jey, asking him if he thinks he's a "bitch in the locker room, begging for Thanksgiving leftovers."
And what plays is footage from the PPV, including Roman telling Jey and his brother to leave the arena.
Roman comes into the ring, looks at Jey, then at the Titantron, and mutters into the microphone "play it"
Jey Uso was the last eliminated on his team at Survivor Series, but he also was the reason Roman Reigns defeated Drew McIntyre. And so, now he's out here to introduce The Head of the Table.... and he doesn't even get to finish his introduction before Roman's music hits.
The Award-Winning (what award?), Critically-Acclaimed (who?) WWE Thunderdome! We're here! And Jey Uso is starting out the show.
This was just posted...